- Oct 27, 2017
- 4
- 3
Hey mate Fist: Awsome Game! i love it!!You must be registered to see the links
Okay, I have a lot to talk about... where I've been, what I've been doing, potential changes, etc.
I want to explain some things further from the previous post. I want to go over my story and explain where my head is at right now... I think being open and honest about it will help me out.
So it's no secret that I never imagined WVM to be even slightly as popular and successful as it has been. And of course I'm super happy and grateful for where I am but I want to talk about the journey and some of the things that come with it that I wasn't prepared for.
It all started out as me doing it solely for fun. It wasn't for anyone but me and I never imagined making a more than solid living from it. Then day 1 releases and I got a few patrons but everything remained chill, they were all super supportive and there weren't many negative voices. After day 3 released there was a huge influx of support and that's when my imposter syndrome started. I didn't feel I deserved the amount of support I was receiving. There's so many wonderful games that don't see anywhere near the instant success I had.
A few negative voices arose... but it wasn't anything too crazy, WVM still wasn't very popular. So I was able to brush most of it off but it was starting to get to me. Support continued to balloon and the pressure started to build.
When I began I told myself 80-100 renders was my goal for every week. That was a good balance but due to me feeling like I didn't deserve what I had and constantly hearing complaints about "short updates" I kept pushing myself. 120 became the new goal and I'd also have weeks where I'd hit 150+. To accomplish that it was honestly working every single day from the time I woke up to the time I went to sleep.
The pressure to deliver not only quality but quantity only rose. Despite working nonstop every single day I was never happy with the amount of work I had accomplished. I was already having an internal struggle and then on top of that there were constant messages of "These weeklies aren't worth it". It became a lot quickly. In this time frame I lost a father figure in my life and it made everything worse and it started a trend of bad luck.
There were water leaks, power outages, illnesses and just about everything that could go wrong did. But I did my absolute best to work through it all. But that's when delays started and that really started to mess with my head. Because now not only did I not feel I deserved to be where I was, but I didn't even deliver on what I said I would.
WVM was really becoming popular and there were so many eyes on me and everything I did. Every move I made was heavily analyzed and there was nonstop misinformation being spread. Any change I would make would be heavily criticized, any new thing would be heavily criticized, absolutely everything would be. Which is just part of being where I am but fuck me if it isn't stress inducing. Every single week I would receive multiple messages of people saying their going to drop support or people saying they'll denounce me and tell everyone to not play my game if I continue doing what I'm doing because I did something they didn't like.
Then covid happened... I got many messages about people losing their jobs and needing refunds and I refunded every single one of them. I felt super fucking guilty for taking money during this time. Because once again, I don't feel I deserve it in the first place... and now there's an actual crisis happening. I also received many messages during this time of people accusing me of being a milker or faking the death of my aunt. Or they were just the usual angry ramblings.
Then my aunt passed and everything began to crumble. That month was honestly the worst month of my life so far and if it wasn't for my mom I think I'd still be where I was then. But at this point I had no clue what to do. So I just tried to work. I felt so, so fucking guilty for missing those releases... and every problem I had doubled.
When I finally got out of that funk I was super committed to becoming consistent again. But it didn't last long. My grandpa's health has been deteriorating for some time and it's gotten pretty bad these past few weeks and I had all that shit go down with spectrum. Now there's everything happening in America.
There's just been nonstop negativity in the world. I've been stuck in my house for months and my usual stress relief methods are all unavailable. I've slowly let myself slip into the sadness I'm feeling now.
I just want to do the right thing. I've never once tried to hurt anyone or put anything negative out into the world. I'm just a positive guy who wants to make everyone happy.
And that's the hardest part of it. I've made so many people upset or angry and I've let so many people down.
I don't make WVM to make people upset... I make it to make others happy.
So it's really hard for me to handle the constant negative emotions I see my me or my game causing.
I've tried to give back to the VN community. I truly want to see other devs succeed. I've included some other games in my own game and I've given devs that have given me advice or just been a friend shout outs when I can and I've never asked for a single thing in return. But fuck for some reason I feel super alienated from the rest of my fellow devs.
I've felt so many different emotions recently but they've mostly been negative. I'm not proud of myself right now. I feel like there's so much pressure on me... to take care of my grandpa, to maintain personal relationships, to deliver on this game... everything. (Though I know most of that pressure is caused by myself.) I've just became super fucking overwhelmed.
It's really hard to explain... I just want to be a good dev. I want to make others happy.
But there's some things I have to accept. I'm going to piss people off and I just have to be okay with that.
For many months I've been doing what I thought was best to make the highest % of people happy that I could. But it's time for me to worry about my own happiness.
Changes
I love weeklies. I love the instant feedback and having that constant connection with you guys... but it's not always achievable. I have to take steps to reduce some of the stress on me.
I'm not sure what I'll eventually have as my constant but I'm going to try some things out.
The first thing I'll be trying out is essential bi-weekly releases where tier 1-4 would all have a release date.
So for instance:
First week of the month: Part 1 release for Tier 4
Second week of the month: Part 1 release for Tier 3
Third week of the month: Part 2 release for Tier 2
Fourth week of the month: Part 2 release for Tier 1
First week of the next month: Part 3 release for Tier 4
(Weeklies can still be a thing in between these if the week goes well though)
A big stress for me is actually the weekly renders. So those will be moving to either bi-weekly as well or monthly. But they'll contain more renders per to make up for it.
I'll have more info on these changes soon. Nothing is set in stone.
To my supporters
First off, thank you <3
And thank you all for the super kind messages on my last post. It truly means the world to me.
As you know I turned off pledges for this month. With my delays and the state of the world right now I didn't think it was right for me to have them on.
Also turning them off was the only way I'd ever convince myself to take a meaningful break.
But I've also been asked by a lot of people how they can support me this month.
There's been so much negativity in the world recently that I think the best way for you to support me right now is to use whatever you would give me and do something kind with it.
Purchase a gift for someone that means something to you, donate to one of the many places that could use the cash. Just spread some good.
I truly care about each and every one of you. I hope you're all doing okay.
Updates
Day 7 final is still being worked on but I've admittedly been taking it easy these last few days as I try to steady myself.
I'll have a more concrete answer in the coming days but you can expect it to be out relatively soon.
Myself
I'm admittedly mostly the same currently. I'm still in my own head and I'm still feeling down. But all of those comments on the previous post have really helped. Thank you guys.
I feel like there's a lot more to talk about but this post is already long as fuck so I'll call it here.
My patreon will likely be silent for a few days as I've been trying to avoid most places while I work on myself.
Thank you for whoever reads all of this. And thank you all for your support.
I love you guys. <3
Second: Dont be to hard on your self, things are going bad every were. I lost my mum last year and my grandma is not doing well this year. But that is life, i tray to see the good things that i have, you shuld do the same. Keep on the good Work mate, and best of lucks
