VN Ren'Py A mod for ProjectSAGE

5.00 star(s) 2 Votes

Gunsothegreat

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Jun 12, 2018
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I wouldn't say the writing is bad, but a bit raw, it feels like a first draft. Now obviously he does take some liberties with what the character's reactions are in the story that you wouldn't say were realistic, but I do think you shouldn't let reality ruin a good fantasy ;) But what scenes we like and don't like is obviously just taste. I think he did quite well with the tools he had.
 
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Diconica

Well-Known Member
Apr 25, 2020
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I am working on a script for a game somewhat inspired by projectSAGE, the office wife and a few other games focused on exhibitionism. However I'm not a fast writer and I'm hopelessly addicted to making graphics, so I took this up as a side project. The story in the game is a bit raw but I did like it, surprisingly since I'm not a fan of HS models, but yes I do think there's room for improvement. The new scenes I add will test if my writing is crap or not, and I have a few fans of the game that are willing to be my test subjects in this.
I haven't looked at your work. So won't comment on it.
Lets start with if your wife, child, grand child, cousin came to you telling you they were being blackmailed would you leave it in their hands to resolve if you had the skills to deal with it and even if you didn't have the skills would you get someone to deal with it.

The character makes no use of the current level of technology demonstrated in the game to protect herself.
She is supposed to be smart but never once is her decisions in the game exhibit that.

The entire game felt like someone made a list of shit they want to put in the game and stuck it together.
The entire thing is written as if the author has no understanding of what the difference between plot,story and concept is.
"Mary, went to the park kicked the soccer ball and knocking out Tom's teeth", has more of a story than the game currently does.
He has a concept. " The story is about an independent young girl who decides to move to another country to start a new life after losing her family. Slowly, she discovers herself, her heritage and her destiny. " No overall story or plot.

You can find thousands of better source about girls finding themselves in another country to get ideas from. Go check out a used book store, library, web search ... free online pdf books.
 

Gunsothegreat

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Jun 12, 2018
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The entire game felt like someone made a list of shit they want to put in the game and stuck it together.
I'm sure it started out that way, if you look at the older version of the game, that is definitely what's going on there. But story-wise there is a lot of improvement between the old and the new. It does look like after a while paperwork realized he also wanted to tell a story. Sure it's not going to make any bestseller lists, but then again, writing is hard and takes a long time to get good at.
 
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Gunsothegreat

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Jun 12, 2018
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And considering some of the utter trash that sometimes gets popular, the fact that some guy who got inspired to write by doing a porn story should be something to celebrate. If it doesn't meet your standards, then that's fine, everybody's limited by their own skills, there's no getting around that. But the more we do something, the better we get at it.
 

Gunsothegreat

Member
Jun 12, 2018
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You can find thousands of better source about girls finding themselves in another country to get ideas from. Go check out a used book store, library, web search ... free online pdf books.
Why are you so concerned with how I choose to spend my time? I don't think anyone here is claiming that paperwork is some literary genius, I know there are better stories out there. If you don't like what I'm doing, just ignore it.
 

baka

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Oct 13, 2016
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I dont agree. I think (the 2nd of course) game is close to perfection for a vn-erotic game.
never played such good game and one reason is the choices and all the branches.

writing was also good. because it was "erotic" and that part is very hard to find.
a lot of games are visually good, tons of story but lack of eroticism.
a game that came close is "our fate - a new family" because the writer did made me feel "Im in charge, his thought, how he wanted to corrupt her, how he took his time to do it" (if u pick the corruption route like I did :D)

so, sure HS is not the best visually, but what PW did with it, its simply amazing.

to explain: eroticism is not just sex, its the emotions u get from it. sexiness, finesse, the art of teasing, to make u aroused etc. its the play before the sex that is very important. "slow corruption" is all about that. not that "u need to click 20" times and the girl with suck your cock. no, its the expectations and the feelings.
in PS theres tons of that.
 
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Gunsothegreat

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Jun 12, 2018
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A lot of people overlook that writing a visual novel where you let the player make some meaningful choices is a lot harder to write than a normal linear story. You are actually writing multiple stories and you have to make sure everything fit together, this can quickly become very complex.
 

atlas114

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May 4, 2017
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all good points- not much to add until Day 1 is ready for us to dive into. have a great weekend guys! maybe we’ll be pleasantly surprised sunday :D
 
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baka

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I was on twitter and I saw a pic (u know those click-bait ads) and I did a tineye to get a better source.
and I thought of Amy. when she go to the beach and the old dudes looking at her, with that sad face thinking, I will never tap that.

olddude.jpg
 

trektant

Newbie
Oct 28, 2017
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...Am I witnessing the reason behind the prevalence of ugly bastard hentai?
I personally don't appreciate the contrast :p.
 

