- Thread starter IL PIRATA
- Start date
Daniele69
Engaged Member
- Feb 22, 2020
- 2,474
- 23,984
Maybe I'm biased but we're still talking about an erotic game. Criticism should be constructive and not demotivating to continue playing. Too many Devs then abandon and move on game new.
- Jan 25, 2021
- 1,177
- 15,001
Dany, at the moment I haven't received any insults regarding this update, they will come, but the fact that everyone expresses their opinion doesn't bother or concern me.
You know very well that I haven't used Renpy and Daz Studio for a long time, I'm happy with the progress made even if I remain the most critical of my work, only in this way can I improve.
- Jan 25, 2021
- 1,177
- 15,001
I understand the different preferences, unfortunately I have two other games in development with a female protagonist, I'm afraid that a fourth one that meets this request is impossible due to time constraints. To ‘forgive’ me, I'll post a 4k image of the protagonist.
Keep it up, man! You have one of the hottest female protagonists on this site. The rendering, in general, is A+. I think the main problems right now are the animations and the lack of real choices.
I'll keep an eye on this project.
I'll keep an eye on this project.
TheAbyss-0.1.4
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Jokes aside, I'm not really into FMC games that don’t include lesbian routes, since a lot of them end up treating women as objects just to serve the male characters. I will give this game a try later when I get a better sense of how the relationships with other characters are handled.
Seems pretty obvious from a narritve point of view, doesn't it?
The setup, as I said before, is stupid, starting with the question how some of these people are called her friends since none of them behaves like one, followed up with why on earth she would even be on this vacation. Either put more effort into making that plausible or just have her kidnapped. Which probably would lead to other problems when she needs to interact with her so called friends, but that's the setup.
Going forth from that point, which can still lead to a good story, a pure lesbian route while she needs a pure male substance, doesn't work out.
Anyway, I have hope for the revenge route, lets see where we can get with this.
I completely agree, the game could have so much potential, yet you have no choice to fight, unfortunately the creator seems hell bent on creating a totally SUBMISSIVE cumslut, if that's your goal at least place it in the games overview so people don't waste there time
The female models all seem to be the same! If that fits your standard of beauty, then you are right. If your standards are different then you're SOL.
On the other hand, at least the Dev has not burdened himself with the "too many LI's" curse. In my opinion, that bodes well for the eventual conclusion of the VN. Another positive indication that the VN might reach a conclusion is in the Hints/Walkthrough notation about how to deal with discovering the poison bottle as reference is made to future events. This indicates that the story is already, at least in skeleton form, drawn up.
In the best of all possible worlds, the Dev/Author would at least have a detailed outline of how the story will progress complete with chapters/days, scenes, and purpose of the scenes already laid out. The actual dialogue need not be already written, but a definite precis of the full story including how the points are earned and the effects of them should be already in hand.
The Dev desperately needs to acquire the services of an educated, native, English speaker to proof-read and edit the script.rpy file. The story needs to be delivered without the distraction of the narration and dialogue's poor English usage. The instances of the wrong gender for pronouns, prepositions without objects, etc. are just too off-putting for the reader. Some phrases, which may be idiomatic in the Dev's native language need to be replaced with something similarly idiomatic is English. I cannot stress enough how much any VN can be improved by simply having the script.rpy file proof-read by a native speaker. Simply running it through Google translate and a spell-checker is not enough.
- sj
Last edited:
L7Bear
Well-Known Member
- May 29, 2017
- 1,154
- 1,862
Interesting game. Looking forward to more.
There is a common mistake using Vaccine and Antidote interchangeably. They aren't interchangeable.
For the purposes of this game, Antidote is the correct word.
Let's see if I understand the story so far:
There is a common mistake using Vaccine and Antidote interchangeably. They aren't interchangeable.
For the purposes of this game, Antidote is the correct word.
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Let's see if I understand the story so far:
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Alright, I'll throw some feedback on this, I hope it's welcome. Renders are quite good, the models are fantastic and the situations quite sexy.
The issue here seems to be the story, while the premise is actually quite good, the execution seems flawed.
The MC gets betrayed, is poisoned with potentially lethal outcome, unless she allows herself to be raped, everyday for 2 weeks by three men that now treat her like garbage.
Despite this, she continues to talk to casually them, sits at the breakfast table, greets them, goes dancing with them to have fun, teases them... I'd expect a reaction order of magnitude larger, trying to run away, trying to contact someone from the outside, stab her captors in the neck? Anything! And the captors aren't worried that she will say anything or go to the police after those 2 weeks because it will hurt her image?? It doesn't make any sense. There's no normal reactions that any human being would have towards the situation.
