- Apr 4, 2018
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We still have a ways to go, we're nowhere near the end of the story ;-)
- Thread starter monroe
- Start date
- Feb 4, 2018
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I remember playing this game but couldn't remember for the life of me what it was about. So I decided to start again, just to get me up to speed. It didn't take long to realize why I completely forgot what the story was.
The writing is bad. It's unfortunate, because with some tweaking this game could go from average to excellent in a heartbeat. It has the right elements in place, character progression => MC needs to become the man of the house and become an adult. Has some mystery involving his father and the science he was doing. Hot lady's everywhere. I would take a different approach to the whole mindcontrol thing, it's been done numerous times and it gets old super quick. The build up between the family members needs to be slower.
For example: The science stuff the MC has to do makes him horny all the time. This is fine, however the fainting and basically making the people around him to satisfy him so he wouldn't faint again is bad.
Instead, they should notice his erections, maybe even think to themselves that he has a nice cock or something along those lines but that's it, at first. After through the actions of the MC who takes care of his friends and family and by becoming more mature, they get closer and closer to him.
The science could have alternative side effects, like for example the MC is able to tell when a woman gets aroused. That would give him the idea of pursuing his familymembers, because during one of his many erections, they got moised. Same could be done for any other character. Or being unable to lie for a period of time when he does these experiments, this could make up for some very funny interactions where characters like mom or sis would find out about his true emotions. These are just some thought on the top of my head but alrdy I feel these elements would make the game so much more in depth..
I still sorta like this game cause im a sucker for incest, but it could be sooooooo much better... Best of luck to you dev
edit: removed terrible because it was so harsh and offending everyone.. oh yh and I also removed that I believe I could do better at making a story
The writing is bad. It's unfortunate, because with some tweaking this game could go from average to excellent in a heartbeat. It has the right elements in place, character progression => MC needs to become the man of the house and become an adult. Has some mystery involving his father and the science he was doing. Hot lady's everywhere. I would take a different approach to the whole mindcontrol thing, it's been done numerous times and it gets old super quick. The build up between the family members needs to be slower.
For example: The science stuff the MC has to do makes him horny all the time. This is fine, however the fainting and basically making the people around him to satisfy him so he wouldn't faint again is bad.
Instead, they should notice his erections, maybe even think to themselves that he has a nice cock or something along those lines but that's it, at first. After through the actions of the MC who takes care of his friends and family and by becoming more mature, they get closer and closer to him.
The science could have alternative side effects, like for example the MC is able to tell when a woman gets aroused. That would give him the idea of pursuing his familymembers, because during one of his many erections, they got moised. Same could be done for any other character. Or being unable to lie for a period of time when he does these experiments, this could make up for some very funny interactions where characters like mom or sis would find out about his true emotions. These are just some thought on the top of my head but alrdy I feel these elements would make the game so much more in depth..
I still sorta like this game cause im a sucker for incest, but it could be sooooooo much better... Best of luck to you dev
edit: removed terrible because it was so harsh and offending everyone.. oh yh and I also removed that I believe I could do better at making a story
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- Apr 4, 2018
- 2,117
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"hell I'm sure I can write a better story then (sic) this"
Be my / our guest
And make sure you let us know about your oeuvre when you're done so we can take a look and learn how it's done.
I think quite a lot of ppl (not only you, no insult intended!) do not realize how much effort goes into a game such as this.
Can it be improved upon? Yes, certainly! However this is a hobby project and if we tried to accomplish all that we would like to see included we'd almost never finish an update.
- Feb 4, 2018
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Look im sorry I didnt mean to offend, but surely you realise the dialogue between characters isnt good. I'm only talking about the story, not the whole game. Thats why I also said it has the right elements in it, it just needs some tweaking. Not a big overhaul. Yes I know making a game is very time consuming. And if you want, I'm willing to proofread and give suggestions to you for the story, I'm not good at programming so I cant help with that. Dont even have to pay me or anything"hell I'm sure I can write a better story then (sic) this"
Be my / our guest
And make sure you let us know about your oeuvre when you're done so we can take a look and learn how it's done.
I think quite a lot of ppl (not only you, no insult intended!) do not realize how much effort goes into a game such as this.
