- May 4, 2017
- 419
- 529
There is a little something called suspension of disbelief, not everything in a story needs to be extremely realistic to be believable or enjoyable, but L&P totally breaks that. He wants things to be realistic but goes on to progress the story with things that would be unrealistic first.There's an inherent conflict in his storytelling. He wants to tell a believable story of a good, straitlaced, woman's corruption. But it has to happen over (roughly) 30 days. Therein lies the original flaw of the story. How do you tell a believable story of corruption when the woman starts very sexually conservative (not a nun, but definitely conservative) and you only have 30 days to corrupt her? Oh, and you want this to be an incest story?
That kind of story would be hard for even a professional writer, and L&P is definitely an amateur. That isn't a criticism, it's just acknowledging the truth- it doesn't make him a bad guy. Story progression/pacing has been very uneven; when it's good it's really good, but for some characters/storylines there has been very little progression despite years of effort. Since we're now on day 12 (roughly into Act II) I do believe that the story is gaining some momentum, but man...it's taking a long time.
And that leads me to the elephant in the room- the development cycles. L&P is trying to tell a story of believable corruption, from a sexually conservative woman, over 30 days, which will lead to her cheating and/or engaging in incest, while releasing updates two or three times a year. That is a brutal combination. Each update needs to simultaneously move the story quickly to meet the 30 day deadline, while moving it slowly to maintain the image that a woman like Sophia wouldn't cheat overnight, all while releasing a 45 minutes of gameplay update ever 4+ months. The most professional writer in the world, with the best organization, would struggle to make this work.
Like I mentioned the MC has by far the most content with her daughter, followed by the son, but has a hard time even thinking about doing something with another character who is not related to her.
Now if you want to tell a realistic corruption story of a conservative woman, you don't start first with the thing she would never do and the go on to have her be conflicted about stuff she would "realistically" do first.
That's like having your character kill someone, but then have them be conflicted about hitting an asshole. Essentially giving them the courage to do something really big and the take it away for smaller stuff.
One does not need to be a professional writer to see that, that is terrible story telling.