I've just concocted a little story in my head to help me sleep better at night. I goes like this:
The dad helps both twins take out student loans. Tells them, "I'll cosign for you, since you each haven't got a decent credit rating yet." They're like, "Cool dad, we always thought you were an asshole, but this is really great, you helping us out for our future and all, not many parents do that, very big of you!".
But instead of getting a loan made out to the school (at least for Maya), the dad does a sneaky and organizes a cash loan for Maya, and places the money in an account made out to him (for safe keeping). Maya thinks nothing of it because she's really just a ditsy kid, until he raises his ultimatum.
"Ok, you cunt munching dyke (forgive me God for the harsh language, but my daughter hath so sinnethed), you're now a fuckload in debt, and I control the cash. You need to stop seeing this Josy Jezebel (Revelation 2:20) or God help me (and I pray to him every day so I know he will), I will not give you access to this money, leaving you no money for college, and deeply in debt. I will ruin your entire future and laugh, haha! Do you hear me Bitch!
To which their mother (Nora it seems) tries to chime in, "But honey, as the cosigner, aren't you ultimately responsible..." but she is harshly rebuked by the father, "Silence bitch! Do you need another lesson from my belt? I am trying to save our daughter's soul here, and you would see her cast into the eternal fires of Hell!?"
Nora then mumbles under her breath, "Fuck you asshole, I'm off to MacAllens to get fucked like you never could fuck me..." Hearing his wife muttering the father bellows, "What are you saying there you whore!? So help me I will whip you unto an inch of your life".
Witnessing all of this, the twins turn to each other and Maya speaks, "What was Mom saying about the responsibility of the loan?" to which Derek ponders, "Fucked if I know, and it looks like you're fucked too." Then they hug each other and start reciting their mantra, "Always and ever."
Seeing the twins reciting some pagan passage, the father responds, "That doesn't sound like the the Our Father to me! Get on your knees now family!" Nora perks up a bit, "Oooh, I like where this is going..." but the father dashes her hopes, "and pray you brazzen harlot! Lord give me the strength to endure this family and bring them to the gates of Heaven!
Then they all take a bow, the curtain draws and the audience goes wild!
See, it doesn't take much to make sense of the whole co-signed loan thing, just a little imagination.
