It's still too early for me to review, but this is probably one of the better written games that's been put on this site lately. I have my gripes with amnesia(though it is fake in this) and the "Big Business/Mafia" type story. But it's different, and I'm interested.
I will say do SOMETHING with the UI. Anything, I beg of you. Default renpy screams "I'm lazy" and I'd like to not have that perception going forward. That and there needs to be a bit more proofreading, a lot of misspellings, missing words, and odd things like that. I also think that Jax's eagerness to jump straight to sex is odd. I get she "has good intuition" (which has NEVER steered someone wrong...) but MC could have been faking the whole time, and they knew each other for barely two days. But it's in the past I guess now, so not much can be done. However, I think, as of right now, this will be one I watch.
Thank you for making a game that doesn't make my brain hurt lol.
Hello! Thank you for the kind words!
The UI is one of the things in my current to-do list ATM. I'm still new to coding therefore I'm still getting my head around how to make it more interesting. I already have a solid idea of what aesthetics I want for the UI, I just need to learn the technical know-how to make it happen lol.
Jax's eagerness is actually one of the major things I've debated myself over. On one hand, the writer in me wants the first time with her to be more
"built-up" and
"teased-in" to make it more special. I want the story to carry the adult aspects of the game and not the other way around. I want the first time to be a big reward after a few chapters to give the
act with Jax more weight; on the other hand,
IF I did that... I would be limiting the game to just having foreplay for a few chapters. It would also force me to set a precedent for other characters to have
their first to be the same as Jax's. Therefore limiting the
"fun bits" of an
adult game. Since I don't want the game to be
too much of a slow-burner and exhaust the players (this is a porn game after all)... I decided to compromise and have the sex scene now to give myself the freedom to make more sex scenes per chapter, while also shifting the
"building-up" to other parts of the story. Mainly on what you found weird, which was the "good intuition" part of the story. Without going into too much detail, Jax's intuition is a part of the world's many mysteries that will be, and is, a major part of the story. It is a major plot point and will be explained in later chapters. I intentionally made Chapter 3 full of red herrings and curveballs to specifically
"build up" Jax's mysterious intuition precisely because I want it to be highlighted. More will be revealed about it in the next chapters so stay tuned!
As for the proofreading, misspellings, missing words, and other odd things... I am using a program that automatically detects such things to help me as I am not a native English speaker. I run the story's script
twice on both Google Docs and the said program to check for spelling and grammar errors, before putting it into the game. Therefore I'm a bit surprised and quite concerned that you've found errors that both Google Docs and that program didn't find. Can I ask where those errors may be? I'll fix it right away with a patch. Thanks in advance! I'm a one-man team, so having other people help me with these kinds of stuff is extremely helpful!