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VN Ren'Py Abandoned The Bodyguard [v1.00 - Ch.01-03] [Short Lemonade]

3.30 star(s) 3 Votes

ELev8

Newbie
Feb 13, 2022
42
128
Too bad the main character is so old :cautious:, I have nothing against old people but there he is balding, in general we do not put elderly people in MC or rarely in sexuel games. I wonder what all these women find in him other than a body that's attrative to him. He still has something for him this man. :sneaky:
I have not tried to play it yet, I only basing myself on the leaked images of the game to write my comment. ;)
At first glance the game looks very good, it's just the MC that wrong for the reasons I just mentioned.
I still wish you good luck for your game (but if you could change the MC's physique that would be great :D). (y)
Just because its bald or old doesn't mean its not a good story or plot. You have probably tested some games where MC is always on college 18+ with its peak of having sexual affairs to like everyone. Everyone has its own taste when it comes to MC, just because he is old doesn't mean he can't beat his meat to some girls :ROFLMAO:
 
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operamini

Member
Sep 2, 2019
222
358
I'm not sure you are aware but Surname is the family name or Last name. Name is first name.
In your naming convention you ask for the Surname first then Name, but then subsequently the game shows the Surname option as the MC first name.
So it lends a bit of confusion easily resolved by the player but still just fyi

also another small fyi when you visualize the word first as you have it is 1st not 1rst as you have it
so it would be 1st 2nd 3rd since you plan to have 3 chapters
It could simply be the use only my surname because of respect thing, but with much of the script the Engrish is strong in this one.
The art and story seem good though.
 

Ottoeight

Forum Fanatic
Mar 13, 2021
5,310
9,419
Just as I pointed out to the Guy who wrote "omerta" instead of "omertà":

what the damn fuck is "Marcchesi" and "Sangrethina"? :ROFLMAO:

Anyway, if you call someone "Sangretina", you might call her "Xyzzy" or "Qwertyiuop" as well - that's the same thing.


Anyway, what is a "short lemonade"? una limonata corta!?! why is it short?
 
Aug 2, 2022
18
134
Is there a harem path? Will there be ntr/sharing? Pregnancy? Oh and also
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harem is not in my plans at the moment. Neither is Pregnancy. At least not in The Bodyguard 1.

Wow! :love:
I didn't finish, just a few minutes of play, but the images, I would even say the photos, the framing, the lights... And then the writing, the style . (y)
I don't know where the story is going, nor what the porn side is worth, but the artistic side, wow! I really think there is talent.
I hope I won't be disappointed later on...
You won't be disappointed! COPY!?!

Oh ok. At the very least it would seem you have most if not all of it planed out. Best wishes.
Chapter 2 is fully planned. Chapter 3 is still in progress. But I can say that there will be more than 1000 images.

I appreciate you finding time to reply to me. I am very optimistic about this game (though have not tried it yet. But the renders seriously look very promising). To be honest with you, (no oofence intended but) whenever I hear or see any game about bodyguards it takes me back to chatterbox and his game.... It was really good. I know it is bad to compare one vn/game with another but I cannot help it. I am hopeful yours will go beyond that game in terms of fame and popularity. Lastly, again GOOD LUCK with your project. Sorry to mention another creator or game in this thread. Please excuse my lack of discipline in the matter. I deeply apologise if my comment hurt anyone, as it was unintended:cry::cry:
I didn't know Chatterbox but don't worry about it. I try to do the best I can but I don't pretend to be the best VN of F95

Too bad the main character is so old :cautious:, I have nothing against old people but there he is balding, in general we do not put elderly people in MC or rarely in sexuel games. I wonder what all these women find in him other than a body that's attrative to him. He still has something for him this man. :sneaky:
I have not tried to play it yet, I only basing myself on the leaked images of the game to write my comment. ;)
At first glance the game looks very good, it's just the MC that wrong for the reasons I just mentioned.
I still wish you good luck for your game (but if you could change the MC's physique that would be great :D). (y)
As mentioned below, I can't stand 16 year old main characters with a past inversely proportional to the size of their cock. Having an MC like this allows you to develop a stronger story around.


2 small remarks:
- Why an American flag in the office of the director of an Italian university?
- In the same office: I thought tape recorders had disappeared years ago...not that it really shocks me, it reminds me of my youth. It even looks like a Nagra I once had...

Otherwise, yes, after having the end of this version, I confirm, it's really a good job! (y)
Uh... it's... because she's a Trump fan... (nah sorry it's just a fucking oversight on the asset)

Anyway, what is a "short lemonade"? una limonata corta!?! why is it short?
Don't abuse lemonade... Never
 

MD27

Member
Feb 28, 2020
286
354
Named the MC Giorgio Chiellini, also are the name and surname inverted, didn't get that clear.

(enters school):
Yeah, it hurts to say, but I want you to stay

Sometimes

Sometimes
 

bosp

Active Member
Jan 3, 2018
647
1,316
First, the good: visuals are really done well and the story is interesting.

