VN Ren'Py The Grey Dream [Ep. 5 - Steam Halloween Side Story] [TheGreys]

[Mantioxi]

Character arcs are thrown out of the window. Conversation all over the place now. Awkward pauses everywhere.

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[Prosper]

why is the mc so fucking ugly lmao little sissy lookin ah

 

[Cabin Fever]

Mm NO, story isn't atrocious, writing is...and that's what I said. Story is avg at best but definitely not the worst I've seen.

You are correct. I should have said writing instead of story.

I'm working on the rendering and some aspects of the story for our game, but I'm not involved in the writing process. I have a question for you. Please don't take this the wrong way—I don't believe our game is outstanding. However, when you mention that the writing needs improvement, it would be incredibly helpful if you could provide us with 3-4 specific examples. This way, we can better understand what you're referring to and make the necessary adjustments. As it stands, I’m struggling to grasp exactly what you mean when you say the writing is bad.

I know you are not asking me, but what I find particularly weak, is that dev will spend the time creating multiple unnecessary renders showing someone literally just walking away, while at other points doing nothing (not even a black screen with some text) to denote the passage of time, e.g. at the club with Jamie. It feels like they just sit down with Jamie and more or less by magic immediately gets super friendly and drunk after talking for less than a minute.

 

[Nikephorus]

Character arcs are thrown out of the window. Conversation all over the place now. Awkward pauses everywhere.

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I also found that entire interaction weird. They hang out earlier in the game a few times and seem to just be good friends. Kelly doesn't seem all that interested in the MC beyond that. Then he shows up at her apartment drunk and she's like: "Oh yeah fuck me now!"

 

[Cabin Fever]

I also found that entire interaction weird. They hang out earlier in the game a few times and seem to just be good friends. Kelly doesn't seem all that interested in the MC beyond that. Then he shows up at her apartment drunk and she's like: "Oh yeah fuck me now!"

It was fairly obvious to me that Kelly (and not just her) has a long time crush on MC but I suppose it could be interpreted differently.

 

[rannmiumec]

I think Kelly's crush on MC is very obvious from the very beginning, just by the way in which she wants to give the MC a good luck kiss before the interview or how much she wants the MC to compliment her when her and Lily are trying new clothes.

The sex scene is abrupt sure, but that Kelly was already into MC seems quite obvious to me.

 

[Dessolos]

I'm working on the rendering and some aspects of the story for our game, but I'm not involved in the writing process. I have a question for you. Please don't take this the wrong way—I don't believe our game is outstanding. However, when you mention that the writing needs improvement, it would be incredibly helpful if you could provide us with 3-4 specific examples. This way, we can better understand what you're referring to and make the necessary adjustments. As it stands, I’m struggling to grasp exactly what you mean when you say the writing is bad.

For me the story is okay enough and passable I don't got any real issues with the writing there ( tho I'm the last person to critque writing as I have a hard time noticing bad vs good writing as I play these games).

I have yet to play the update

I could be wrong and simply need to do a replay but one thing I always thought was this game is a bit to focused on the plot and never felt like we get enough time to get any real character deveolopment with some of these characters , Especially Helen and Hayley ( think that's their names the 2 sisters) Some like Kelly feel like they are pushed to the side. Last I played I felt like I barley know anything about any of these characters which is a weird feeling to have when at the time there was 4 updates and not like the updates were short.

 

[deadh30775n]

I'm working on the rendering and some aspects of the story for our game,

Let's talk about story first. You see story is all over the place. Our protagonist graduates college as a lawyer(who graduates college as a lawyer? lol), and instead of getting a job at a law firm, like most lawyers do, he gets a job at a random ass big company. The work turns out to be entirely unrelated to his background, and is offcourse not so simple for a newbie.

Then after a while the guy plays superman by entering a house with 15+ guards knocks one out to save a girl that has been kidnapped and runs away with her, it just dosent make sense. Where were the other guards and why did he actually do it? He's a newbie lawyer for fs and it's not like Lisa was family or friend to risk his life.

Don't get me started on the h scenes. Literally every sex scenes we have is with random girls we meet in pub or gym and what little content we get from the main li's comes out of nowhere without any character progression. Just see the Kelly sex scene. We didn't knew anything about how they were feeling with each other and all of a sudden they started having sex in the guise of being drunk. Mind you they only had a kiss in the cheek before. It's like the dev is including unnecessary sex scenes here just for not blueballing the fans. Also how the hell did he not knew that Helen is the daughter of his boss when they were dating.

When it comes to the girls/LIs they are just boring, they all have the same facial features lacking emotions making them bland. It also dosent help that they all have the save build as big titted bimbos. I'm yet to see one girl who has small tits.

However, when you mention that the writing needs improvement, it would be incredibly helpful if you could provide us with 3-4 specific examples

First of all the writing on the h scenes is a disaster. I found myself skipping those scenes instead of taking my d out because it was so bland and boring (also the random girls and sudden scenes with main li's didn't help). Sex talk is something you guys need to work on.

I got the feeling that dialogues between people in this game ends abruptly out of nowhere. The scenes change out of nowhere.

Most of the time It felt like I'm talking to a bots who speak broken english.

All in all I found this game boring after the starting episodes. I found myself rushing to complete the game just so I can move on to the next game. The renders and animations are good but that's it.

 

[kagancy]

Let's talk about story first. You see story is all over the place. Our protagonist graduates college as a lawyer(who graduates college as a lawyer? lol), and instead of getting a job at a law firm, like most lawyers do, he gets a job at a random ass big company. The work turns out to be entirely unrelated to his background, and is offcourse not so simple for a newbie.