Can it be improved upon? Yes, certainly! However this is a hobby project and if we tried to accomplish all that we would like to see included we'd almost never finish an update.
- Jun 17, 2019
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We're all waiting for your game, genius. Opinions are fine, criticisms too, but start saying "The writing is terrible" and "I can do better" is really harsh, selfish and certainly, very umcomprobable.
- Feb 4, 2018
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Is it really that harsh? Youre basically insulting me now by saying this. Do you actually feel the dialogue and story is that good that you can defend it? I understand, I came over as rude. Doesnt mean what I said isn't any less true. The writing is in fact bad, the reason I called it terrible is because it cant be that long ago that I played this game, and like I said I couldnt remember a single thing of it.
Btw i dunno what umcomprobable means. Dunno why im being selfish by saying I could do better, arrogant is a better word. But yh, maybe I'm being arrogant, but I truly believe I could make a better story. NOT A GAME
- Jun 17, 2019
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I don't think you should ask him for help
- Feb 7, 2018
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- Feb 4, 2018
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Ok, my apologies to the dev and who else I offended by this.
The writing is bad, I couldn't do it better though, even when I'm able to see the glaring wholes the story/dialogue and/or character progressions have, it's beyond my capabilities to fill in the gaps where possible or having any original or creative ideas and/or improve upon any existing ideas myself.
Is this what you want me to say?
I've been staring at this msg for a while now, not knowing whether I should post it or not. In thruth I feel some of you should grow a thicker skin. I don't feel I bashed the dev that hard, yes maybe I was rude and I couldve refrained from being arrogant. But actually the whole: "hell even I could do better than this" was an exaggeration to make a point. People took it waay to literal and I end up having to defend myself, over this.
Maybe I went wrong here by saying: "yes I was rude but I actually think I could do better". I quite like reading, movies basically a good story. So after having viewed so many, I believe I do have a grasp on what makes a good story. But I never created one, and so I could be terribly mistaken at this.
Anyway again apologies who were offended.
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- Jun 17, 2019
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- Feb 4, 2018
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Wow, I feel like im trying to defend myself against a toddler. I PM'd you in which I informed you the first part of my post was being defensive and second part was being sincere. The actual apology is at the bottom of my post. Not saying its the greatest apology, IT IS STILL ONE. GET OVER IT.
Your second quote, what I meant there: Maybe i went wrong here by saying: "yes I was rude but I actually think I could do better" that was me, quoting myself but didnt use the "".. Dude give it a rest alrdy
- Feb 4, 2018
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It's a false positive. I had the same issues aswell as some other members, there's no trojan in there.
- Feb 4, 2018
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ehm not sure if this will work but:
You must be registered to see the links
- Aug 11, 2018
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(Edit: Actually this response refers back to comments on earlier pages regarding the quality of English in this game.)
The developer says in their note on page one that they are not a native English speaker and the VN (like many others) suffers from some of the errors that crop up due to machine/poor translation. That being said, there is a clear plot and the conversations are understandable even if they are a little off in terms of proper grammar or use of idiom. Those characteristics in themselves are probably enough to bring the quality of writing up to the middle of the pack in terms of the games here. The one critical phase in production that could be added is to ship the written content to a competent editor who is a native English speaker (or fluent in one set of idioms be they American, British or Australian). Professional editing might run you about $50 per hour, but the amount of written material in most updates would only require a couple of hours.
But let's be realistic. Most people are here for hot milfs, good renders, and sexy visuals, not the quality of the accompanying prose. Developers are stretched for time and money, and unless you're contributing to someone's funding and pm-ing them to push for the money to be spent on editing, or better yet volunteering to do it yourself if you're qualified, you're unlikely to get the quality that you appear to want.
- Aug 22, 2018
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Still better than the ideas you had.
I could get my most powerful vibrator, set it on max and stick it on my keyboard and it would come up with something better than "notices he has a nice cock" that is so cliche other cliche plots mock it for the bitch it is.
Your ideas are why I always tell devs to never use plot points from players.
how da fak i m suppsoed to know they talk about another game ?
its not like i m lurking around like a creepy fucker :/ .
i saw guy mentionned that he compressed the game after someone asked for it. then someone mention its Unity and i see renpy on the game tag.
i m not 700IQ to instantly guess they talk about something else lol.
