"...sometimes I think all I want to do is find something holy and venerated and step on it until it's ugly, but that would just be a toddler having a temper tantrum" is what Edwin says to Mina during their convedrsation about sexual fantasies, right after remembering a scene of Vicky fucking a gangster. On several other occasions he has no issue recalling Vicky's other gonzo scenes when something reminds him of them. Never does he try to resist those memories. On the contrary, he regularly rewatches those scenes. To remind himself of how his mother suffered for him. To remind himself that the carnations are people, just like his mom. At least that what Edwin tells himself.
The Donovan scene is the first time in the game Edwin is violently repressing a memory of Vicky's porn scenes. It's the strongest revulsion to his mother's acting career he has expressed in the entire game. Yet from what we see of the interview, and what Vicky explicitly tells Donovan, her previous gonzo scenes were a lot worse in her experience than what Daddy Donny is doing to her. She even seems to genuinely enjoy herself.
Edwin has created a narrative around Vicky's porn career for himself. She did it for money to prevent their lives from changing too much after his father's death. She did it so they could stay in Edwin's childhood home, where Vicky has tons of memories with her husband. She suffered immensly during all of her shoots. Blatantly obvious to anyone watching those gonzo videos. Edwin saw her break down crying at the kitchen table at least once, that's clearly tied to her shoots in his mind.
In his mind, his mother is something holy and venerated, being defiled until it is ugly. All for his sake. Against her will.
The Donovan scene flies straight in the face of that narrative. Vicky didn't suffer, she enjoyed herself. She enjoyed being fucked on camera.
That should be a good thing though, right? Vicky went through some horrible experiences at the beginning of her porn career, but then she found a better studio. She suffered less. That's what Edwin wants, isn't it? His goal is to become a doctor, and take care of his mother. He should want her to not suffer.
Yet when Vicky breaks down in tears again in this update, her secretive porn career weighing heavily on her mind, Edwin does everything in his power to *prevent* Vicky from relieving herself of that burden. Sure, he frames it as comfort, reassuring her nothing could ever make him hate her. However, as soon as he realises what Vicky is about to tell him, his focus shifts from comforting and reassuring his mother to preventing her to tell her story.
He has to. Because he knows, once she tells the story of how and why she got into porn his own narrative will crumble. The dates of her videos don't match his fathers death. They're closer to other disasters in their lives. She wasn't a suffering victim for her entire career. She wasn't being defiled throughout. She simply stopped being holy at some point.
However, why is this narrative so important for Edwin? Because its his entire justification for constantly rewatching Victoria's gonzo porn scenes. He knows it's wrong, but he's only doing it to remind himself how much his mother suffered for his sake. He does it to feel connected to his mother on some level. He doesn't enjoy it. How could he? That's his mother being defiled there on camera. The most important person in his life. The person who sacrificed herself for him. The person who suffered for his sake.
If this narrative is false, then why does he keep rewatching those videos?
This is what Edwin will need to answer in the future. This is why he represses the memory of Donnovan's scene and why he wishes with all of his being that Vicky forgets the conversation at the end of the update.
My theory:
Edwin cannot admit to himself that he enjoys seeing his mother suffer. More than that, he cannot face the possibility of enjoying being the one responsible for her suffering. Again, Edwin to Mina in the hotel:"There's a feeling of revulsion that I want to turn inside out and direct at the world". As opposed to it being directed at himself?
Those porn scene dates are remarkably close to his voyeur/pyromaniac/violent assault experiences.