She just doesn't seem to be resisting this at all. Just seems like a minor annoyance that all her friends betrayed her, poisoned her, and now get to cruelly rape her if she wants to live.
I really recommend tweaking the story a little to make the characters seem a little more human in their reactions, especially the MC. If that happens I can see this being good, the render quality is there, the premise is there, everything else is fantastic.
The issue here seems to be the story, while the premise is actually quite good, the execution seems flawed.
The MC gets betrayed, is poisoned with potentially lethal outcome, unless she allows herself to be raped, everyday for 2 weeks by three men that now treat her like garbage.
Despite this, she continues to talk to casually them, sits at the breakfast table, greets them, goes dancing with them to have fun, teases them... I'd expect a reaction order of magnitude larger, trying to run away, trying to contact someone from the outside, stab her captors in the neck? Anything! And the captors aren't worried that she will say anything or go to the police after those 2 weeks because it will hurt her image?? It doesn't make any sense. There's no normal reactions that any human being would have towards the situation.
She just doesn't seem to be resisting this at all. Just seems like a minor annoyance that all her friends betrayed her, poisoned her, and now get to cruelly rape her if she wants to live.
I really recommend tweaking the story a little to make the characters seem a little more human in their reactions, especially the MC. If that happens I can see this being good, the render quality is there, the premise is there, everything else is fantastic.
Last edited:
Joe Steel
Engaged Member
- Jan 10, 2018
- 2,512
- 3,446
I agree that the story needs some major tweaks before the audience can suspend disbelief.
First of all, no one seems to have any logical motives for what they are doing. Greedy due might be greedy, but administering a lethal poison and hoping the antidote works (else going to jail for life for first-degree murder) isn't a convincing motive.
The secret to improving the game, IMO, is to make the poison non-lethal. The poison could have three effects:
1. It vastly increases the MC's libido, to the point that she is desperate for sex after a day or so;
2. It reduces her willpower permanently
3. It makes her much more susceptible to conditioning (so that major conditioning effects can take place within the time frame the game allows).
So, if the MC doesn't get the antidote (administered as it is now in the game), she will suffer loss of willpower and such a craving for sex that she will soon accept sexual advances or even make them. By the end of two weeks she will be a fully-conditioned bimbo slut, so sex-starved that she will have to become a prostitute to get the amount of sex she needs.
If the MC gets three doses of antidote, she will not suffer the harmful effects of the poison, but the acts she will need to carry out to get the doses will be conditioning her to be submissive. By the end of the two weeks she will be a fully submissive slave girl. If she gets one or two doses of the antidote she will suffer some of the harmful effects and lose some willpower and acquire some sex craving, but not nearly as much as with no antidote. But, she will have some degree of conditioned submissiveness as well.
The game then becomes having the MC successfully balance acts that increase submissiveness with ones that reduce willpower. The player wins if the MC avoids both bad ends.
None of this would require changing any of the graphics, just the script.
All of this is offered in the spirit of helpful suggestion, and feel free to use some, all, or none of it as your concept of the game dictates.
First of all, no one seems to have any logical motives for what they are doing. Greedy due might be greedy, but administering a lethal poison and hoping the antidote works (else going to jail for life for first-degree murder) isn't a convincing motive.
The secret to improving the game, IMO, is to make the poison non-lethal. The poison could have three effects:
1. It vastly increases the MC's libido, to the point that she is desperate for sex after a day or so;
2. It reduces her willpower permanently
3. It makes her much more susceptible to conditioning (so that major conditioning effects can take place within the time frame the game allows).
So, if the MC doesn't get the antidote (administered as it is now in the game), she will suffer loss of willpower and such a craving for sex that she will soon accept sexual advances or even make them. By the end of two weeks she will be a fully-conditioned bimbo slut, so sex-starved that she will have to become a prostitute to get the amount of sex she needs.
If the MC gets three doses of antidote, she will not suffer the harmful effects of the poison, but the acts she will need to carry out to get the doses will be conditioning her to be submissive. By the end of the two weeks she will be a fully submissive slave girl. If she gets one or two doses of the antidote she will suffer some of the harmful effects and lose some willpower and acquire some sex craving, but not nearly as much as with no antidote. But, she will have some degree of conditioned submissiveness as well.
The game then becomes having the MC successfully balance acts that increase submissiveness with ones that reduce willpower. The player wins if the MC avoids both bad ends.
None of this would require changing any of the graphics, just the script.
All of this is offered in the spirit of helpful suggestion, and feel free to use some, all, or none of it as your concept of the game dictates.