Asking money for little content is a scam. .
Public release 4 days after top patreon tier is totally "asking for money" and not just a mere tip for people who like the game.
Here's my personal experience with Patreon devs as someone who subs if a game is good even if it is already here:
The devs that "scam" are the ones without release dates and inconsistent schedules, "deliver when ready" is the oldest marketing ploy in game dev history, has existed way before even patreon did. A dev that has a fixed schedule that is bound to deliver is the least to decieve because even if they end up abandoning, you still have the content right till the last month.
You're contradicting your own point about "abandoned" titles, devs that promise huge content end up not releasing in fear of backlash, they don't even release the content they already worked on and would be put in next release. I have seen many devs that completed art and never got done with coding because of too many bugs and failed testing, I have also seen devs that got done with the coding but their artist leaves or they can't pay for artist anymore so they abandon the entire game.
Lastly, people above the age of 20 don't have time to develop porn games for free, if you have a job or go to college, or both, you have time and money constraints. Even if you have a passion to do something you can't really afford to do it. Think like an adult, if you are one, if you aren't, then you shouldn't be on this site.