- Jun 6, 2017
- 595
- 3,199
A slow burn is not a bad thing. The chapters are short, so it'd be hard to add a throwaway character or two to blast sexual content at people. But compromising a character to pander to the horny sex goblins feels cheap to me. That's my opinion, take it how you want. As for UI, renpy is very simple, if you just modify the images in the gui folder, it can be that simple. But renpy screen language is almost as simple. You declare the element you want to show i.e. vbox, frame, imagebutton, then below it you give the properties like size, alignment etc, then you put any children you want inside of it repeating the process. There's a billion tutorials online, there's the tutorial built into the launcher, and the renpy discord, in multiple languages, will always try to help out.Hello! Thank you for the kind words!
The UI is one of the things in my current to-do list ATM. I'm still new to coding therefore I'm still getting my head around how to make it more interesting. I already have a solid idea of what aesthetics I want for the UI, I just need to learn the technical know-how to make it happen lol.
Jax's eagerness is actually one of the major things I've debated myself over. On one hand, the writer in me wants the first time with her to be more "built-up" and "teased-in" to make it more special. I want the story to carry the adult aspects of the game and not the other way around. I want the first time to be a big reward after a few chapters to give the act with Jax more weight; on the other hand, IF I did that... I would be limiting the game to just having foreplay for a few chapters. It would also force me to set a precedent for other characters to have their first to be the same as Jax's. Therefore limiting the "fun bits" of an adult game. Since I don't want the game to be too much of a slow-burner and exhaust the players (this is a porn game after all)... I decided to compromise and have the sex scene now to give myself the freedom to make more sex scenes per chapter, while also shifting the "building-up" to other parts of the story. Mainly on what you found weird, which was the "good intuition" part of the story. Without going into too much detail, Jax's intuition is a part of the world's many mysteries that will be, and is, a major part of the story. It is a major plot point and will be explained in later chapters. I intentionally made Chapter 3 full of red herrings and curveballs to specifically "build up" Jax's mysterious intuition precisely because I want it to be highlighted. More will be revealed about it in the next chapters so stay tuned!
As for the proofreading, misspellings, missing words, and other odd things... I am using a program that automatically detects such things to help me as I am not a native English speaker. I run the story's script twice on both Google Docs and the said program to check for spelling and grammar errors, before putting it into the game. Therefore I'm a bit surprised and quite concerned that you've found errors that both Google Docs and that program didn't find. Can I ask where those errors may be? I'll fix it right away with a patch. Thanks in advance! I'm a one-man team, so having other people help me with these kinds of stuff is extremely helpful!
As for the script, google and whatever other app you used will NEVER catch everything. ESPECIALLY if, not only are you translating to English, but Irish(?) and Scottish accents/ways or speaking. They understand proper grammar and that's really about it. Off hand, as I don't have the game on my computer anymore, a lot of the time 'I' wasn't capitalized. Which I know is a little thing, but it's just how it's supposed to be and happens a few times. I believe that more than a few times Jax has lines missing words or using the wrong tense, especially in reaction to something. But again, I don't remember right away as it's not in front of me.
I know I'm nitpicky and harsh on this site, but your story, so far, isn't one of three boilerplate shit stories about how MC returns home after X years to fuck his sister. And there's some world building, a little mystery, and so far, decent characters. It's also not just robotic pleasantries translated as poorly as possible. I look forward to the next release. Please don't fuck this up lol.
- Jun 25, 2022
- 710
- 1,666
I like the game so far, but the cutscene stuff is more annoying than anything. If it was pure animations then ya I can see making people sit through the entire thing but when it's just a slideshow with text like any other render then it feels like it would work better if you could just spacebar through it.
Every bit of feedback is great, so no worries! I don't see your words as harsh, it's attentive. Therefore thank you for pointing things out! It helps greatly!
The UI is definitely one of the priorities I have ATM. That and the CODEX and Gallery that I want to also add. All of which has something to do with the same under-the-hood stuff. And since the three of those 'basically' work together, I thought of making/adding those three at the same time/in the same release. Therefore, unfortunately, until I get my head around how to make the CODEX and Gallery, the UI will have to wait for a little bit haha
As for the script, I think I know what you're talking about. I know that the Prologue and Chapter 1 have a lot of 'I's that weren't capitalized since I've only started using the program I mentioned during Chapter 2's development (BTW the program is called 'Grammarly'). In fact, the reason why I started using the program in the first place was because one of the guys here pointed out the errors I made when v0.01 was released. Although most grammatical errors, and by that I mean the most obvious ones, were fixed... some minor ones like capitalizations, incorrect tenses, and other stuff were missed. I will review the Prologue and Chapter 1 for errors and try to fix everything for the next release.
