VN Ren'Py Abandoned Broken Hearts Club [Ep. 1-2 v0.2.1] [PsychIntent]

[seamanq]

Shane cannot be a daughter too ?

I appreciate the request, but on the other hand, I have to deal with all of the contingencies, and being a novice game developer, as well as seeing how it has gone when other developers start with too ambitious of a goal, I know that I need to keep the game within limits so that I can deliver quality content for all of the potential character lines. I had to pick one "set" of kids for the daughter role and one "set" as potential nieces to keep things manageable. That being said, Shane is one of my favorite characters, and I am already scheming to make a spinoff just for her, if I get enough support on Patreon to justify it. My goal with any VN that I create is to start small, promise small, and deliver big. I think that fans will reward me for having that attitude.

 

[Mrs Delington]

I appreciate the request, but on the other hand, I have to deal with all of the contingencies, and being a novice game developer, as well as seeing how it has gone when other developers start with too ambitious of a goal, I know that I need to keep the game within limits so that I can deliver quality content for all of the potential character lines. I had to pick one "set" of kids for the daughter role and one "set" as potential nieces to keep things manageable. That being said, Shane is one of my favorite characters, and I am already scheming to make a spinoff just for her, if I get enough support on Patreon to justify it. My goal with any VN that I create is to start small, promise small, and deliver big. I think that fans will reward me for having that attitude.

Don't worry seamanq, it was more a question, because I am currently configuring the characters and their roles. So it is was I asked, just to be sure to not fuck up the story with roles that doesn't fit. Thanks !
And yes, her body is delicious.

 

[jamdan]

Pretty good base to build from, nice at have a "Good Guy" MC. The only thing that is a bit odd is the MC and neighbors are too close too quickly. Could use some gradual relationship building stuff. Is someone really going to call their neighbor they just met when they get drugged and raped? Or let their teen daughter stay at that neighbors house so soon? Or want to sleep with the MC when they let them use their shower? The idea is they all got their hearts broken, it should take some time to open up again and be more trusting of new people, especially men, after that.

Another thing is too many stops/pauses in the writing. "Well, Im like most typical teenagers. You know, we have several" **click** "world class malls around here, so i go and walk and hang out" **click** "with my friends. The beach is really close as well , and i like" **click** " walking along the boardwalk, especially during summer evenings" That should all be in one text box, or have some "..." to let the reader know the sentence continues.

 

[seamanq]

Pretty good base to build from, nice at have a "Good Guy" MC. The only thing that is a bit odd is the MC and neighbors are too close too quickly. Could use some gradual relationship building stuff. Is someone really going to call their neighbor they just met when they get drugged and raped? Or let their teen daughter stay at that neighbors house so soon? Or want to sleep with the MC when they let them use their shower? The idea is they all got their hearts broken, it should take some time to open up again and be more trusting of new people, especially men, after that.

Another thing is too many stops/pauses in the writing. "Well, Im like most typical teenagers. You know, we have several" **click** "world class malls around here, so i go and walk and hang out" **click** "with my friends. The beach is really close as well , and i like" **click** " walking along the boardwalk, especially during summer evenings" That should all be in one text box, or have some "..." to let the reader know the sentence continues.

Sandi's relationship with her mom is broken from the outset. A teenager doesn't have a healthy relationship when they get assaulted and they are terrified to tell their parent. From the story's standpoint, Brenda is her best friend, but she can't find her, and she can't think of anyone off the top of her head that she can get to extract her from the situation as quickly as possible. It is also important to understand that in any story, we don't see all of it, like all of the other interactions that have occurred between the characters "offscreen," but we only see snapshots or snippets.

As far as Shane wanting to sleep with the MC, she's the female equivalent of the horny teenage boy, unfortunately. I think she explains her attraction to the MC quite well, if you read the story. Regarding the amount of text per screen, as I have said this is my very first VN, and I will be learning with the process the things people like/dislike, so that feedback is appreciated. If there are any fellow developers out there, I would welcome guidelines/suggestions on how they approach the amount of text per screen, as it could help me to do a better job developing future episodes.

 

[meanoldman]

As far as Shane wanting to sleep with the MC, she's the female equivalent of the horny teenage boy, unfortunately. I think she explains her attraction to the MC quite well, if you read the story. Regarding the amount of text per screen, as I have said this is my very first VN, and I will be learning with the process the things people like/dislike, so that feedback is appreciated. If there are any fellow developers out there, I would welcome guidelines/suggestions on how they approach the amount of text per screen, as it could help me to do a better job developing future episodes.[/QUOTE]

You've done good. Now Pass me the Coppertone!

 

[Reese286]

Dude. I've been using Daz for just over a month and this is my first complete game. I did work on modifying all of these models. Sandi is based off of Molly, and if you look at Molly, you will see there is scant resemblance between the two because of the work I did to change her. With the exception of Ellen (who is not based on a Daz3D model) I did work on each character to make them look as unique as possible, given my limited experience.

Your efforts are appreciated, Thanks Dev. We are all getting a bit tired of the same models/faces. TR aint hatin, he's just saying. I'm looking forward to the game and watching the story progress. Best of luck, its a good start.

