VenusWaltz ... only just started playing your novel to the point of the MC returning to the coffee shop after first lab and meeting Harlow. Your timeline at this point needs some looking into. For this day so far, the MC has had a good chat with Billy in the morning, a 15 min bus ride, a meeting with Kate and then doing a 3 hour lab. I would estimate the time being roughly 12-1pm at this point. He takes an hour long but ride back to the coffee shop but arrives at MIDDAY. You then have the MC think... "I get back to the coffee shop with the sun just about to go down." Which should put the time around 6-8pm and the next thought is "The late-night crowd at Billy's is relaxed..."
It's nice to be descriptive but you went through so many time zones in a very short walk from the bus stop into the shop. I'm not trying to be picky and refreshing to see some decent English in a game, just a heads up to pay a little more attention to detail.
Thanks for your efforts though, so far I am enjoying it.
It's nice to be descriptive but you went through so many time zones in a very short walk from the bus stop into the shop. I'm not trying to be picky and refreshing to see some decent English in a game, just a heads up to pay a little more attention to detail.
Thanks for your efforts though, so far I am enjoying it.