Once again, thanks for the feedback! It's really helpful since I'm a one-man team that makes this game in my free time while/after work I tend to miss stuff and forget things, therefore it's great to have honest feedback!
Hi! and thanks for playing! I'm glad you're liking the game so far!
You could spacebar through every cutscene in the game! Nothing is stopping you from spamming the spacebar to skip every cutscene. I only encouraged the players to not skip or touch anything during the cutscenes mainly because I placed timers on cutscenes to sync and time them with the music playing during the sequence. So far, there's only one cutscene sequence with dialogue in it, and it's the one where Jax is introducing the city to the MC. The rest of the cutscenes that follow so far are just slideshows and animations.
- Jun 25, 2022
- 710
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Yeah, sorry if it came across as harsh with what I said. I read fast so I found myself waiting for the next render during the one with spoken dialog in it as well but couldn't progress it without skipping it all. I understand the other ones are more for setting tone, which is nice.Hi! and thanks for playing! I'm glad you're liking the game so far!
You could spacebar through every cutscene in the game! Nothing is stopping you from spamming the spacebar to skip every cutscene. I only encouraged the players to not skip or touch anything during the cutscenes mainly because I placed timers on cutscenes to sync and time them with the music playing during the sequence. So far, there's only one cutscene sequence with dialogue in it, and it's the one where Jax is introducing the city to the MC. The rest of the cutscenes that follow so far are just slideshows and animations.
- Jun 27, 2017
- 480
- 2,741
I'm still playing the new content, but I want to second this. Make the game you want to make, not a game that sacrifices parts of itself to appeal to the aforementioned horny sex goblins. Not to say you are doing this, but if you started to rush characters/relationship development purely because you feel obligated to given that this is a lewd game, I would enjoy this less. Lewd games are fun to me because they can be a nice blend of both, and good writing (with build up and such) elevates those lewd scenes to higher levels.
Not to lecture you or anything, just my two cents as an avid AVN enjoyer for years now. I'm about to delve into the rest of the last two updates now, and am excited to do so.
- Jun 27, 2017
- 480
- 2,741
- Jun 25, 2022
- 710
- 1,666
I'll 3rd this sentiment. I'm of the group that if you're trying to tell a story with your game it's perfectly fine to have characters not jumping in to bed right away. It helps characters have more depth and feel a tad more realistic, assuming this is the type of game you're going for. Harder to do if your plan for the game may have been to have 12+ LI or something haha.
The interactions with Jax have been fine so far given their personality to a degree. But if say the doctor were to do the same it would feel off, given how they've been presented thus far.
I look forward to future updates.
Thank you for the honest and insightful feedback! Honestly, every point you made was exactly the counterargument I had when I was debating this with myself. The original plan for the last adult scene in v0.03 was actually just dry humping and then some "outercourse grinding"; the first scene of that planned sequence, the dry humping one, remained and was left in but the rest was scrapped in favor of an "intercourse" finish. I opted for this compromise direction mainly to give more 'weight' to the aforementioned plot point regarding Jax's 'intuition'. I chose to compromise on the sex department to give more weight to the plot department
. I know that doesn't make any sense, and I apologize, but it's hard to go into detail without dropping some major spoilers. I also know that by being a cop-out and saying "it's all part of the story, maaaaan" drives me into a corner and might inadvertently raise your expectations, and by extension also raise the chances of your disappointments, but... Chapter 3's main purpose is to build up the characters with the MC and introduce their "importance" to the story, and Jax's "importance" is her intuition. Therefore I made sure to make it the main hook for Chapter 3 to build interest and intrigue. And the fact that you guys have already strong feelings about it, I'm pretty giddy and glad that it achieved that lol. Although I cannot say a lot of things about it... More will be revealed in the upcoming chapters!After saying all of that, there's also another reason why I chose to have the sex scene now rather than later, and that is "my creativity" lol. And by that I mean I want to spread my wings and create more and animate stuff. By doing the sex scene now means I can open the gates and have more options for future updates. I'm going to be honest and say I've played a lot of AVN, like "a lot" a lot; and in my opinion, know how limited/repetitive some of the sex/acts/poses are. Therefore I reeeeeaaaaally want to make something new and exciting to show my fellow AVN gamers out there
. The hand-holding sex in Chapter 3 is one example of that "new thing" I want to show and explore. My creativity side is itching to animate and go to places other AVN games out there haven't explored yet, and by opening the 'floodgates' that was Jax's first time... I now have access and free reign to do just that for future releases! I want to animate more and make them do more cute/sexy bits, damnit! lol.With those out of the box, I will say this... although I chose to compromise with the sex scene, I will not compromise with the story. I have a pretty clear vision of the direction I want the story to have and despite my disposition of wanting to animate more stuff, I know the importance of a good synergy between an interesting plot and an exciting sexy scene. Your words do not fall on deaf ears. I will try my utmost best to meet your expectations and not disappoint you. This game is a passion project and the more honest and insightful feedback I get like yours, the more I strive to make it better. Thank you!
