I thought that was a pretty standard, built-in feature of renpy when rollback is enabled. I've seen that in a handful of games. Some of them have it able to be disabled in the options.
- Aug 29, 2018
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just finish to test it. I think this game is bad.
First you rush the story too much, not enought of background. for example, first day of work and the good girl (only 2 girl one good one bad then...) already give the mc overtime...? even if it just getting his job... and the mc yep i will overwork in my first day to buy a video game...? it s dumb i sorry... build a story take time. ( build an initial situation before throwing out the disturbing element)
Second your mc is a mop and i don t like them his way. Live a hard life makes you stronger... Why mc don t go to police ? like any normal people do ? Said no to the blowjob, and go... it s easy to look for ip in this pc for police... And blackmail cost 5 years of jail (just in case you forgot it). why he is so affraid of a kid ? i feel a laziness to build a serious start story here, and you choose the too easy way.... mc had a bad past so he have to...............
In all your game there are 3 choices, two of are useless (i test them) and one is so logical that it goes without saying, say no to the kid, why i can t do that earlier (but it do near nothing to the story, this mop mc go to her... he just escape a lewd scene...)... then i m sorry but for me this is not a game but an ebook with picture. make your story and choose in end "do you want the end 1 or 2 or 3" it will be better than 3 false choices. and you should add kinetic novel in tag.
Oh and M dev i m (a player) not in you shoes, i m not seeing the full story, i m in the mc shoes. and i see it as going, remember this for your next game, please.
Then yes this game is bad, but i read chapter 3 will be the last, at least is not too long.
i will not tell you good luck for this one, because for me it has to be redone from the start... it s too bad, luck will be not enought.
Then good luck with your next game m dev.
First you rush the story too much, not enought of background. for example, first day of work and the good girl (only 2 girl one good one bad then...) already give the mc overtime...? even if it just getting his job... and the mc yep i will overwork in my first day to buy a video game...? it s dumb i sorry... build a story take time. ( build an initial situation before throwing out the disturbing element)
Second your mc is a mop and i don t like them his way. Live a hard life makes you stronger... Why mc don t go to police ? like any normal people do ? Said no to the blowjob, and go... it s easy to look for ip in this pc for police... And blackmail cost 5 years of jail (just in case you forgot it). why he is so affraid of a kid ? i feel a laziness to build a serious start story here, and you choose the too easy way.... mc had a bad past so he have to...............
In all your game there are 3 choices, two of are useless (i test them) and one is so logical that it goes without saying, say no to the kid, why i can t do that earlier (but it do near nothing to the story, this mop mc go to her... he just escape a lewd scene...)... then i m sorry but for me this is not a game but an ebook with picture. make your story and choose in end "do you want the end 1 or 2 or 3" it will be better than 3 false choices. and you should add kinetic novel in tag.
Oh and M dev i m (a player) not in you shoes, i m not seeing the full story, i m in the mc shoes. and i see it as going, remember this for your next game, please.
Then yes this game is bad, but i read chapter 3 will be the last, at least is not too long.
i will not tell you good luck for this one, because for me it has to be redone from the start... it s too bad, luck will be not enought.
Then good luck with your next game m dev.
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Wait so the MC plans to fuck up the guy who raped Shizuka all those years ago? Oh. My. God. We have a winner people! WE FINALLY HAVE AN MC WITH BALLS! It's an adult game and the MC isn't a bitch! He's not a bitch!
Picture AVGN screaming it's not a piece of shit about the Spiderman LJN game
Now if only I could take that dudes daughter Yuna with me. Poor girl seems to be a product of her lifestyle. At least if any rumors are true, though it seems to me that she's simply infatuated and being bold and not really the town bicycle. I think that's my only gripe about this game honestly. There won't be a way to save her, even if it's not a harem or throuple ending I really would have liked the option to sort of adopt her or get a good friend out of her and get her and Shizuka to make up as well. It's really not her fault her dad is a criminal but it does obviously rub off on her as we can see from the blackmail attempt.
