I think one of L&P's major problems is that he seems to have isolated himself from a few voices who tell him what he Needs to know, versus what he Wants to hear (the dangers of surrounding yourself or only paying heed to the equivalent of 'yes men').
I think you are right about the scene needing rework.
IF AWAM was actually written well past this point - story boarded so that the boundaries and major plot points of each scene were already created - then running the next several PDs past a few trusted advisors is essential to getting good feedback and avoiding the 'Oh Shit!!' moments like the Twist (Dylan as the bad guy for setting up Sophia for Aiden's blackmail) or the way this scene seems to be 'flowing.'
Anytime I create a complex work product, I run it by several people who I trust to tell me what I need to know versus - 'hey - gave it a 5 second glance and you are good.'
I consider all the feedback I am given, and I make changes as needed, based on that feedback and the rationale provided by those who reviewed my work... working in a vacuum (soliciting no feedback or alternate perspectives) creates all kinds of blind spots and this is something L&P Should know since he is no longer a novice creator.
This is L&P's work product and his livelihood... so getting the perspectives of people who don't think the way he does is Critical to creating a better work product.
interestingly enough - creating a team and building trust among team members can create some of those trusted advisors who can help the Team, and L&P, avoid the pitfalls he is stumbling over... who knew??
Cheers!