i want to say something. it's been bugging me for a very long time. i like sao so when i found this game, i got curious and checked it out. at first, it was just curiosity. just something to see. but then i kept coming back. every update. every month. i don’t even know why.... i don’t self insert or anything, but for some reason, seeing asuna like that, seeing kirito losing everything, it just breaks my heart. even though it’s just a parody, even though it’s not real, it still gets to me. i like kirisuna. seeing them like that, losing the one person who’s been with him through everything, it hurts for some reason. and seeing asuna slowly change, seeing her mind break, it makes my chest feel heavy. it makes me feel sad for kirito....
and yet, i still crave it. i still get turned on. i don’t even understand myself anymore. but then, the moment it’s over, everything flips. post nut clarity hits so hard, and i just sit there. feeling empty. feeling like i did something wrong. i ask myself why i even like this. why i keep doing this to myself. why, if it hurts this much, do i keep coming back. i tell myself every time, this is the last time. i’ll stop. i won’t look at it again. i won’t think about it. but then the next update drops, and i’m right back here, trapped in the same cycle. and ik i’m not the only one.... ik other people feel this too. the regret. the weird mix of arousal and sadness that doesn’t make any sense
