I was going to give you a like for that humorous post.
But then you had to remind me of this horror and I NOPED right out.
Adding spicy bits is half the fun! And there ain't no one and no thing spicier in this here game than the gal, the witch, the Froggy herself!
And you have to agree - she becomes extra spicy after Breakers releases VALZIRA 2.0 PORTABLE EDITION! THAT'S RIGHT! OUR BAD BOY KOBOLD MADE HER EXTRA-LIGHT FOR YOUR COMFORTABLE USE! VALZIRA 2.0 IS NOW COMPACT SO YOU CAN FIT HER EASILY IN ANY SPACE YOU WANT! YOU WANT TABLETOP VALZIRA, CARSEAT VALZIRA, KITCHEN VALZIRA, DOORKNOB VALZIRA, CHANDELIER VALZIRA?! YOU CAN HAVE IT! HECK, YOU CAN EVEN FIT HER IN YOUR BACKPACK TO ENJOY SOME QUALITY TIME OUTDOORS! VALZIRA 2.0 PORTABLE EDITION CAN BE YOURS JUST FOR 999.99$! OFFER IS LIMITED! CALL US NOW AND YOU'LL NEVER REGRET IT!
Warning: Greedy Kobold Incorporated bears no responsibility for any headbutts, bitemarks, loss of fingers and/or genitalia and/or emotional, psychological, spiritual, existential damage due to constant swearing, profanities, curses and inventive threats of lethal sexual violence with the use of home appliances. To enjoy your Valzira 2.0 Portable edition TM safely, please do wear appropriate protection: hazmat suit, class V body armor, wielding googles, hockey gloves, oversized spiked pauldrons, apron with flower print, earplugs, magical talismans and holy scripture of your choice.
Remember - your safety is in your hands. Because we took Valzira's hands away and fed them to Cooch. We told her this was curry. She even had explosive diarrhea afterwards. Girl should really work on her Dionysian habits. One day a very bad dragon might use her helpless body at night and she would mistake him for her captain! Imagine that!
I think I lost the script. Probably dropped it here somewhere... Oh no... It went into Cooch's curry. She now has schizophrenia as well. Poor Cooch. Anyway, its enough for today. I think we all should enjoy our well (or sort of) deserved rest.
Oh, and before I leave - do not forget... THE OFFER FOR VALZIRA 2.0 PORTABLE EDITION IS LIMITED! AND FIRST TEN BUYERS WILL GET A FREE COOCH AS WELL! SHE EVEN COMES WITH A DONKEY EQUIPPED! WITH OFFER SO GENEROUS WE ARE PRACTICALLY RIPPING OURSELVES!
No-no-no-no, Breaker, its called a metaph... OH GOD
static