VN Ren'Py Completed Picture Perfect [v1.0] [SuperWriter]

[I'm Not Thea Lundgren!]

Ahh, now that takes 2 years of harmless flirting and 80's disco and top tier pledge on patreon.

After the quick handjob you'll unlock the hidden scene where the girl gives you a kiss on the cheek and lets you grope a boob.

She also thanks you for your continued support and will call you for another date.

One day.

Maybe.

Just one boob? Do I at least get to choose which one?

 

[Walter Victor]

Just one boob? Do I at least get to choose which one?

The middle one.

 

[Deleted member 997153]

Well he IS a 'clueless dumb-ass', or at least he is around his daughters, where he acts like a bumbling fool.

Regardless, I like where this game has gone so far, and will keep playing. The suspension-of-disbelief level hasn't risen to an intolerable amount for me. I can live with the MC's messed-up financial situation. Even intelligent people often make poor life decisions, even where personal finance is concerned.

We need to consider that the MC is a single parent who dotes on his daughters. It seems that he will do whatever it takes to make them happy and maintain their lifestyle, even though his decisions are often counterproductive. Just keep that in mind while you play the game, if you decide to do so.

Considering all that, I would greatly prefer that the developer push onward with what he has, rather than spend more time reworking the intro.

I plan to keep playing as well. Despite how I probably come across, I do like elements of the game. I think the threshold for my willing suspension of disbelief was lowered somewhat due to the premature declaration of superiority that starts off the game. I can't describe how tone deaf and eye-rolling it is, particularly since this is an exceedingly average game so far.

I do hope there is a larger narrative purpose to the MC's decision-making but I'm not holding my breath. He might be a single dad who dotes on his daughters, but he has a salaried position with a company so his financial problems need to be explained better than "I'm falling behind." The details we've gleaned so far don't paint a coherent picture so it becomes harder and harder to suspend disbelief and easier to start viewing this as not well thought out.

In SuperWriter's defense, there's probably a learning curve he's begun navigating as a writer of erotic fiction because writing for a visual novel/game is more similar to screenwriting than prose. An author can leave a lot of fat on the bone when writing a novel but writing for the screen (or VN in this case) requires a surgeon's scalpel when it comes to the words that appear in dialogue because the omniscient, third-person narrator to explain things is diminished or non-existent. As a result, the writing has to become more precise. That precision is missing so far (at least for me), but I'm hoping it will get better as he becomes more comfortable with the medium.

 

[Deleted member 997153]

The middle one.

Obligatory.

 

[Avaron1974]

Obligatory.

View attachment 401024

I remember the first time I saw Total Recall and it was before I came out to my family. She appeared on the screen and i'm trying so hard not to drool.

I'm looking and thinking "if she was in my bed i'd never leave it".

Obviously we'd need toilet breaks and someone to bring us food and fluids but I can live with that for triple boobed girl.

 

[I'm Not Thea Lundgren!]

I remember the first time I saw Total Recall and it was before I came out to my family. She appeared on the screen and i'm trying so hard not to drool.

I'm looking and thinking "if she was in my bed i'd never leave it".

Obviously we'd need toilet breaks and someone to bring us food and fluids but I can live with that for triple boobed girl.

I remember thinking (I think I was about 14 at the time) ooh, one to suck and two to hold!

 

[Deleted member 997153]

I remember the first time I saw Total Recall and it was before I came out to my family. She appeared on the screen and i'm trying so hard not to drool.

I'm looking and thinking "if she was in my bed i'd never leave it".

Obviously we'd need toilet breaks and someone to bring us food and fluids but I can live with that for triple boobed girl.

That was essentially my response as a 13-year-old boy, as well. I credit the scene with sparking in me a lifelong obsession with sci-fi, Paul Verhoeven, and strange sexual fetishes.

 

[Walter Victor]

I plan to keep playing as well. Despite how I probably come across, I do like elements of the game. I think the threshold for my willing suspension of disbelief was lowered somewhat due to the premature declaration of superiority that starts off the game. I can't describe how tone deaf and eye-rolling it is, particularly since this is an exceedingly average game so far.

I do hope there is a larger narrative purpose to the MC's decision-making but I'm not holding my breath. He might be a single dad who dotes on his daughters, but he has a salaried position with a company so his financial problems need to be explained better than "I'm falling behind." The details we've gleaned so far don't paint a coherent picture so it becomes harder and harder to suspend disbelief and easier to start viewing this as not well thought out.

In SuperWriter's defense, there's probably a learning curve he's begun navigating as a writer of erotic fiction because writing for a visual novel/game is more similar to screenwriting than prose. An author can leave a lot of fat on the bone when writing a novel but writing for the screen (or VN in this case) requires a surgeon's scalpel when it comes to the words that appear in dialogue because the omniscient, third-person narrator to explain things is diminished or non-existent. As a result, the writing has to become more precise. That precision is missing so far (at least for me), but I'm hoping it will get better as he becomes more comfortable with the medium.

