Here are some of my quick thoughts/observations after playing through this awesome VN for the first time this weekend.
- I searched the thread but no one appears to have noted the funny dialog about how Professor Heisenberg was absent and MC was "uncertain" about when he would return (an obvious physics reference to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle).
- This is the first game or novel in what is probably forever that has introduced me to an unfamiliar, commonly-used word (though it turns out to be Australian slang, so I guess it's not unsurprising that I've never heard of it before)...namely spruiking! spruik (verb) - to promote an idea to another person.
- Veronica and Jasmine far outpace the rest of the LI's in the game (that's just my personal opinion of course, others may disagree on which characters are more compelling and attractive to them).
- I do find Maggie to be very nice too, and the scene where she "doesn't want to bother" MC stands out to me the most, because it is such a great character moment for her that establishes her as being unselfish, which I find very attractive (again IMO).
- Allie is growing on me as the story progresses (though she won't ever reach the level of V or Jazz I suspect).
- The competitive banter and cattiness between Veronica and Jasmine is well done and makes them feel like real people to me. This rivalry – and the interesting dynamic of female aggression in general – isn't something you often see pulled off this well in adult VNs.
- On that topic, I would enjoy seeing the MC try to mellow the rivalry between Veronica and Jasmine somewhat in the future, to get them to at least respect and perhaps even admire what the other woman has to offer. They are both the standout LIs in the game (again IMO) and it would be nice if they could have generally positive endings even when MC is on the other's path. If the rivalry continues at this level, I don't see how it won't turn into serious hard feelings and much awkwardness later on.
- The deluge of puns between Natalya and MC around the subject of electromagnetism was sometimes funny, sometimes so terrible it was funny, and sometimes just downright awful and annoying to read yet another one of them.
- It seems pretty clear to me that Natalya is a shady plant who is involved in some way with people who are trying to steal the prototype/secrets from MC, though it feels like she will be a heel face turn or instead reveal herself to be working for some organization that is trying to protect MC. I do think she will ultimately land on our side, at least based on how the story beats are hitting with her character. She is just a bit too amateurish to be a full-on antagonist (I could be wrong about this though). Regardless, I'm keeping Natalya at arms length in my main playthrough for obvious reasons.
- Veronica didn't really come across well in lobbying for MC to choose her as his +1 for the ball. I think she should have argued that she was the much more proper and elegant choice as compared to Jasmine, instead of acting immature and focusing too much on the idea that MC should immediately jump in and defend her, just...because. (This could be deliberate on the part of the dev though, considering my next point...)
- Having Jasmine attend the ball feels like it fits better as story canon for some reason, perhaps in large part due to the great dynamic shown between her and Alexa during the ball scenes. Watching those two interact is very amusing, given how Alexa so easily pushes all of Jasmine's buttons.
- The final race to close out ch2 had me pumping my fist at the end alongside MC, so kudos to the devs there...great setup and establishing of stakes, execution, etc.
- Something about the start of the "Lily coma" arc did feel...a bit "off" to me. I'm not sure why it took so long for the obvious "call to action" for the protagonist to land, but perhaps it was the sense that it would quickly bring the story to a grinding halt, which did indeed turn out to be the case, unfortunately. I can understand why the MC and Allie would devote every second of their lives following this event to Lily's well being and care, but having the reader follow them through every...single...moment of so much of that process very quickly overstayed its welcome. Tighter editing was needed here.
- And speaking of places where some editing could improve the story, we have to address the technobabble. Now this common trope does serve an important purpose in storytelling: namely to quickly move the plot forward when the protagonists face a difficult impasse/challenge. And yes, it can be used differently in experienced hands. For example, the lengthy technobabble when MC and Jasmine solve the discharge problem is effective and appropriate, even though it goes into a fair bit of "unneeded" detail. In other places though, like during the long explanation by Dr Mahamaya for Lily's treatment, the technobabble just drags noticeably and has a negative effect on the story's overall pacing. In most situations, it's simply better to keep technobabble short and concise. And that's an area where the current version of the story could be improved I think.
- Alongside the pacing issues it obviously creates because of its length, the whole sales pitch given by Dr Mahamaya about Lily's care also had me screaming "snake oil salesman!" at several points, most importantly when the concept of copying memories was described in detail. Taken within story canon, it's hard to see MC and Allie as having done anything more than waste a whole lot of their money for very dubious reasons. Now I doubt the story is going to make our attractive Doctor an antagonist, but if it does the reasons are definitely there to support it. Personally, I think the sales pitch should have just been explained to the reader through a quick "bullet point" summary after the meeting as MC and Allison discussed the offer and made their decision, and in my head canon I had to replace most of the neurological nonsense that the good doctor proposed with a no-frills, practical care routine that focused on maintaining Lily's physical health as the top priority for medical staff (which was well established as being a valid concern under normal care), and that the WUI's special techniques would be much more likely to get her out of the coma earlier. The "dealing with trauma through memory manipulation" stuff can still be mentioned if needed (but only in summary I would argue...the problem though with any suggestion I make is that I don't know the overall intentions of the devs story-wise...this concept might become very important later on), but to me the "psychological trauma angle" needs to be at most a potential added benefit, while the number one priority simply has to be on the much more valuable result of shortening the timespan that Lily is in the coma. Nothing else properly justifies that level of investment/expense.
- It's quite frustrating how the MC gets cockblocked at every corner with Jasmine, but I guess it has served to build up anticipation and sexual tension fairly well...still, the execution does feel a bit too arbitrary and frustrating at times story-wise.
- The introduction of Tiana late in ch2 has me worried that the game will suffer in future updates from having too many side LIs, rather than putting the required focus on the the strong core group of characters that already exist.
Again, this is an incredible start to what is likely to be a great VN, and I think with just a bit of extra polish (mainly tighter editing, and a stronger and more compelling motivation regarding Lily's treatment) the story thus far is close to damn near perfect. Great job, and I'm really looking forward to playing the next update!