I intentionally made Ann, the doctor, that way for a reason. So she's gonna be a tougher nut to crack than Jax, that's for sure lol.
- Oct 28, 2018
- 1,520
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i see this isnt tagged as a VN but it also doesnt have the sandbox tag, does it have sandbox or is it a vn? how would you discrib the gameplay
It's definitely a VN. I placed VN there and the tag was present at the beginning when I initially posted the OP. I think it got removed (by mistake?) by one of the mods when I updated to v0.02. I'm not entirely sure. But yeah, it's an interactive VN; not a kinetic one or a sandbox one. You are presented with major choices along the story that set you towards a path of your choosing, as well as minor choices that build up how you want the MC to grow.
Thank you for the kind words! I'm glad you enjoyed playing!
But it would be best if you spoke in English in here or else the moderators will bonk you lol
Google Translate:
ขอบคุณสำหรับคำพูดดีๆ! ฉันดีใจที่คุณสนุกกับการเล่น!
แต่จะเป็นการดีที่สุดถ้าคุณพูดภาษาอังกฤษที่นี่ ไม่เช่นนั้นผู้ดูแลจะตีคุณ 555
Oh, I copied the wrong message. Actually, I wrote in English but it seems like I copied the wrong message and didn't check it, haha.
- Mar 14, 2021
- 4
- 1
This is actually the first game that made me want to post a review, only to realize I can't - guess no posts will do that.
If I could it would be a VERY easy five stars. Congratulations Sir.
I decided during chapter 1 that I had to write a review and was pondering how to give nitpicking suggestions without sounding like an ass after praising the game. And then going on chapter 2 and then 3, most of them besides some weird grammar had already been taken care of.
Example:
Chapter 1: During breakfast with Jax, I never knew when I should wait to see a mini animation or the auto 'step' in the dialogue. That led to a lot of single slide rollbacks to catch up on what I missed and messed up the otherwise perfect pacing. I had to comment on that, although since I haven't used Ren'Py I had no solutions to offer that would still include the life the mini animations brought in. Made me wish for an auto play button so I could sit back and watch it like it was on tv.
Chapter 3: The scene with Ann, Jax and Aeon... perfection. Animations play as the chat progresses, changing depending on the tone. Text doesn't 'step' but slowly appear. It just feels so... alive. It's perfect.
The pacing is great, the characters are VERY well written, and the prose, the way the text and conversations flow is amazing. Aeon is written PERFECTLY. The way he speaks, thinks and acts are befit of an ancient being of wisdom, and not as is usually the case a 16 year old boy. And at the same time offering the chances for hilarious confrontations.
The way your skills in Ren'Py and Koikatsu are progressing, I would strongly suggest redoing at least parts of the intro, since it sells the game REALLY short, and are in no way representative of what follows. The way you've discovered to play with expressions conveying emotion makes the first part feel like it was ripped from another game, the difference is that stark. The shooting angles, that by chapter 3 are amazing, also feel flat. Even the models of the party don't do it justice. And since everyone wants to fuck the dragon, a few more shots of the Primordial wouldn't be amiss.
Yes, I know, going back and fixing things takes time that would be better suited to moving the story forward, we always learn and want to fix things and it can lead to an endless loop and freeze the game's progression. Still in this case I think it would be worth it, no matter how eager I am to see what happens next and something like that would bring a delay.
Thank you for this, Primordial has been a breath of fresh air, very well written, wholesome, intriguing, fun, with great atmospheric and sex animations especially as the chapters go by.
P.S. A few more background traffic car models wouldn't be a bad idea, especially if you can find them cell-shaded. I am almost sure whoever is driving that white FC RX-7 is following Aeon.
PS.2: Soaps have 'scents' not 'flavors', since you are not supposed to taste them, but smell them. Unless you've been bad in the 40's.
If I could it would be a VERY easy five stars. Congratulations Sir.