What bothers me a lot more than any of the plot holes and the writing lapses, is that there are exactly zero choices that matter in any of the new content; no points gained or lost; no new variables maintained; nothing. There are local text differences, but that's it. It makes me wonder if the developer has actually thought out where this game is going.

Or, more likely, our choices are not meant to have a lasting effect on how the game progresses. Perhaps the MC is going to do things and have relationships with people regardless of what we players do. Early in the game, points could be accumulated for two of the daughters... then nothing. And no variable has ever been kept for any particular choice made. Perhaps a 'kinetic novel' tag should be added.

 

[Deleted member 1412183]

It's going to be a long time until decisions matter with regards to the 3 main girls.

Chances are you'll do a bit of harmless flirting then stick some 80's disco on and do the horizontal dance with some random girls that mean nothing until finally getting it on with 1 or maybe all of the daughters.

Won't happen for months though.

VN 101, thou shalt not get jiggy with main girls until at least 90% of the player base has balls of blue. They other 10% are female and have no balls but still wonder where the good stuff is.

Point is, too early to know what's going to happen yet. Have a look in a few months.

What's the fun in boinking the three girls after a few updates? You have nothing to look forward to, in my opinion. And having sex with your daughter is way different than flirting. =] You have to work up to it.

What bothers me a lot more than any of the plot holes and the writing lapses, is that there are exactly zero choices that matter in any of the new content; no points gained or lost; no new variables maintained; nothing. There are local text differences, but that's it. It makes me wonder if the developer has actually thought out where this game is going.

Or, more likely, our choices are not meant to have a lasting effect on how the game progresses. Perhaps the MC is going to do things and have relationships with people regardless of what we players do. Early in the game, points could be accumulated for two of the daughters... then nothing. And no variable has ever been kept for any particular choice made. Perhaps a 'kinetic novel' tag should be added.

Choices will matter. Don't worry

 

[Teflonmike]

Yeah, I would have given those tattoos to Paris. No one cares if a personal trainer is into body art. It will be difficult to cover those tattoos cosmetically.

Exactly........ I mean I get some folk are into tats so if the Dev wanted to play into that minority then Paris would have been the better choice...

 

[JTsmoothhands]

Has anyone ever read the version he had on literotica? Most of it seems to be missing now, but it was a bit more graphic. Such as Sasha jerks you because you are in handcuffs in the acting scene.

 

[DrakoGhoul]

Am i remembering wrong or does paris look different now? Regardless my thoughts are the same from that first release.

The story is interesting so far and most likely going to be a slow burn which is nice when the story is quality. I've been playing too much smut lately so it's nice to relax and enjoy it all unfold.

 

[Deleted member 997153]

What bothers me a lot more than any of the plot holes and the writing lapses, is that there are exactly zero choices that matter in any of the new content; no points gained or lost; no new variables maintained; nothing. There are local text differences, but that's it. It makes me wonder if the developer has actually thought out where this game is going.

Or, more likely, our choices are not meant to have a lasting effect on how the game progresses. Perhaps the MC is going to do things and have relationships with people regardless of what we players do. Early in the game, points could be accumulated for two of the daughters... then nothing. And no variable has ever been kept for any particular choice made. Perhaps a 'kinetic novel' tag should be added.

I took a look through the code and you're correct. There are point variables for Miracle and Paris but those seem to get abandoned after the demo material is exhausted. Max of two points for each of them. Nothing for Sasha or Sabrina.

There's no choice-based point scoring in the new 0.1 content. I was particularly surprised that hugging Miracle vs. not hugging her didn't make a point difference. Given her trepidatious nature, I figured that choice would have an impact.

My suspicion is this will be a slow-burn, blue-balls simulator for the next twelve months as we watch the MC slowly go insane from his own angsty, guilt-ridden inner dialogue which culminates in episode 13 with his suicide just moments before he was to plunge balls-deep into one of his daughters for the first time. Now that would be original!

 

[Walter Victor]

I took a look through the code and you're correct. There are point variables for Miracle and Paris but those seem to get abandoned after the demo material is exhausted. Max of two points for each of them. Nothing for Sasha or Sabrina.

There's no choice-based point scoring in the new 0.1 content. I was particularly surprised that hugging Miracle vs. not hugging her didn't make a point difference. Given her trepidatious nature, I figured that choice would have an impact.

My suspicion is this will be a slow-burn, blue-balls simulator for the next twelve months as we watch the MC slowly go insane from his own angsty, guilt-ridden inner dialogue which culminates in episode 13 with his suicide just moments before he was to plunge balls-deep into one of his daughters for the first time. Now that would be original!

