VN Ren'Py Riff [Ch.1] [Darkside_games]

[FatGiant]

Short Review for Ch.1 version

Spoiler

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Some extra advice: Use a writing tool like Grammarly or other to avoid some of these issues.

Peace

 

[69Creampie]

Just started and first thing I notice is MC is suppposed to be an old-fart/midlife-crisis type supposedly repulsive to potential groupies yet he doesn't look a day over 30. Was his birth certificate taped to his guitar or something so the front rows knew his actual age? Also it looks weird when your neice looks only a few years younger than the MC. Maybe it's later revealed he's a vampire or something.

 

[xapican]

MC is suppposed to be an old-fart/midlife-crisis type supposedly

Hey ! best thing is that after you grew out of your diapers you'll reach that age fast too...

 

[Old Grumpy Wolf]

Dev is very wishy washy. "Maybe NTR" - "I HATE NTR" - "Possibly NTR" - "I don't like NTR" - "No NTR" - "I already have NTR" - "Avoidable NTR".

Game def isn't for me. I wish you luck with this.

 

[andrei88990]

Seems like a solid game but the very bad english is putting me off il keep an eye on it, Word of advise if you are translating it yourself or someone else just stop and maybe just use google translate.

 

[69Creampie]

Aside from the weird Engrish (flipped pronouns and awkward structure made me often have to read things twice and mentally fix it in my head) the finger-banging the niece was hot. I'm sure it will have a long bright future on Patreon.

 

[grim019]

Dev is very wishy washy. "Maybe NTR" - "I HATE NTR" - "Possibly NTR" - "I don't like NTR" - "No NTR" - "I already have NTR" - "Avoidable NTR".

It would be nice if dev gave a definitive answer.

 

[sigvar]

In reality it would be: a ver si ella ha llegado (let's see if she has arrived) or a ver si ella llegó (let's see if she arrived). A ver si ella llegado is wrong in Spanish.

Won't argue grammar in a language that I don't speak, so I'll assume you are correct here. My point was with that post that the very simple act of translating via simple web browser to and from the language you are trying to translate to can bring to light some big errors that you don't have to be fluent in that target language to notice.

Having a native speaker of the target language will always beat auto translating, but if you don't have that, there are other ways to use the tools to better effect than what was done here.

 

[FatGiant]

Won't argue grammar in a language that I don't speak, so I'll assume you are correct here. My point was with that post that the very simple act of translating via simple web browser to and from the language you are trying to translate to can bring to light some big errors that you don't have to be fluent in that target language to notice.

Having a native speaker of the target language will always beat auto translating, but if you don't have that, there are other ways to use the tools to better effect than what was done here.

The only way a native speaker could help this, is if they are also fluent in Spanish. The "source" material is riddled with errors, some mild, some horrible, some inexcusable. For example: When saying the coffee is too hot, the author writes in Spanish "Cadliente", twice. Genders are distorted in Spanish too.

At this point I don't even know if the author even is Spanish. Or at least Hispanic. The language used is very basic, like what you'd see from someone that rarely ever read anything more than the titles of a Sports Magazine, not even the text, just the titles.

The story that they are trying to tell, is quite interesting, but unless the author of this really tries to write, or, finds a writer to work with, I see little hope here.

Then there's the indecision of whether to include avoidable NTR. We, that have been on this forum for a while, know that unless you want to include it, you never even mention such a thing. There's nothing to be gained from it.

What it looks like is the author trying to open a "Bid War" to see who he needs to please. That, has been tried before, the game doesn't even exists anymore.

Then, there's a strange "bug", the morning after you get a blowjob from the eye color changing girl, the variable that should be "True" is still "False" and the MC acts in the lake as if he never saw her naked before.

At this point, I don't intend to waste anymore time in this title, at least not until the author makes up it's mind about NTR, learns that an AVN is meant to be READ, therefore text needs to be readable, both in terms of clarity and quality of it, also, don't shut down tools meant to make life easier for people with eyesight and reading problems. This was an asshole move.

Peace

 

[JokerOfTorment]

Actually, I don't like the NTR, although I already have a route with avoidable NTR. I think it would be better to put an option at the start where you can enable or disable the NTR, just like at the point where the game goes. Although it doesn't go with NTR route yet, I'm going to implement it in the next update. I'm going to try to make the game please everyone, just like me; and I'm not going to stop.

So pretty much you will just be pleasing the ntr fans the most since soon as this thread gets slapped with the ntr tag it's going to hit a lot of peoples ignore lists.

 

[Beast Within]

I followed because of this..

I understand perfectly what you say, but it is not justification, I mean in the crazy world of music there is everything, like sharing girls, letting someone from your band sleep with a producer to get contracts or something like that, there are a thousand ways to put NTR, but as I said I HATE NTR and I think the best decision I can make is not to put it because as I can't please everyone I will please myself and follow my clean story.

No NTR no problem

I am dropping it because of this...

Actually, I don't like the NTR, although I already have a route with avoidable NTR. I think it would be better to put an option at the start where you can enable or disable the NTR, just like at the point where the game goes. Although it doesn't go with NTR route yet, I'm going to implement it in the next update. I'm going to try to make the game please everyone, just like me; and I'm not going to stop.

 

[YogSothoth1982]

Actually, I don't like the NTR, although I already have a route with avoidable NTR. I think it would be better to put an option at the start where you can enable or disable the NTR, just like at the point where the game goes. Although it doesn't go with NTR route yet, I'm going to implement it in the next update. I'm going to try to make the game please everyone, just like me; and I'm not going to stop.