Now the bad:
a) consistency - Italian city and settings full of Russian names and an American flag proudly sitting in an Italian Catholic school... dude...
b) dialogues might make sense in Italian but it looks like they were MTL to English - like this the English translation is a complete clusterfuck.
 

Moosica

Active Member
Dec 7, 2021
695
607
Just because its bald or old doesn't mean its not a good story or plot. You have probably tested some games where MC is always on college 18+ with its peak of having sexual affairs to like everyone. Everyone has its own taste when it comes to MC, just because he is old doesn't mean he can't beat his meat to some girls :ROFLMAO:
I just said the MC was too old. A 40-year-old MC would be better.
I never criticized the story or the plot. I haven't even played it yet. :cautious:
 
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Ghost''

Well-Known Member
Mar 17, 2021
1,522
3,592
The bodyguard [v1.00 - Chp.01/03] Compressed PC

Orginal Size: 1gb.

Compressed Size: 116mb.

Download -

You can join my discord server for more and support me.



Yo! Can you buy me a coffee for support me? Tnxx.

 

Ghost''

Well-Known Member
Mar 17, 2021
1,522
3,592
The bodyguard [v1.00 - Chp.01/03] Unofficial Android Port

There is no textbox in my ports, so enjoy the game. My ports now have alternate save file, even if you uninstall the game your files will be safe in "Storage<Documents<RenPy_Saves" folder.


- 122mb.


You can also join my discord server for more ports and support me.





Yo! Can you buy me a coffee for support me? Tnxx.

 

"CJ"

Conversation Conqueror
Mar 6, 2021
6,629
70,243
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The Bodyguard [v1.00] [Short Lemonade] crunched

Original / Compressed Size PC*: 1011 MB / 164 MB - THEBODYGUARD-V1.00-pc-crunched.zip
Original / Compressed Size Mac: xxx MB / 149 MB - THEBODYGUARD-V1.00-mac-crunched.zip
= ~16,2% of the original size, image/video quality 90%/90%


Download (PC*/Mac): -

(y) My compressious likeses! (y) Give them to us you filthy little pervertses! :p

This compression is unofficial and untested, use it at your own risk.
The compressing process reduces the quality and can break the game.

*PC = Win+Linux

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Last edited:

Boogie

Active Member
Aug 7, 2017
900
1,454
Excellent start! I have enjoyed what you have done very much.

You could use a good copy editor to correct some odd dialogue flow and word choices, but otherwise it is pretty well written.

Looking forward to more.
 
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The Rogue Trader

Active Member
Sep 12, 2021
510
756
They're not Italian surnames ... but I don't really give a shit, just to be precise.
Sì: not only those surnames do not exist in the wild, but they are also near impossible to pronounce.
They probably are the result of a mistake by the registration officer, when they immigrated to the US.

This said, the visuals of this game are stunning and the older (but still badass) MC a breath of fresh air in the over-cliched AVN landscape.
Wind in our sails, dev!
 

Aristos

Forum Fanatic
Dec 28, 2017
5,394
16,189
FESSES UNITED is my favourite production company!
This got to be good! :Kappa:

Regarding the Marcchesi typo, real story: I know someone in my town whose family name is Vaso (meaning "glass" in Spanish). Her grandfather's name was actually Basso, he was Italian but he moved here and the registration official fucked it up :KEK:
 
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kuraiken

Member
Dec 5, 2017
362
965
Game looks promising, but there's a lot of writing issues. Idioms that don't fit, sentences that sound weird and a strange dialogue flow.

To give one example:
Jack: "If you get me a blanket, I'll marry you."
Ann: "Promises... I hope you end up better than my late husband. I find you this."

This is both a weird dialogue flow, as well as a weird way of saying she'll get the blanket.

It seems more logical that you'd do a different beat stucture: Emotional Response. Address of Issue. Conclusion of Interaction.

"Promises... I'll see what I can do. I hope you end up better than my late husband."
To give an explanation on why this is better:

Emotional beat: Sense of longing - she's left without her husband and the idea of being married, having someone close to her, is appealing. But underneath it all is the sentiment that those promises are rarely ever kept.

Address of Issue: She redirects to the actual request he made and addresses it. This one is noncomittal instead of comitted, because a comitted response speaks to some prior impulse that creates a need. (e.g. He needs to have a blanket because it's a cold winter or he has issues sleeping at night without blanket, so having one is vitally important.)

Conclusion of Interaction: The interaction ends on the beat that he's made a favorable enough impression that she hopes he'll find a better end than her husband. This serves as a kind of review of their interaction. By having it end on that beat, you're leaving on the idea of "her positive feelings after their interaction" rather than "her plan to get him a blanket". The former is clearly more relevant for the reader, so it deserves more focus.

My suggestion: Get yourself beta readers or an editor (via recruitment board on the forum) who have a good idea of how to cut dialogue & a more natural understanding of how to convey the text. (You can use my example above as some guideline of what they should be able to offer you.)

Your game is not so much fetish based but seems to have a strong narrative focus & a story to tell. That means the quality of the writing is going to matter a lot more than in some fetish game that seeks to play to a niche audience.

Looking forward to what comes of your game, I wish for your success.
 
3.30 star(s) 3 Votes