To perv or not to perv? To pursue the youngest-sister's friend or not? Those choices are all in the game. Yet they make no difference, nor will they since nothing has been saved. Whatever we did in this update has no relevance to the future plot. Might as well pick a choice at random.

The developer claims that choices will make a difference in the future. In my opinion they already should have.

Oh well. I still look forward to the next release. The girls are gorgeous, and the writing, while immature, is good enough and exhibits a decent sense of humor, which is a major plus to me in these games. And did I say that the girls are gorgeous?...

 

[a1fox3]

All these VN's/games should be considered alpha VN/games.
It is still a long way from being a beta game/VN so take that in consideration when playing.

 

[Skylaroo]

The details that have been added to the story are actually undermining it because they don't add up. It would make a lot more sense to keep it simple

This is one single most important constructive criticism that the dev should take on board. I'm just making an assumption here but because he already wrote adult novels, I think the dev is over-complicating things while thinking that complexity = depth = better, while in reality that depth only means better if done properly and not just because it's complex. And the details of some things in this game definitely detracted the enjoyment of the game because they are illogical. Additional details need to make sense.

I'm probably just a half-empty kind of person, but I don't have high hopes for the next 5-6 months. As a new adult game developer, I feel that SW is too ambitious. Instead of starting small to continuously grow better, he already set the bar too high from the beginning so it feels like the only way is down. Starting from the opening statement, and then making TWO different games at once without even ever completing a single game yet, I'm just confused as to why this is the path he decided to go to.

 

[Deleted member 1412183]

I took a look through the code and you're correct. There are point variables for Miracle and Paris but those seem to get abandoned after the demo material is exhausted. Max of two points for each of them. Nothing for Sasha or Sabrina.

There's no choice-based point scoring in the new 0.1 content. I was particularly surprised that hugging Miracle vs. not hugging her didn't make a point difference. Given her trepidatious nature, I figured that choice would have an impact.

My suspicion is this will be a slow-burn, blue-balls simulator for the next twelve months as we watch the MC slowly go insane from his own angsty, guilt-ridden inner dialogue which culminates in episode 13 with his suicide just moments before he was to plunge balls-deep into one of his daughters for the first time. Now that would be original!

To perv or not to perv? To pursue the youngest-sister's friend or not? Those choices are all in the game. Yet they make no difference, nor will they since nothing has been saved. Whatever we did in this update has no relevance to the future plot. Might as well pick a choice at random.

The developer claims that choices will make a difference in the future. In my opinion they already should have.

Oh well. I still look forward to the next release. The girls are gorgeous, and the writing, while immature, is good enough and exhibits a decent sense of humor, which is a major plus to me in these games. And did I say that the girls are gorgeous?...

Like I said, choices will matter.

 

[Deleted member 1412183]

This is one single most important constructive criticism that the dev should take on board. I'm just making an assumption here but because he already wrote adult novels, I think the dev is over-complicating things while thinking that complexity = depth = better, while in reality that depth only means better if done properly and not just because it's complex. And the details of some things in this game definitely detracted the enjoyment of the game because they are illogical. Additional details need to make sense.

I'm probably just a half-empty kind of person, but I don't have high hopes for the next 5-6 months. As a new adult game developer, I feel that SW is too ambitious. Instead of starting small to continuously grow better, he already set the bar too high from the beginning so it feels like the only way is down. Starting from the opening statement, and then making TWO different games at once without even ever completing a single game yet, I'm just confused as to why this is the path he decided to go to.

Lol it seems to me you don't like this game. 9 out of your 10 posts are criticizing, saying it's just average or you don't have high hopes. No need to beat a dead horse. Just play something you like

 

[a1fox3]

Lol it seems to me you don't like this game. 9 out of your 10 posts are criticizing, saying it's just average or you don't have high hopes. No need to beat a dead horse. Just play something you like

I would never give the time of day to people like this, just keep doing your game YOUR WAY and don't bother these type of players.

So far I and many others like this VN.
Just needs more kissing and pregnancy and I set for life.

 

[Skylaroo]

Lol it seems to me you don't like this game. 9 out of your 10 posts are criticizing, saying it's just average or you don't have high hopes. No need to beat a dead horse. Just play something you like

This is exactly the wrong attitude to approach the issue.

9 out of my 10 posts are criticizing, yet my conclusion is that the game is just average. Think about why is that? Why is my conclusion the game not awful instead? Because an average game would need improvement to become good. Because there are plenty of things in this game that can be improved. Because there is nothing in this game so far that set it apart (let alone ahead of) from other games.

You're the one who said it yourself that you wanted to be held to the highest standard. Yet, you're the one who didn't want to be criticized for not meeting that highest standard you set. Ask yourself and be honest, is this the highest standard of a game that you could produce or can you go even better? If you can make something even better, then where would you place your product right now? Surely not the top.