I personally played by writing her off. Not accepting her deal and having deleted the pictures. I'll do a second run and accept her deal and maybe keep pics. Not sure about the pics though. Seems like a stupid thing to keep.
EDIT: Well shit son. That did not go as planned. Maybe a throuple IS in the works? Yuna clearly stated she wanted more than just what they had. I'm seriously hoping we can abscond with this loan sharks daughter. There are a LOT of implications on her route. That girl really is a byproduct of her dads awful parenting.
Picture AVGN screaming it's not a piece of shit about the Spiderman LJN game
Now if only I could take that dudes daughter Yuna with me. Poor girl seems to be a product of her lifestyle. At least if any rumors are true, though it seems to me that she's simply infatuated and being bold and not really the town bicycle. I think that's my only gripe about this game honestly. There won't be a way to save her, even if it's not a harem or throuple ending I really would have liked the option to sort of adopt her or get a good friend out of her and get her and Shizuka to make up as well. It's really not her fault her dad is a criminal but it does obviously rub off on her as we can see from the blackmail attempt.
I personally played by writing her off. Not accepting her deal and having deleted the pictures. I'll do a second run and accept her deal and maybe keep pics. Not sure about the pics though. Seems like a stupid thing to keep.
EDIT: Well shit son. That did not go as planned. Maybe a throuple IS in the works? Yuna clearly stated she wanted more than just what they had. I'm seriously hoping we can abscond with this loan sharks daughter. There are a LOT of implications on her route. That girl really is a byproduct of her dads awful parenting.
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- Aug 19, 2018
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well...shit. my main gripe on this game was that i couldnt reject the BJ. but after reading the comment i think ima avoid reading about that situation by stopping here
. it sucks that happened to Shizuka. but backstories like that tend to make the game a no go for me.ty for the info.
- Dec 27, 2020
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I didn't think on it, didn't occur honestly. But now that you've mentioned it that is also a probability. Usually it is always these damn simple things that pass by and you don't think of.
Shit happens my man. Thanks for trying.well...shit. my main gripe on this game was that i couldnt reject the BJ. but after reading the comment i think ima avoid reading about that situation by stopping here
ty for the info.
Mmh... well yeah. If you went with refusing Yuna's deal at end of EP1... then ... I'll put it in a spoiler if you wanna know. Basically with refusal of her deal, MC will rob her father, but in same time find incriminating evidence against him to fuck him up and put him behind the bars. Hence when Yuna asked what he needs from her, he said "A key, a time, a place." Aka where does he keep his valuable stuff.
Regarding your edit and addition... well... once more I'll put it in spoilers if you want to know.
Alternate ending spoiler: The alternate ending is that MC ends with Yuna. Intended that way just in case anyone actually had a viewpoint like yours, where they realize Yuna isn't ENTIRELY bad and her ways is pretty much due to growing up situation. But MC isn't happy about this tbh, due to the way it ends. Hence as I mentioned before... this meant to have a sequel. But seeing not that much interest in it, debatable will I ever make it.
- Dec 27, 2020
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I played it yet.
Yes it is definitely the rollback function. You have it activated on default with this version.
Yeah, I understand. But let me give you a bit of another Perspective.
You wanted 10 Patreons have 4. That's right, but these 4 pay as much as 20 or 30 Patreons on other projects.
The rest is up to you. It's your decision. But you sound disappointed and a little bit frustrated.
I don't want you to stop. You clearly have some talent. I don't question that.
We talked a bit after 0.3. Now after 0.7 I can ask the same question like last time. What do you expect?
This story is Bockstandard. It remembered me on an instant at "Three Sisters Story". Typical Japanese Anime Story.
That's not a bad thing per se, but nothing which sparks interest.
I said back then this work is decent. And MC and Shizuka are well written for a short story.
Where this story really fails, is with one word: "Yuna". I thought she becomes more flashed out. But she becomes even worse.
I knew you can't hear it anymore. It gets on your nerve. Yuna. Yuna. Yuna.
Anyway, I have to say it. Yuna fails as a character. I learned in Literature class (back in school) the most important character in a story is the MC. Most readers (and even more gamers) immerse themselves with the Main Protagonist.That said, the greatest difficulty is to write an antagonist which is nearly as well-thought-out as the MC.
