Pretty good start, I think. The renders look quite nice. I'm impressed with the detailed descriptions that build the world of the game. A big selling point to me is the fact that most sexual interactions are optional; it's always nice to have the option to avoid stuff.
But let's get to the problems.
First of all, the renders, while looking good, are not always a good reflection of what is happening during the sexy scenes. This is most obvious during Ginny's and Tessa's scenes. It also shows in some regular scenes, for example when MC first goes to his new home and there are numerous lines describing the outside of the building, the look and sound of the inside, and how he uses the elevator, all while we're still looking at him standing in the public transport thingy.
The English is, for the most part, pretty good. The main complaint I have about it is the dev's apparent hatred for articles. "The" and "a" are commonly left out, and sometimes one is used in place of the other. I have a few of these listed below, but if I had tried to list all of them, I would have copied most of the script. Besides that, there are a number of small mistakes, and I tried to list all of those that I found below.
A couple more small things first though.
- Lise tells MC at some point that his trial period starts "the day after tomorrow", which seems to imply that he shouldn't come work the next day. Yet it seems like that's really the only thing you can do the next day.
- If you come back to the bar after the introduction to Tessa and Lise, clicking on Booth 3 will inexplicably tell you that "Booth number 4 is empty. For now." Which is a lie, Booth 4 seems to feature a busy couple.
- I don't know why -- I imagine it's a mistake -- but some of the girls use the word 'button' to refer to the MC's butt.
And finally, a personal remark. It happened a couple times to me that I saw a render and thought "Oh, who's that cute girl?" only to realize that was the MC... I don't know what to make of that, but I felt like saying it.
So, this is all I've got for you,
VoidPilgrim. Good luck with the game, and happy new year.
(version 0.1)