My point is that even if you try, you're not going to please everyone. Second, many harem fans tend to exclude games with netorare from their searches, so if you try to make a harem game more than netorare, you're going to lose a lot of players who won't even know the game exists. Most will only show up when the harem tag is in the game thread, but quite a few of them won't if the netorare tag is also there. If you add netorate without the harem tag, all you'll get is a bunch of NTR fans in the game thread, who of course will just want more netorare. Chances are the harem fans won't show up or will disappear from the moment there's netorare, but the harem isn't present.

But it's your game, so if that's what you feel you should do, then go for it.

 

[sp4ckj4rr0w_420]

Ugh, the level of engrish is too high for me... I need to level up more

 

[Humhom Nunje]

The grammar is awful, but from the understandability, it's not that bad. If a native speaker or even someone fairly competent at english took a look, most of the faults could be taken care of.

 

[BGRW2020]

Crude try - English grammer is so bad and unless you come clean with what you are including you will not have a large audience, trying to please all and including things like NTR is a fat NO NO

 

[Rockero_69]

The update was good, (although it would have been better if it lasted a bit longer). The girls in bikinis look great and it advanced the story and left us in suspense. Now everything was fine until the WTF moment of the game came, which was this:

Spoiler: WTF

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I didn’t know how to react to that, the only thing I could think of was a facepalm repeatedly, as an attached note what’s up with DEVs and turning girls into lesbians, I hope it’s humor, because the game has potential in story, the renders are good although they could be improved, but other than that, as I mentioned the update was good.

 

[Beast Within]

The update was good, (although it would have been better if it lasted a bit longer). The girls in bikinis look great and it advanced the story and left us in suspense. Now everything was fine until the WTF moment of the game came, which was this:

Spoiler: WTF

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I didn’t know how to react to that, the only thing I could think of was a facepalm repeatedly, as an attached note what’s up with DEVs and turning girls into lesbians, I hope it’s humor, because the game has potential in story, the renders are good although they could be improved, but other than that, as I mentioned the update was good.

makes you wonder, if two of the three banner lis ( from what it seems) are now proud "carpet-eating lesbians" , where does that leave the mc? cause he is 40 and now "fuck older men, carpet tastes better!"

 

[grim019]

The update was good, (although it would have been better if it lasted a bit longer). The girls in bikinis look great and it advanced the story and left us in suspense. Now everything was fine until the WTF moment of the game came, which was this:

Spoiler: WTF

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I didn’t know how to react to that, the only thing I could think of was a facepalm repeatedly, as an attached note what’s up with DEVs and turning girls into lesbians, I hope it’s humor, because the game has potential in story, the renders are good although they could be improved, but other than that, as I mentioned the update was good.

After seeing that it feels like the lesbian tag definitely needs to be added.

 

[Raziel_8]

plan harem in future, ntr possibly but avoidable has never really appealed to me.

Then don't add it.

I'm going to try to make the game please everyone, just like me; and I'm not going to stop.

That won't work, it almost never does.
If you add ntr you will lose a lot of potential vanila/harem fans, on the other hand if you want to make money from the ntr fans you will need to add a lot of ntr in your game, which is probably not such a good idea if you hate ntr yourself...you will work a lot and a long time on this game if you want it completed one day, so you really shouldn't add content you dislike, ain't not good for long time motivation.

they still do not understand that it is avoidable and remember that in the musical environment all of this is seen

I understand perfectly what you say, but it is not justification, I mean in the crazy world of music there is everything, like sharing girls, letting someone from your band sleep with a producer to get contracts or something like that, there are a thousand ways to put NTR, but as I said I HATE NTR and I think the best decision I can make is not to put it because as I can't please everyone I will please myself and follow my clean story.

future tags: incest, harem, drugs, violence, maybe ntr

No NTR no problem

Actually, I don't like the NTR, although I already have a route with avoidable NTR. I think it would be better to put an option at the start where you can enable or disable the NTR, just like at the point where the game goes. Although it doesn't go with NTR route yet, I'm going to implement it in the next update. I'm going to try to make the game please everyone, just like me; and I'm not going to stop.

Dude, sorry but have you actually put any planning in your story and how it should go ?
If you will include ntr it will add a lot of branching and add a significant amount work.
Basically you need to write a very different story in addition to the harem one, so that LI's/MC and their characters/character development are fitting with the path you choose.
Just whoring your beloved niece out for a contract without corrupting her, as well as the MC before, or let the characters behave like that never happened after you do something like that will be pretty bad story telling.

Also what has it to do with if these things happen in the music industry ?
It also happens in the model industry, can happen at your workplace, neighbours, or if the plumber visits your home...
Just because there are a lot of ways of how you could add ntr doesn't mean you need to include it, especially not if you apparently hate it.

You could just show that these things happen to other musicians, not the LI's.
You could simple make it so that the girls have a brain and reject such offers, or not interested in other guys, or have them and the MC take care of each other that they don't end in such a situation...

Also will lesbian content forced or will you make that avoidable ?
Avoidable as in, it doesn't happen, not you just skipp the scene.

makes you wonder, if two of the three banner lis ( from what it seems) are now proud "carpet-eating lesbians" , where does that leave the mc? cause he is 40 and now "fuck older men, carpet tastes better!"

That was probably among the dumbest scenes i've seen so far...so that counts as lez ntr right
Worst is, i don't think it was a joke, hard to tell with the english.

 

[fajiker145]

Spoiler: WTF

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what’s up with DEVs and turning girls into lesbians

I'll never know but it seems to be a trend that isn't going to die any time soon unfortunately.

However, doesn't matter how they go about it always ends up being as retarded as the screenshots you've shared, so if it was a joke then it was a good one for sure