You said to me. "You have hoped that some people like her character".
The Problem: She has no character. She isn't even an antagonist. Furthermore, she is a simple plot device.
It is at this point irrelevant for the reader how she become what she is. We don't ask is there a possibility of saving her or cure her. She has become like her father. Is she a born rapist, or was she raised to be one? Irrelevant. She is what she is. Not once did she show a glimpse of a human being. She doesn't care about anything or anybody. Why should we? So... ...we don't care.
She is burned for the audience.
May I ask: Did you plan more on her?
I have the impression she wasn't meant to be that shallow.
I hope I haven't ruined your day with my critique. Again you have talent.
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I played it yet.
Yes it is definitely the rollback function. You have it activated on default with this version.
Yeah, I understand. But let me give you a bit of another Perspective.
You wanted 10 Patreons have 4. That's right, but these 4 pay as much as 20 or 30 Patreons on other projects.
The rest is up to you. It's your decision. But you sound disappointed and a little bit frustrated.
I don't want you to stop. You clearly have some talent. I don't question that.
We talked a bit after 0.3. Now after 0.7 I can ask the same question like last time. What do you expect?
This story is Bockstandard. I remembered on instant "Three Sisters Story". Typical Japanese Anime Story.
That's not a bad thing per se, but nothing which sparks interest.
I said back then this work is decent. And MC and Shizuka are well written for a short story.
Where this story really fails, is with one word: "Yuna". I thought she becomes more flashed out. But she becomes even worse.
I knew you can't hear it anymore. It gets on your nerve. Yuna. Yuna. Yuna.
Anyway, I have to say it. Yuna fails as a character. I learned in Literature class (back in school) the most important character in a story is the MC. Most readers (and even more gamers) immerse themselves with the Main Protagonist.That said, the greatest difficulty is to write an antagonist which is nearly as well-thought-out as the MC.
You said to me. "You have hoped that some people like her character".
The Problem: She has no character. She isn't even an antagonist. Furthermore, she is a simple plot device.
It is at this point irrelevant for the reader how she become what she is. We don't ask is there a possibility of saving her or cure her. She has become like her father. Not once did she show a glimpse of a human being. She doesn't care about anything or anybody. Why should we? So we don't care.
She is irredeemable.
May I ask: Did you plan more on her?
I have the impression she wasn't meant to be that shallow.
I hope I haven't ruined your day with my critique. Again you have talent.
First... no. Not even close to ruining my day, when a person like you or anyone else writes me a normal critique and their feedback, that actually brightens my damn day. Because I appreciate when people take time to give me feedback and critiques so I can look it and improve the stuff... so no, matter of fact thank you for taking time to write and communicate normally unlike certain few I won't even bother to mention.
Also, few people know this but I will state this here very clearly. The Patreons I have... are NOT in ANY way involved with ANY of this and have NOTHING to do with my VN's. Those patreons come from people who read my interactive fictions(books/games) I have 0 patreons from anything related to this. Just something to keep in mind.
And of course I'd sound disappointed. I mean I'm kinda bummed that I didn't manage to provide content people would like. But I'll try and do better next time. After all, mistakes are made to learn from no?
Regarding your question did I plan more on her. Well yes, of course, your impression is accurate and on spot. This is why I stated it was meant to be made as a sequel. It is not that Yuna has no character and more complex story and background, but sometimes it also takes a little patience from a reader to get to the good part. Of course I am not judging here anyone or anything of the sort, just to clear this up so no one gets triggered for no reason.
LwH was supposed to be introduction to dramatic shit, complications and resolvement later that would lead to sequel where things would have, again, different routes and so forth. That being said I'll maybe even make the sequel on the side when I feel like it and I have time to do so.
Oh and actually at EP2 ending, if you refused her deal before, then at ending where she asks what does the MC need from her, on which he responsed a key, time and place... IS SUPPOSED to hint at her change. Because she wants to get out of her father's clutches so she decides to help him.
