SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT |
gotta say, the characters and the rendering, look amazing... your story has potential.
I'm only at the pool scene second day, and almost want to stop playing because of the train wreck that has unfolded in front of my eyes... You have too much going on with no structure.
Burying his father, getting a major concussion (its not amnesia). Hitting on his mother (INC patch) hitting on and trying to fuck his neighbor in the shower. Looking down on his older sis for what she is wearing and getting grab assy, super creep on his younger sis (pulling a complete 180), trying to persuade her not to get changed/dressed, who was also scantily clad. Takes nap, mom comes in with tea and her knowing lemon is good for immune is somehow creepy as is the fashionable postmodern glass and SS coffee cup his mother designed... which he thinks looks like soviet chernobyl trash. and we havent even got to dinner yet... you need to build your characters and their personalities... Whats with uninvited unannounced soldier of fortune Aunt? Second day there and shes threatening her nephew who has a major concussion and is in mourning of her own dead brother in law, that if he doesnt have a job in a week, shes sending him into the Navy. Cause she has that type of authority over a early to mid 20s man, in a house shes crashing at. Is the Aunt unaware of those things.
Thats just like the tip of iceberg.
Anyways, im keep playing
GL in the future updates