I decided during chapter 1 that I had to write a review and was pondering how to give nitpicking suggestions without sounding like an ass after praising the game. And then going on chapter 2 and then 3, most of them besides some weird grammar had already been taken care of.
Example:
Chapter 1: During breakfast with Jax, I never knew when I should wait to see a mini animation or the auto 'step' in the dialogue. That led to a lot of single slide rollbacks to catch up on what I missed and messed up the otherwise perfect pacing. I had to comment on that, although since I haven't used Ren'Py I had no solutions to offer that would still include the life the mini animations brought in. Made me wish for an auto play button so I could sit back and watch it like it was on tv.
Chapter 3: The scene with Ann, Jax and Aeon... perfection. Animations play as the chat progresses, changing depending on the tone. Text doesn't 'step' but slowly appear. It just feels so... alive. It's perfect.
The pacing is great, the characters are VERY well written, and the prose, the way the text and conversations flow is amazing. Aeon is written PERFECTLY. The way he speaks, thinks and acts are befit of an ancient being of wisdom, and not as is usually the case a 16 year old boy. And at the same time offering the chances for hilarious confrontations.
The way your skills in Ren'Py and Koikatsu are progressing, I would strongly suggest redoing at least parts of the intro, since it sells the game REALLY short, and are in no way representative of what follows. The way you've discovered to play with expressions conveying emotion makes the first part feel like it was ripped from another game, the difference is that stark. The shooting angles, that by chapter 3 are amazing, also feel flat. Even the models of the party don't do it justice. And since everyone wants to fuck the dragon, a few more shots of the Primordial wouldn't be amiss.
Yes, I know, going back and fixing things takes time that would be better suited to moving the story forward, we always learn and want to fix things and it can lead to an endless loop and freeze the game's progression. Still in this case I think it would be worth it, no matter how eager I am to see what happens next and something like that would bring a delay.
Thank you for this, Primordial has been a breath of fresh air, very well written, wholesome, intriguing, fun, with great atmospheric and sex animations especially as the chapters go by.
P.S. A few more background traffic car models wouldn't be a bad idea, especially if you can find them cell-shaded. I am almost sure whoever is driving that white FC RX-7 is following Aeon.
PS.2: Soaps have 'scents' not 'flavors', since you are not supposed to taste them, but smell them. Unless you've been bad in the 40's.
Hi! And thanks for the kind words! I'm very glad that you enjoyed the game! Don't worry about nitpicking about small details and whatnot, feedback is feedback and every feedback is greatly appreciated!
Believe it or not, I actually just re-played my game from the start just this afternoon while testing out some stuff I did in the UI and ended up having the same thoughts as yours! While playing in Chapter 1 I found myself constantly rollbacking once or twice because of the 'timed pauses' I cooked into the dialogue, and noticed doing less of it as I progressed through the game. I've also noticed the typos and some weird sentences that were prominent in the first half of the game. So yeah... You don't have to worry about being "nitpicky" if even I noticed and got annoyed by my errors lol
I am planning to redo the renders and some scenes in the Prologue and Chapter 1 at some point, but I'm afraid it's going to be some time later on since it will be a lengthy process. I will, however, definitely be removing those timed pauses, the typos, and grammar errors (at least the ones I personally noticed since I'm not a native English speaker) in the next release, since it's the easiest thing to redo.
As for the white RX-7... I'm afraid I cannot comment further on that as it will endanger the MC's life /j
And yes... I managed to watch some YouTube tutorials and read a few Ren'Py forum pages and I managed to conjure up a UI.
All of the Codex, along with every entry (3000 words of boring lore), is complete and the framework for the Gallery is done. All that is left is adding the scenes itself to the Gallery.
I never planned to learn and figure out making the UI this early, but your comment about it being easy to understand pushed me to the edge and made myself study it. It was hard at the beginning due to me being an absolute noob in Ren'Py, but I managed to understand it in the end.
I hope everyone here is excited for the new update as I am. I can't wait to show you guys the new stuff I made!
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All of the Codex, along with every entry (3000 words of boring lore), is complete and the framework for the Gallery is done. All that is left is adding the scenes itself to the Gallery.
The all-nighters I did this weekend are for you Jnx! I hope you're proud of me, wherever you are!
I never planned to learn and figure out making the UI this early, but your comment about it being easy to understand pushed me to the edge and made myself study it. It was hard at the beginning due to me being an absolute noob in Ren'Py, but I managed to understand it in the end.
I hope everyone here is excited for the new update as I am. I can't wait to show you guys the new stuff I made!