Gunsothegreat

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Jun 12, 2018
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I thought I'd run something past you guys while the next image renders. I'm considering lowering Amys inhibitions when she is aroused or very aroused, as well as when she is drunk or smoking pot, there will be drunk, very drunk, and shitfaced drunk, all lower inhibitions, very drunk, and drunk will impair judgment and Amy gets to make some really stupid moves. Although not important on the first day, I'm thinking if she does not masturbate she will wake up still horny and with lowered inhibitions but the bonus you get when she masturbates as she fantasies about the day's events she reinforces granting her a 50% bonus in gains such as exhibitionism. What do you think? acceptable?
 

atlas114

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May 4, 2017
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that seems realistic and reasonable. shitfaced drunk could mean just passing out with none of the fun stuff happening, just waking up in the morning wondering what happened- though in her passed out state there’s certainly opportunity to fondle her if the pervs were so inclined.
 

atlas114

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May 4, 2017
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definitely agree that if her state of arousal is high enough (not masturbating) it means she’d be more compelled to do riskier things such as public nudity when the very thought it of it was unthinkable a day ago
 

Gunsothegreat

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Jun 12, 2018
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I also feel it makes the masturbation scenes a game mechanic as well as eye candy. I think paperwork reset arousal each day, if that is the case I would change that to lowering it somewhat when she sleeps, but leave it at maybe 75% or something like that.
 
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baka

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not sure.
it was hard to play with that "bar" I never knew when it was "enough" or not.
and in PS it was hard to manage, sometimes it was low sometimes high or in the middle.

as for me, I don't like it, I want Amy to be corrupted when shes all wake up.
but if u want to have it, I want it to be simple and easy to read, something like this:
aroused [##|##|##|##|##] so 10 points, each 2 lower her inhibition -5%
intoxicated [##|##|##|##|##] each 2 lower her inhibition -5%
inhibition: 85(100) *-15%)

another thing,
when we get a choice, say, she is with a "dude" and he try to kiss her, we get

- go away
- slap him
- kiss back

and to kiss him back u need inhibition 75 points
I would like

- kiss back (need <75 inhibition)

so we know why we can't.
and if u enable "cheat" (could have a setting in menu)
u can still click that option even if its greyed and u don't have enough points.
 

LongoMcFap

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Dec 28, 2020
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I also feel it makes the masturbation scenes a game mechanic as well as eye candy. I think paperwork reset arousal each day, if that is the case I would change that to lowering it somewhat when she sleeps, but leave it at maybe 75% or something like that.
I think there was a reason for PW to do this. Often you do not run into problems with first ideas of mechanics, they will show up when you code it! Too many states, variables can be tricky, well not in coding, but to deliver the visual stuff for so many.

Let's say the player don't let her masturbate for what, five days? And, yes exaggerated, she's therefore ready for a 100 men bukkake gangbang with unwashed, stinking hobos. And the player played her more shy, what then? Is there no scene. Maybe I didn't make the point clear, but carrying over variables, over more and more days can be a pain the ass for logic, renders, dependencies etc.

So the advantage with the daily reset of the variable lust, he could handle the value within one day of the update, also with the renders you need for the different variants of a scene depending on her lust value (and that is just one variable within a day). Now think about two, three or more variables. You have to make some cut, it sucks I know, but otherwise the complexity will kill the project.

I am not saying you can't use the lust variable as the main "ressource" and drunk, stoned as addtionally outcomes of a scene, but keep in mind this needs to get tracked and somehow be logical. ANother example, after three days not touching herself, there is a possible scene in the subway. So you need (should?) take care for a groping scene not only for a parameter how drunk she is (maybe drving home after the cosplay modelling), maybe she also smoked some pot after the show with someone, but you to check her lust value, not only for the day or two but four, five. How many states of lust can she have, maybe three? Or five? So the scene could play: lust 0, drunk 0, high 0. lust 1, drunk 0, high 0. lust 2, drunk 0, high 0. lust 0, drunk 1, high 0. lust 0, drunk 2, high 0. lust 0, drunk 0, high 1. lust 1, drunk 1, high 0. and so on and on. And maybe the variance of two outfits? Doubles the possibilites instantly. Are there dependencies of previous encounters with the guys in the subway groping her tonight? Will they be rough or gentle, how far will they go, will they humiliate her in front of others because she is drunk 2, high 1, and treated them condescending in a previous event, does lust even matter in this case?

Better you use less variables that really matter the outcome of a scene after a choice (or maybe in future) then having many variables but you see no difference in the scenes!

Same for outfit changes. New outfits are always nice, and the dream would be depending on her "overall" lewdness. Yeah but some players play her not like a bitch, different scenes will be played different. So now you are on a point to have a certain scene, and the players have her on different lewdness. You plan to render those upcoming scenes with different outfits? -> project dead. The amount is too much!

So imho, I would say one overall parameter for her, like corruption (if it should be a corruption based game). So this can be used to "force" the players with every update within a certain corruption level (you know the minimum corruption players could achieve throughout the updates, and a maximum). And use things like drunk, high, arousal only on a daily basis for the events within a day. You could also isolate some event chains like the bathroom scenes. Still you would also need to track her overall state. It's kind of unlogical if she does a hobo gangbang in a dark alley but reacts prude if some of the brother peep on her. Oh so many things to keep in mind.
 
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5.00 star(s) 2 Votes