So just going to post some feedback, just a short list of the few bits that caught my eye.
if you don't want feedback or don't like criticism then probably just skip my post.
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Stop typing "he he" or "hi hi" in every 3rd sentence, the characters aren't Michael Jackson.
I counted over 200 instances of "he he" or "hi hi" and their variations.
The story is still weird and the timeline makes no sense.
MC was "lazy" at 16 so got kicked out and abandoned, to the point he didn't even know his parents divorced and moved overseas until after it happened.
Seriously, "lazy" is what we're going with as a reason to disown your kid and cut off all contact with them?
His aunt who he was apparently really close with and is "kind" has had nothing to do with him for the whole time, he didn't call her, she didn't call him? Really?
Doesn't seem like they were that close really and then there is the strange bit about she wanted him to come live with her but he was a minor and had to go along with what the parents said? That makes no sense, the parents weren't in the picture, then then minor MC was left to his own devices, could have gone where ever he wanted.
He has been gone "over 10 years" which means he is at least 27, so the younger cousin, who is still in "school" [high-school presumably] is 18 at most which means she was 8 when MC left, yet they were "so close" but neither kept in contact with the other all this time?
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Wait, what?
New home?
The MC has a home and a job already, where is this new home talk coming from?
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What? The MC woke up not more than 30 minutes ago and is already tired from doing nothing but taking a shower? He isn't even going to have breakfast?
No, wait he had to vocalize that he wasn't tired as if that isn't something that happens in a normal person's brain instantly...
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Right because when a normal person is planning to visit people who are apparently really important and were once really close they pack their console just in case they want nothing to do with these important, close, people...
I mean you could go into town and see where Lily is, or you could go and see whats changed in the 10 years since you were last here, or take a swim in that pool you were so admiring when you first arrived or do any of 100 different things that people do when they take a trip, but no, this MC is going to play some games because he's a console peasant with the IQ of a toilet brush.
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They're laps my guy, you do laps in a pool, not lanes. Competition and lap pools do have lanes, but you swim in the lane while doing laps ...
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What are they doing? It almost looks like ... sitting by the pool.
But lets ask them to make sure, you know, just in case you've mistaken sitting by the pool for something else ...
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Look, the water is crystal clear, I own a pool and unless your eyes are closed you can't not see someone who is underwater, it just isn't a thing.
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Actually, could she go through all the indoor scenes and turn down the lights in most of them? This house seems to have 1000w bulbs in most of the sockets.
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As I said before, the MC must have the brain of a toilet brush, he was fully awake when Lily showed up, he wasn't drunk and he woke up while she was there and made a conscious decision about keeping his hand on her tit or not.
Seriously, is the MC a moron? Does he have some serious cognitive impairment? Whats going on because this isn't the first stupid shit he's been thinking, well in this case saying because this above was all in speech text, not grayed out italicized text, he was saying all that out loud.
I notice also that the MC "spaces out" a lot, as if he can't think and perform an action or hold a conversation at the same time.
Maybe that is just what its like to be stupid? If there is anyone who is actually stupid here let us know, I've always wondered what its like to be an idiot.
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Well once we all saw the obligatory exercise scene [surprised it wasn't yoga tbh] we all instantly knew we were heading for the stereotypical massage, right?
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Nailed it ...
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Yeah seems legit, thats the way the pros do it every time I've had one.
Now this is a surprise;
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I thought we'd given up on the plot and it's back-story after the initial eight and a half seconds of talking about it on the lounge during the first day.
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You might want to avoid drawing the reader's eye to a character or their outfit when its poorly done.
Are those shirts custom-made to wrap neatly and completely around the tits, even on the under-side, like that?
Also whats going on with the waist? How is she getting it to bunch up like that?
It might have been easier to dress and pose the scenes if you hadn't given her 48 K tits [probably even bigger than that] with each one being literally bigger than her head. Lily seems to have extreme bimbo implants too, at least Nina looks to be fairly normal.
But then the MC has a giant comic cock too so I guess thats what you're going for.
I wasn't going to mention the renders, the models or clothing but then you drew our eye to it deliberately so I had to say something.
OMG!! you've done it!!
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Finally a character isn't trying to sound like Michael Jackson with "hi hi" or "he he" all the time.
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I'm failing to see the issue?
Reasonably attractive woman wants sex, why should I watch my back when I could just give her the fucking that she wants?
Whats the down-side?
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That doesn't make sense, you don't see a physio because you're skinny, there needs to be an actual reason.
Also was this before or after he was kicked out? Who was paying for it?
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Spoken like a true 13yo virgin.
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There we go, I knew there was a standard VN trope we'd been missing.
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What? Why would she need a gun license? I know people sometimes refer to muscles as guns, but Megan doesn't really have any muscles to show so ... ?
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She just needs to be in more VNs, then she'd see they are a dime-a-dozen.
She'd barely be able to turn around without one smacking her in the face.
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Ok a couple of things here, first the $ goes before the number.
Second;
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$300 is about 2 pairs of jeans, if they were on sale.
Most of the shirts that I wear outside the house IRL are $100-$150, so for someone like Megan that is clearly loaded, I wouldn't be surprised if each item she bought cost $300.
If this MC thinks $300 is a lot then I hope he never looks at getting a tailored suit, he'd actually die when he sees the price.
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How? How is it going to be trouble for 2 consenting adults to engage in sexual activity? Its not like she was blowing him out where everyone could see.
So yeah ... thats it after 4 chapters ...