 

[seamanq]

Don't worry seamanq, it was more a question, because I am currently configuring the characters and their roles. So it is was I asked, just to be sure to not fuck up the story with roles that doesn't fit. Thanks !
And yes, her body is delicious.

You won't screw up any of the content in the game if the roles don't fit. Putting any other role than daughter for Sandi and/or niece for Shane won't break anything -- but it also will preclude any development in the story beyond neighbor. I posted the "roles" earlier, and on my next update, I will ask the Moderators to update the OP to include an "Incest" link which will link to my post on here explaining what the roles need to be to see the incest roles defined for this VN.

 

[botc76]

Geez. The way those teens look, incest has been a stable in the family for a few hundred years.

Some of them look as if they are ugly on purpose.

Edit: not trying to be a dick (and failing as usual), I realize the dev is pretty new to rendering and daz3d, but still some of the results just look plain weird and I would have to think hard to find any of the women really attractive..

I mean, Sandy at the dinnertable, looks like something out of Wrong Turn.

 

[Avaron1974]

That sounds like a really shit club, who wants to join a broken hearts club?

Is there not a fluffy kitten club or a chocolate chip cookie club?

I'd even settle for a Shetland Pony club.

 

[DOM76210]

Some comments after walking through the game in its current state:

You used the same color for signaling who was speaking with Ellen and Sandi, plus the police officer during the ER scene. Then Patti the rape counselor shows up, and again the same color. It made it more difficult to follow.

You have a bad tendency to break up text from one screen to the next without the benefit of a sentence ending. Most of those passages should have fit on a single screen. Try to find natural breaks, either a comma or preferably a period.

Don't use LOL, WTF, and J/K as things that people say. This isn't text messaging, but people speaking. Keep text speak to texting.

Mandy looks old. Older than Paula with her skin looking gray.

 

[myuhinny]

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[seamanq]

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The downside of your choices is that they won't make sense in content where "name of school" is inserted into dialogue. Just sayin'. Every choice that is selected at the beginning will be used in one way or another later on in the dialogue.

 

[myuhinny]

@seamanq

I did it more for the LOL. I can always edit to these nuts to these nuts later if needed with the console but Mandy will stay the same except the latest run I changed her age to 100. Sandi is daughter Shane is niece. I noticed it only accepts case sensitive tags like Daughter must be spelled daughter or it won't activate and if someone doesn't notice it they'll have to restart once they notice. I think the only one that I'm most interested in going after is Shane and maybe Sandi but not interested in Mandy at all.

 

[vengefulspirit]

Geez. The way those teens look, incest has been a stable in the family for a few hundred years.

Yeah they look a little proto-human to me as well honestly. Big foreheads and the angular almost beak like jaws. That combined with the standard porn game lips is unsettling.

Seems like the older characters and the MC are fine though, maybe it was an attempt by the dev to distinguish the younger looking characters that didn't quite work out perfectly, which is a shame for me as it distracts from the decent writing.

 

[seamanq]

First of all, this is my first rodeo with VN creation, so I appreciate the comments and suggestions. As you all could see from the release, it was released as 0.9 alpha for a reason. I did not have a chance to have any beta testing (other than my own), so I needed to make sure that there weren't any major errors in the physical game. Beyond that, I also am noting some suggestions regarding the game presentation as well as the story that could be tightened up. I am going to let the game sit out there for a few days to see how many comments I get, and then I will do some fine tuning of the game that will incorporate comments made. Keep the comments coming, and be assured that I will read them all.

 

[Skrim72]

Great start! Good story, nice artwork, I even like the promo at the end. I really like being able to customize relationship/age of the characters. I'm looking forward to additional chapters. keep up the great work.

 

[seamanq]

@seamanq

I did it more for the LOL. I can always edit to these nuts to these nuts later if needed with the console but Mandy will stay the same except the latest run I changed her age to 100. Sandi is daughter Shane is niece. I noticed it only accepts case sensitive tags like Daughter must be spelled daughter or it won't activate and if someone doesn't notice it they'll have to restart once they notice. I think the only one that I'm most interested in going after is Shane and maybe Sandi but not interested in Mandy at all.

I appreciate your opinion. I think Mandy is my response to every other VN that I see where all of the characters are either anorexic, perfect hourglass figures, or DDDDD cups (or some combination thereof). Mandy takes after her father's side of the family (her dad is Latino), thus the larger hips and the darker complexion. And for anyone who argues that she looks too dissimlar to her sister Shane, the split in appearance between the two actually comes from the two daughters of a friend of mine who look very similar, with one taking after her European mom, and the other looking significantly darker and like her Latino dad. There's backstory here that hasn't quite been fully developed, but it has influenced many of the decisions and will continue to do so as the story progresses.

 

[sedin]

well, the girl somehow reminds me...

 

[vir_cotto]

So, looking at the name, can we expect romance story?

 

[ThunderRob]

well, the girl somehow reminds me...
View attachment 218548

that is why i sat and waited..HAHAAA!!!..fortunately..later on tanline asian?(she looks asian..yumyum) hottie appears to wash away all my fears