Most of the recent reviews have mentioned that the game is too wordy and the dialogues are unnatural. I wanted to ask for everyone's opinions/advice about how to improve it. I understand the concept of wordiness, so I'm guessing that I'll try to improve that before the Steam release by trying to reduce the number of words used to convey the same message. However, the concept of the dialogues being unnatural is something I'm uncertain about how to improve. Maybe it's because English isn't my first language so the dialogues seem too formal? I'm not sure how to improve that cause I don't really instinctively see it myself. Would anyone be able to provide an example of an unnatural dialogue from the game and how it could be edited to be better? I think I'll probably get the concept after I see an example or two, so then I could improve the rest of the dialogues myself.
The only "unnatural" dialogue I remember is intentional on your part (the media in the TITTS world like the book titles you find in the library or the script in the Harry Potter/Star Wars knock off you watch with Maya). If this was any other context and you mentioned that English is your 2nd language, I'd think you were bragging (your English is really good).
I'd suggest you'd do your best to take some of these criticisms less seriously on F95. The ones making them are either
(1) a part of the group/represent the group of people who wouldn't monetarily support the game anyway even if you improved in this regard (it's not their type of game or they are just momentary).
(2) it's normal for some people here to word themselves as harshly as they can (or go out of their way to be negative especially if they see other people liking something). They see a criticism someone else makes and since they can't think of anything else, they say the same thing. It's like a negativity bandwagon. For example, do you find it strange that no one has mentioned before that your entire cast looks Asian but after one person says it now it's a big problem (or now there are similar criticisms about the cast looking the same or having the same face shape). Some people here are trolls and only say stuff to get a reaction out of you so try not to feed them.
In terms of your writing style, sometimes you say things that are mentioned soon after anyway, which I guess is the same as other people saying you are "wordy"?
For example:
MC: I find myself curious. Why did they summon me here, a week before the show is supposed to start? I thought that everything had already been decided. Surely they aren't going to change anything a week before the filming is meant to start?
Here you see you didn't need to mention the show starting in a week two times so close together or mention that the MC was curious (since asking himself a bunch of questions suggests his curiosity).
Another example:
Katherine: You are going to pair up for the first set of missions!
...a few lines later...
I'll get all of you into pairs and tell you your tasks in a moment.
...a few lines later...
Anyway, that's all, I think. Now, I'll announce the pairs for today and your missions.
The same criticism applies here (Katherine might not need to mention pairing up so many times) but it's understandable why you did it b/c transitions are hard (even for professional writers).
This goes back to what I said in the feedback I left on discord; it's a balancing act. Any creator worth a damn thinks their creation could be better in some way. But is your writing bad enough to want to spend time away from other things you can work on/improve on? For me, the answer is a big no.
I think when your audience/supporters grow, this will all feel less bothersome to you? I'm always flabbergasted on why you don't have more. Anyway, sorry for being long winded.
