- Jan 26, 2021
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- Thread starter PsianDiameter
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- Nov 27, 2022
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I'm a fish? *looks in mirror* Maybe my great great great great ancestor was a prehistoric blob fish.
That's the Christian religion sure. I acknowledge there are other religions with other explanation of beginnings of human origins as well.
- Jun 9, 2017
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the children had sex with WHO? Cain and Abel were both males and Abel died so...Cain fucked his own mom?
- Jan 26, 2021
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- May 9, 2017
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It also irks me that western games which include bro/sis incest always include the mother incest or it gets shoe horned in and takes over the sis incest! Would like to see more games where the incest is sibling focused and the parents are an obstacle (game mechanic) to be worked around. Can still include gratuitous shots of the mother like upskirts, underwear, nude etc... for eyecandy but the main erotic and sexual focus being on the sibling. On that note as well we really need a SILF or Sister tag! We really don't have any way to identify where in the family the incest is focused if you're into bro/sis incest. But incest + milf tags are usually enough to denote that the game has at least somewhat of a focus on the mother.
Don't know if you're still around dev, but I personally didn't mind the girl being a step sibling. It actually felt kind of refreshing really when straight up incest is so commonplace.
- Jan 3, 2021
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Well, be careful what you wish for. Because I did breeze through both Waiting For You and Because You Are Special, and after doing so a certain Abraham Lincoln quote came to mind...
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt."
Before there was the possibility to hope that perhaps your writing could offer something to salvage what is here, but that is no longer the case. I am not saying that you are a fool here. What I am saying is that before I played these games your writing skill was unknown to me, but not anymore; so you no longer have the benefit of the doubt here.
Your writing just isn't very good. It is mediocre at best, and often worse than that.
It's not even a 'lost in translation' thing. Some of these mistakes are just downright sloppy or lazy.
I'm not going to get too hung-up on grammar and prose for a not-native speaker, but c'mon. The writing isn't great, and I doubt it's much better in its native tongue, but there are larger problems here that won't be fixed by just handing it over to be proof-read by a native English speaker. There are also other visual problems, like the size of Alice's hand changing between otherwise identical shots or her boobs being so fucking huge they break the model.
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Both games are very short experiences, which you can complete in under 10 minutes. I wouldn't however call them 'short stories', since they both lack story. There is no plot, there are no characters, there is no real drama or conflict to resolve. There is the barebones of a premise being presented, then some not particularly well written dialogue, followed by a boring sex scene; and no reason to be invested or care about any of it.
On a metatextual level, the big problem her is that 'romance' doesn't work as just a kink, in the way that being attracted to certain physical attributes are (e.g. tan lines, petite figure, round ass, etc.) or the mere presence of certain sexual situations can (e.g. oral sex, being restrained, cheating, etc.). Romance takes work. It needs proper setup and context, you need characters the audience can care about, and you need a relationship the audience can get invested in. None of that was on display in either game.
Just having a person say 'I love you' during sex is not romance.
This is especially so in Because You are Special, where all interactions with the MC (Len) shows him being a curmudgeonly asshole. He's apparently bitter, depressed, and is nothing but dismissive and mean to Shizuku. She keeps pushing towards Len, and he keeps pushing her away. When we finally get through enough painfully bad dialogue and she gets up to leave the apartment, I was rooting for her to go. At this point, Len had done nothing to show himself worth the time, effort, and affection being wasted on him. Now if the author wanted Len to be a sympathetic character, then that is absolutely a failing on the part of the writer.
How could you have fixed that? More context. You could have wrote his inner thoughts and dialogue, let the audience see what is going on in his head (especially if his thoughts and actions conflict). Maybe Len is struggling with depression and self-worth, but we the audience don't know that; all we see is him being an asshole. We can't know if the attention Shizuku is lavishing him with is actually secretly appreciated. Maybe he's pushing her away because he doesn't think he's worthy of her? Maybe all he really actually wants is some love and appreciation (something he's not getting from his current work or social circles), but he can't accept it for some other reason? That would at least give the audience some sort of CONFLICT to start to be interested in.
