Alright gonna give this a shot. I'm gonna edit this post for any typos I find, then I'll probably make a separate post and link this post in it when I'm done playing with my thoughts and any feedback afterwards to signify being done with bug/typo hunting. Some of the things I report are subjective or debatable.
typos in your thread overview
"She decided to kick you out of her place cause wants to marry and have a kid, and you're not trustworthy enough for her. Your father stopped helping you financially and in few days you found yourself jobless and homeless."-> She decided to kick you out of her place cause she wants to marry and have a kid, and you're not trustworthy enough for her. Your father stopped helping you financially and in a few days you found yourself jobless and homeless.
"This is your last occasion to show everyone what you are made of."-> This is your last chance to show everyone what you're really made of.
Ver. Alpha 0.1
Typos/Inconsistencies/Bugs Found
Welcome message when starting new save
portrait a credible story->portray a credible story
Game Intro
"exihibit"->exhibit
"and there I am"-> and here I am
"my ownhouse" -> my own house
Meeting Erik
"Now come"-> Now come.
"For the fuck sake, no, I have a real job." -> Fuck no. I have a real job.
"he needs to learn a lot of the world"-> he needs to learn a lotta things about the world
"Well, aren't you an eager to please, boy?" Well, aren't you an eager to please boy?
"you know it's the only employee we can afford" -> you know he's the only employee we can afford
"You should just shut down this place"-> You should just shut this place down
"Hey Eric, sorry if I caused any friction back there" missing period or . symbol at the end
"She's in that age"-> She's at that age. (preference on how to say or write this sentence aside you missed a period)
Meeting Erik's daughter and him overhearing what you said
"A customer could have hear you"-> A customer could have heard you
Being shown your room
"let you settle in"-> let you settle in.
First day after meeting them
"Why does this people has chickens"-> Why do these people have chickens?
It's a quite big place.-> It's quite a big place.
find all and replace instances of SPA to Spa across all text dialogue files
Meeting the masseuse
"And... Who is there."-> And... who is this?
"Isn't a bit too early" Isn't it a bit too early
"But the only ones who came make sure to keep me busy"-> But the ones that do make sure to keep me busy
The day passed by unnoteworthy, as the last customer -> The day passed by un-noteworthily, as the last customer or The day passed by with nothing to note, as the last customer
"And there are few employers, only a single masseuse, Jessy. Mary takes care of treatments" ->And there are only a few employees. Other than me only a single masseuse Jessy while Mary herself takes care of treatments.
"This place seems on the edge of failure"-> This place seems to be on the edge of failure
"Just like me afterall" -> Just like me (The MC never compared himself with the place before as far as I remember so it was weird to add the afterall part)
Exploring the pool
"I should definitively" -> I should definitely
"Better than I thought for sure"-> Better than I thought for sure. (seems like a pattern of forgetting to put the punctuation mark)
Erik asking us if we want to eat with him and the others
"Hey, we're about to eat something all together" -> Hey we're all about to eat something together
Being inspected on my bartending
"you'll have to examine that too" -> You'll have to examine that too!
"Yeah, on it"-> Yeah, on it.
After ordering more wine
"Maybe some customer will die if we fix the sauna, but at least they'll die happy"
IDK why the MC talks about fixing the sauna and a customer dying happy after ordering more bottles of wine. The sauna seems unrelated and kinda confusing. I'm guessing youre trying to tell us a joke that if a customer drinks while in the sauna he'll die happy at least?
If that is the case I would rewrite it to
-> "Maybe some customer will drink it all while in the sauna, but at least they'll die happy!"
"She's is gone" -> Hm... seems like she's gone...
Miriam being dismissive when asked where her mom is and clicking the option make fun of her
Not necessarily a typo but I thought that you didnt need to say thatyou were starting to make an impression of her. I thought you could just straight up go to the actual impersonation or impression of her.
"Hello Bruce, how's going?" -> "Hello Bruce, how's it going?"
"If I'm quick getting back in my room,not Erik nor Marry will spot me..." -> If I'm quick in getting back to my room, maybe no one will spot me and I can get some well deserved rest.
Erik stopping us from going to our room
"Hey kid"->Hey kid.
"Here, let's go next the pool"-> Here, let's go next to the pool.
"I know your've been kinda forced to came here" -> I know you've been kinda forced to come here.
"Bruce, are you interested earning a few bucks?" -> Bruce, are you interested in earning a few bucks?
"I've noticed that Jessy is quite withdrawn lately" I thought Erik's daughter was Miriam?
"Would you let me know if you find out something?" (It's actually fine and you can leave it as is but I just prefer "Would you let me know if you find something out?" )
"I'll go to change and have a swim now"-> I'll go change and have a swim now.
"Keep me posted"->Keep me posted.
"Being a spy it's certainly not my thing" -> Being a spy...it's certainly not my thing...
(Ah I guess he really did mean Jessy? As you can see I was confused if he was talking about Jessy or Miriam because Jessy never felt withdrawn to me and before this specific scene Miriam was not talking to us. Maybe adding more scenes of her intentionally avoiding Erik or not talking to him would be better. )
"I mean, Beside Miriam plan to burn this place down" -> I mean, Besides Miriam planning to burn this place down.
