4.50 star(s) 6 Votes

WastedTalent

Active Member
Dec 11, 2020
952
1,518
Pretty good start. I read the above statement and was thinking maybe the early scene could have been one of the co workers not the girl at the job location or maybe after. Either way that scene wasn't necessarily entirely out of place or tempo. I know it's hard to find the right moments sometimes especially if you're more story driven. It could also be the girl from the evening... she seemed possibly eager or corruptible. Either way waiting for your next update good luck and nice work so far.
 

MrBenny

Well-Known Member
Jul 20, 2021
1,984
4,333
Awesome first release, decently laid out story, with lots of content for a v0.01.

I hope this project has a lot of success in the future.

…Will "Mr. Clean" (MC) grow his hair back later in the story, or stay a cue ball?
 

Old Man Al

Active Member
Jan 18, 2022
993
6,777
Good start.
The story is interesting and the renders are fine.
I also like the humor, like this:
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The dialogues are well written. Just some typos and two or three times the wrong person saying the sentence.

I didn't get quite to the end, because work waits now. But I will finish this today or tomorrow and I daresay I will follow this with great interest. :)
 

desmosome

Conversation Conqueror
Sep 5, 2018
6,302
14,474
Good start.
The story is interesting and the renders are fine.
I also like the humor, like this:
You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

The dialogues are well written. Just some typos and two or three times the wrong person saying the sentence.

I didn't get quite to the end, because work waits now. But I will finish this today or tomorrow and I daresay I will follow this with great interest. :)
Nutritionist lol
 

Midnight Riot

Developer of "Hot Shots!"
Game Developer
May 23, 2022
101
1,720
Pretty dope for the first release.
The story is interesting and the renders are fine too, but you should fix the black lines going on the forehead of the nurse.
You can fix that with Photoshop easily.
 

desmosome

Conversation Conqueror
Sep 5, 2018
6,302
14,474
That was a decent start. Good job on MC's reaction to finding out what happened to him. A lot of MCs kinda just accept some crazy supernatural shit like it's no big deal. You wrote it to be quite reasonable. The conversation with the boss lady dragged on a bit long though. I guess it makes sense that she wants to explain everything to him to get him on board, but it felt a bit too much all in one go.

You pass off the lack of specific assets (in-ear, silence pistol sounds) with some humor. That, and the tone of the porny stuff gives a light hearted feel to the story, but there are also some serious moments like MC's backstory and that girl at the pier. Overall, I think it works as you intended.

The actual sex scenes are very underwhelming though. There is hardly any dialogue and it ends after a couple animations. The "Keep going" choice during sex is redundant and achieves nothing because it just keeps playing the same animation without any text. It's effectively the same as the player just pausing on the animation to look at it for longer.

I do have a question about the direction with the MC. Is the MC basically going to be a good guy, or do you plan on adding a morality scale or an "evil" route? Like could he give into the scarlet rage thingy and do some beastmode stuff (with his D)?
 
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4.50 star(s) 6 Votes