Do you know what else could have helped things? Having that '7 years ago' flashback before the sex scene, instead of having it at the end! If you're comfortable doing a massive time-jump to establish exposition and context, maybe do that sooner rather than later? You could have used flashbacks to see some of their past interactions, to build up the kind of meaningful context that would have potentially made their fucking a narratively fulfilling payoff. It's the sort of thing that would have been a cute scene in a more fleshed out story, but here it just further highlights how little narrative was spent on the setup beforehand.
The premise isn't the problem here. The problem is you didn't follow through. You didn't make characters worth caring about, you made props to yell dialogue with and then watch them fuck.
The point when Shizuku gets up to leave, and is stopped by Len (which we don't actually see) would be the denouement of a full fledged story. Here you're cutting right to the end; and I just don't have a reason to care. The audience is just never given enough time to learn about these people, to learn about their situation, to learn about their relationship. There is no reason to get invested, there is no reason to care. So when they finally exchange their 'I love you' with each other and fuck, there is no payoff because there was no buildup. Without anticipation, there is no climax.
Both games have the trappings of romance, the window dressing of romance. The people say they are in love, and then they fuck. But it isn't romance. Again, romance isn't just a kink you can slap onto things with a simple 'I love you'. Both games very much suffer from a case of needing to 'Show, Don't Tell'. We are TOLD that these people love each other, but we aren't SHOWN that by the narrative. It's like Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones, where the audience constantly needs to be TOLD that Anakin and Obi-Wan are good friends, because otherwise every time they're on screen they are bickering and fighting with one another. If you went by only what the audience was SHOWN, you'd think Anakin and Obi-Wan hated each other. That film's screenplay and direction absolutely failed to show the audience their friendship, which is why the audience needs to otherwise be constantly reminded of it by those two characters declaring the state of their friendship out loud.
Both games are on par with poorly written erotic fan-fiction, but without the benefit of being able to draw upon all of the established characters and relationships present in the original work that the fan-fiction is playing around with. It's like reading an erotic Harry Potter fan-fic, but when you have no idea who Harry Potter is or why he's fucking Hagrid.
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Sadly both games are about as shallow as your average porno setup. No more story than you'd get watching a 10 minute long clip on PornHub titled 'Naughty Student Bangs Her Teacher'. You got a premise, and that's it. That might work for porn, but here? I'm left wondering why I'm reading this rather than just playing Koikatsu Party. I'm not getting anything with either of these two games that I couldn't spitball myself in less than a minute. Depressed dude and love-struck childhood friend reuniting? Done. Thirsty wife and husband returning early from a work trip? Done. Now there's nothing inherently wrong with either of those premises, but you just failed to have either game rise above being more than just the premise.
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- Jan 26, 2021
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- Nov 27, 2022
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Well, alright, im sorry for causing you trouble, im just trying to open up a way to survive, as my country is a bit harder to get jobs in, esp im in design school with middling GPA. Im 20 and my parents are getting old, im trying to help them a bit.
- Jan 3, 2021
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You didn't cause any trouble. Don't mistake critique of your work for judgement on you as a person. So you're not a terribly great writer? That doesn't make you a bad person, or less worthy of survival. I'm sorry if that's all you took from my post.
I went to art college, spent years both giving and receiving harsh critique. You wanted feedback? So I gave you college level feedback. I downloaded, and played though in their entirety, two of your prior games. I gave you and your games an honest chance. Then I spent a not inconsiderable amount of time to analyze what I had just experienced, to break down what didn't work and why, and then condense all of that into language that could (hopefully) be understood by any layman.
I'm not being a troll. I'm not trying to just hurt your feelings. I know it's not fun to have your faults explained in excoriating detail, but that's just what you do in college level peer review. The point being that you need to know what your faults are, before you can work on correcting them.
If I were lazy, I could have just called them both 'crap' and called it a day. But I didn't. I'm hoping you can take something from what I wrote, learn from it, and improve your craft. Nobody ever gets any better by being told they're already perfect.
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Absolutely in love with the sister design, I hope you keep her the same if you start changing the game!
The tone of this comment is very sob-story esque. Earning a living means earning it. Trying and doing something poorly is not earning anything. Your situation is completely irrelevant to a critique of your work. Focus on the content of their critique and improve.
- May 30, 2018
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- Nov 27, 2022
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if people voted enough for it