"And if he cares so much about his wife, how did he missed she was almost begging for alcohol today."-> And if he cares so much for his wife, how come he missed her practically begging for alcohol today?
I expected a prompt or a black screen with text saying next day after going to my room and thinking about Erik's offer. instead it goes straight to the pool and the condom we found.
"But there is Miriam in the bar, I could try talk with her." -> But it seems that Miriam is in the bar, maybe I could try talking with her.
Among the choices on what to do
"Go straigth to Mary" -> Go straight to Mary
Going straight to Mary
"Are you good a taking pictures?"-> Are you good at taking pictures?
"I'll figure out something"-> I'll figure something out
"Among the choices to respond with the Actually, I've been studying it lately"
First, its grayed out. I'm assuming this will be clickable in the sandbox version and currently we cant choose it no matter what?
Secondly, I think it reads better if it was -> "Actually, I've been brushing up on it lately" this implies that we studied it before and that we are just reminding ourselves on how to do it properly or better since the backstory of the MC is that he was a photographer.
"Yeah, healty drinks"-> Yeah, healthy drinks
"No wait for her next to the jaccuzi"-> No, wait for her next to the jacuzzi. (There's much more cases of forgetting to put the period at the end even before this line appears that I was too lazy to list down)
"Last time I landed a job as a photographer it was a disaster, at it was only a birthday"-> Last time I landed a job as a photographer, it was a disaster cuz I was only hired to take photos for a kid's birthday party
(I rewrote the sentence here to make it a kid's birthday party making it seem more insulting and because I dont think anyone has to be embarrassed about being told to take photos for an adult birthday party)
"Are you ready to become a model"-> Are you ready to become a model?
"Not quite my piece of cake, but I guess I owe this to Mary"-> Not really... but I guess I do owe it to Mary...
(I don't know why the phrase piece of cake is used here because that is not how you use that term)
"I'm afrad that"-> I'm afraid that
"I guess I have a many good picture here"-> Seems like I have some good pictures here
In the phone app it says Jessi when everyone else calls her Jessy
Mary doesnt look like her model the model has red hair the picture on the phone has black I'm guessing its another pic of the actor?
"And on the backside all the info."(not really a typo and you can probabbly leave it as is but I think it would feel more natural if it was -> And put all the info on the back.)
"How does it sound like?"-> How does that sound?
"This is a quite rich family, why not investing more funds in this business?"-> This is a quite rich family, why don't they invest more funds into the business?
"She seems so shy, but she doesn't mind show off her body in front of me"-> she seems so shy, but she doesn't seem to mind showing off her body to me.
"maybe it's an hint"-> maybe it's a hint
"A seductress o I can be a princess"-> A seductress or a princess
"And she goes"-> And there she goes
Seeing Miriam after responding on facebook
"So... how's going today?"-> So... how's it going today?
"I mean... that's what you sa"->I mean... that's what you said.
"I dont care what do you mean"-> I don't care about what you think
"I can't wait you do something stupid so they can fire you"-> I can't wait for you to do something stupid so they can fire you.
"And maybe in few weeks they will shut down this stupid place"-> And maybe in a few weeks they'll shut this stupid place down
"And not because the young lady want to visit the big city" I dont know why this sentence was here. made no sense to me
"Things are heated over there"-> Things are heated over here
"Did Mary asked you to print some leaflets?"-> Did Mary ask you to print some leaflets?
When asked by Erik to throw away the leaflets I expected a choice to not throw them or at least verbally tell him no at that moment
"This is not of your concern" -> This is none of your concern
"What a weird men"-> What a weird man
"What the heck he's trying to accomplish here"-> What the heck is he trying to accomplish here?
"make a men out of you"-> make a man out of you.
"You are thirty and you should become fully indipendent now" -> You are thirty and you should be completely independent by now.
"Erik mentioned me he asked for you help"-> Erik mentioned to me that he asked for your help
"Is he spying me when I'm showering..."-> Is he spying on me when I'm in the shower?
"Isn't that obvious, he's trying to save his wife business"-> Isn't that obvious? He's trying to save his wife's business...
"Asking me to spy his employee? "->Asking me to spy on his employee?
"The sound comes from this direction"-> The sound is coming from this direction.
"There is someone in the Mary office" -> There is someone in Mary's office.
"Tomorrow I'll see what can I find out..."-> Tomorrow I'll see what I can find out...
Improvements/Suggestions
Normally we get to see the people we introduce ourselves to first before introducing ourselves so it wasn't obvious to me initially that the talk option was us introducing ourselves in the scene where Erik talks to his wife about us through the door. If it were me I'd remove this choice or part of the dialogue and push it down later to the part where we get to see the closeup of mary's face when entering the room.
When asked what I do by Jessy I expected another option that said "a little bit of everything" or "whatever Mary tells me to do"
since as far as I know that was what we were told to do.
I find it odd that there wasnt an option to reply nicely or not to Erik's question to eat dinner togetherand instead went straight for the rude response because I previously replied politely as much as I could.
I think it's fine to not have periods at the end of sentences when it's the thoughts of the protagonist but I think you need to put them when he actually talks.
When making the flyer the company logo is missing despite the boss saying to have it (You could handwave it and say its on the back of the flyer if you want XD)