I just "faded" the conversation between them where MC explains what he wants to keep it a "mystery". And even if you did accept her deal before and end up sleeping with her again.... she does say she wants MORE than THIS. Once more hinting there at where is it going.
And don't worry, I have another project as soon as I finish last EP for this and wrap it up.
Not gonna quit. I like writing and that's what I'll do.Once again thanks a bunch for a normal and proper critique, I'll be sure to take what you said and improve on such aspects. Hell, may even make additional content after EP3 just to see what people think!
Thanks!
- Aug 29, 2018
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you know m dev, as said one of my old friend who write book... In the first 10 - 20 min reading, you have to set the scene and hook the reader... because if you lose them in this first 30 min, no matter if your story is the best, if they close the book, they will never see it.
And here in f95zone with hundred games like yours, it s truer than elsewhere...
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Perfectly fine. Yet it would be honestly an unrealistic expectation to hope you'll please everyone. Some will like it, some will dislike it. Not much you can do about that, it is as it is. All in all... I am not going to try and please everyone. But thank you for giving it a shot and trying it out at least.
Appreciated.
- Aug 29, 2018
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First you have not to thanks me to do something it please me... play games, i like it so, and in this forum i m near 1000 try of games in 4 years... But please if you could not sulk... i ve just honestly said what i don t like, to give a feedback of you game in alpha stat, implicitly the other things are ok for me but... yes i m passionate for story, 50% if the game is good come of the story, 10% gameplay, and 40% lewd scene...
arf ! And again this damn argument... as a kid don t lie to yourself for an useless pride (all respect here), you make this game with hope it please most of us. i read a lot the forum before test it. So yep i understand you re not happy... you know in past i m made game too (adventure and rpg not lewd one), i was part of a team, i see this a lot of time and this answer is never a constructive reaction... As you say people make mistake but they improve their work with them, and it s true but only if they understand what is wrong, and not keep their way no matter the cost, and your "ok not for everyone" go to opposite the good way for me. (don t you want make great game love by everyone ?)
Now i don t ask you to not finish what you start, but at least remember what it said here (never too late to make it more good, you could try things on chapter 3, or some game complet rebuild are attracting people after, or just continu your way like nothing happen here, it's up to you to decide where is your target and not the people who read you...). when i was dev i always prefer the grumpy, because they will directly go where it s hurt, And for me, to know my game weak point was better than this strengh (but it's no use trying to have the last word with them...). shield yourself no story is perfect, and just go on for better... you can say what you want to us, at last we will see your work...
Then this time i wish you good luck for you M dev.
arf ! And again this damn argument... as a kid don t lie to yourself for an useless pride (all respect here), you make this game with hope it please most of us. i read a lot the forum before test it. So yep i understand you re not happy... you know in past i m made game too (adventure and rpg not lewd one), i was part of a team, i see this a lot of time and this answer is never a constructive reaction... As you say people make mistake but they improve their work with them, and it s true but only if they understand what is wrong, and not keep their way no matter the cost, and your "ok not for everyone" go to opposite the good way for me. (don t you want make great game love by everyone ?)
Now i don t ask you to not finish what you start, but at least remember what it said here (never too late to make it more good, you could try things on chapter 3, or some game complet rebuild are attracting people after, or just continu your way like nothing happen here, it's up to you to decide where is your target and not the people who read you...). when i was dev i always prefer the grumpy, because they will directly go where it s hurt, And for me, to know my game weak point was better than this strengh (but it's no use trying to have the last word with them...). shield yourself no story is perfect, and just go on for better... you can say what you want to us, at last we will see your work...
Then this time i wish you good luck for you M dev.
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- Apr 10, 2021
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Thanks for your work and specially for finishing it. I hope to see more from you.
Thank you.
Thanks, and I always try to be consistent. As much as life allows me at least. I hope you enjoyed it even a bit. Thanks for checking it out.
Yep. Be sure to read quick Q&A at first page tho!
Already working on another project. Though it will be much bigger than this. VN but will have some features of sandboxing / free roaming as well!
Thank you for playing!