Then after a while the guy plays superman by entering a house with 15+ guards knocks one out to save a girl that has been kidnapped and runs away with her, it just dosent make sense. Where were the other guards and why did he actually do it? He's a newbie lawyer for fs and it's not like Lisa was family or friend to risk his life.

Don't get me started on the h scenes. Literally every sex scenes we have is with random girls we meet in pub or gym and what little content we get from the main li's comes out of nowhere without any character progression. Just see the Kelly sex scene. We didn't knew anything about how they were feeling with each other and all of a sudden they started having sex in the guise of being drunk. Mind you they only had a kiss in the cheek before. It's like the dev is including unnecessary sex scenes here just for not blueballing the fans. Also how the hell did he not knew that Helen is the daughter of his boss when they were dating.

When it comes to the girls/LIs they are just boring, they all have the same facial features lacking emotions making them bland. It also dosent help that they all have the save build as big titted bimbos. I'm yet to see one girl who has small tits.


First of all the writing on the h scenes is a disaster. I found myself skipping those scenes instead of taking my d out because it was so bland and boring (also the random girls and sudden scenes with main li's didn't help). Sex talk is something you guys need to work on.

I got the feeling that dialogues between people in this game ends abruptly out of nowhere. The scenes change out of nowhere.

Most of the time It felt like I'm talking to a bots who speak broken english.

All in all I found this game boring after the starting episodes. I found myself rushing to complete the game just so I can move on to the next game. The renders and animations are good but that's it.

The reason the mc got a job at that company is different, and it will be explained in the future—I don't want to spoil it now.

You are right about the sex scenes, but Kelly already had some feelings for the mc.

And why would the mc be interested in whose daughter Helen was when he was dating her? He only knew she was the daughter of someone rich.

 

[Justaphase]

My biggest issue with the Kelly lewd scene was how he straight up left without saying a word after. I really like Kelly, she is one of my favourites and at that moment I honestly had to close the game. It was clear to me also that she has feelings for him, hell she even tells him she loves him during their lewd scene (for the MC to say nothing) I felt so bad for Kelly after, the MC is an idiot honestly. Even if he isn't interested in a relationship with her, she is supposed to be one of his best friends so why treat her like she is some one night stand/hook up that he is ashamed of?

 

[deadh30775n]

It was fairly obvious to me that Kelly (and not just her) has a long time crush on MC but I suppose it could be interpreted differently.

Mm who are others do you feel has a crush on MC? Helen...bar owner friend...?

 

[deadh30775n]

My biggest issue with the Kelly lewd scene was how he straight up left without saying a word after. I really like Kelly, she is one of my favourites and at that moment I honestly had to close the game. It was clear to me also that she has feelings for him, hell she even tells him she loves him during their lewd scene (for the MC to say nothing) I felt so bad for Kelly after, the MC is an idiot honestly. Even if he isn't interested in a relationship with her, she is supposed to be one of his best friends so why treat her like she is some one night stand/hook up that he is ashamed of?

Are you saying him straight up leaving in the morning is worse than her taking advantage of him during his drunk state?

 

[Justaphase]

Are you saying him straight up leaving in the morning is worse than her taking advantage of him during his drunk state?

Yes. He was sober enough to perform and know what he was doing, he was also sober in the morning when he left. Kelly deserves better.

 

[deadh30775n]

You are right about the sex scenes, but Kelly already had some feelings for the mc.

Mm that may be right but you gotta say it was way too sudden for something like that to happen. No kiss, no bj or hj...nothing before the main act. It was way too fast. Not to mention she put her moves on him when he was completely wasted.

And why would the mc be interested in whose daughter Helen was when he was dating her? He only knew she was the daughter of someone rich.

I don't know man, I think this kind of thing one will know at the first day at college...either from random people, friends or from Helen herself

 

[deadh30775n]

Yes. He was sober enough to perform and know what he was doing, he was also sober in the morning when he left. Kelly deserves better.

I don't think the guy would have done that while being sober because you know she was the only one who had feelings not him. Or maybe he's a piece of shit which frankly is not the way he's portrayed in the story.

 

[Justaphase]

I don't think the guy would have done that while being sober because you know she was the only one who had feelings not him. Or maybe he's a piece of shit which frankly is not the way he's portrayed in the story.

The main issue I have is that I like Kelly, like I said she is one of my favourite's in the game. Player choice should be important and one of the most important choices in an AVN is who the player likes and wants to pursue.

 

[rannmiumec]

The main issue I have is that I like Kelly, like I said she is one of my favourite's in the game. Player choice should be important and one of the most important choices in an AVN is who the player likes and wants to pursue.

I'm sure I'm misunderstanding something, but you can choose if you want to have sex with Kelly or not. You can choose to not go to her house and even there you can choose not having sex.

 

[lukas7533]

So I barely got to finish chapter 5, this game desperately needs a capable writer. What is there is good, dont get me wrong, but dialogue is extremely boring, characters are at best one dimensional, story nearly non-existent. I barely remember what happened and I finished it like 30 minutes ago.
Renders are amazing though, girls are incredibly good looking, I cant say anything bad about that. But if this project wants to be more than just pretty renders it needs to improve in writing department. Seriously I was at a point where I was wondering if I should just skip most of it, to get some sex scenes, and that literally almost never happens to me with avns lol.

 

[Justaphase]

I'm sure I'm misunderstanding something, but you can choose if you want to have sex with Kelly or not. You can choose to not go to her house and even there you can choose not having sex.

So you're telling me I have the choice to NOT have a lewd scene with the LI that I like and want the MC to be with? Great solution.

 

[rannmiumec]

So you're telling me I have the choice to NOT have a lewd scene with the LI that I like and want the MC to be with? Great solution.

Then the problem is not the lack of choice, but rather that you have to choose between a disappointing scene and no scene at all, and that's a whole other issue.