VN Ren'Py Broken Promises [v0.34] [Light Cavalry]

[KiichiYakuza]

I think you doing everything could be a blessing in disguise anyway. Obviously it's a lot of work for you but I think it might be easier to form the story since you are both making the renders and writing and planning the story so it will be easier to make everything flow better.

I don't know anything about your ex writer but I'm assuming he has experience writing books but none writing a V.N hence all the obnoxious inner monologues which would be fine in a book but not a V.N where you can actually see renders of the characters so the monologues are not needed.

I'm glad we will get the option to tell her off for good it was one of the things that annoyed me and reading her thoughts destroyed any interest I had in her as well and made her seem like a horrible person anyway in my opinion.

"I'm glad we will get the option to tell her off for good it was one of the things that annoyed me and reading her thoughts destroyed any interest I had in her as well and made her seem like a horrible person anyway in my opinion."
that's the one that was getting off remembering how much she enjoyed getting plowed in the hotel room while her cheating lovers wife was in the next room?

 

[Rinbael]

that's the one that was getting off remembering how much she enjoyed getting plowed in the hotel room while her cheating lovers wife was in the next room?

No it's the slutty teacher thinking about how she chooses a freshmen every year to try and fuck and how much she enjoys cheating on her husband.

 

[Bay7]

Thanks

I honestly think I might just remove all of it the inner monologues, I'm still thinking about it however it's defiently getting a cool down by a lot

I won't insult you, not who I am lol, unless me and you want an insult battle which in that case let's have at it
You'll get the option to tell her off here for good

I wouldn't recommend completely removing the inner monologues, but rather reducing them, especially the thirsty thoughts of the girls. Imo they can be useful to disclose any important information to the players that the LIs cant show/tell to the MC at that moment. Also they can be useful in the third-person scenes where MC is not present.

 

[KiichiYakuza]

No it's the slutty teacher thinking about how she chooses a freshmen every year to try and fuck and how much she enjoys cheating on her husband.

jesus christ...
right..
okay...
thanks
I don't get the appeal of characters like that in a harem themed game...
"time to try a new game , uu this looks nice , let's see
1st LI "oh I almost came remmebering how he used to fuck me in the hotel room"
2dn LI " oh I need to fuck a new freshmen this year"
...................
After reading comments and asking around I'm glad I didn't try the game , but I'm curious to see the changes Knight will make and will probably give it a go after chapter 2.
EDIT : I'm not saying that there's something wrong with those types of characters or people liking them...but they don't fit in a fantasy where the dream is basically quite a few women who are for MC.

 

[Rinbael]

2dn LI " oh I need to fuck a new freshmen this year"

The worst thing is if you chose to turn her down the previous writer calls you a beta in game for doing so just to annoy people even more if you don't like her.

 

[KiichiYakuza]

The worst thing is if you chose to turn her down the previous writer calls you a beta in game for doing so just to annoy people even more if you don't like her.

what the actual fuck...
seriously???
wow...mkay... that's .. I don't have any words..actually I do but I rather keep them for myself xD
EDIT : to be honest if I would have tried the game , right there would have been one of my breaking points and would have dropped the game.

 

[Rinbael]

what the actual fuck...
seriously???
wow...mkay... that's .. I don't have any words..actually I do but I rather keep them for myself xD

Yeah well there is no point in saying anything more anyway since I'm assuming most of the writing is going to be changed so there is no point in talking about it more.

 

[KiichiYakuza]

Yeah well there is no point in saying anything more anyway since I'm assuming most of the writing is going to be changed so there is no point in talking about it more.

let's hope so

 

[Knight_BP]

Yeah well there is no point in saying anything more anyway since I'm assuming most of the writing is going to be changed so there is no point in talking about it more.

We'll see, fingers crossed. The inner monoluges will be reduced however when the charachters are alone, like in chapter 1 you get to heear what's going on with them and how sad they are.

If I made any sense there I was basically saying, there will still be those scenes where they're gonna think about how their day went and shit and how they're life is going. But in chapter 2 that will change and will be reduced to level of BaDIK kind of. I hope I made sense there, but like I said the monoluges will get reduced a lot. Which means the game gets shorter and less lore but it's enjoyable I hope.

 

[Rinbael]

We'll see, fingers crossed. The inner monoluges will be reduced however when the charachters are alone, like in chapter 1 you get to heear what's going on with them and how sad they are.

If I made any sense there I was basically saying, there will still be those scenes where they're gonna think about how their day went and shit and how they're life is going. But in chapter 2 that will change and will be reduced to level of BaDIK kind of. I hope I made sense there, but like I said the monoluges will get reduced a lot. Which means the game gets shorter and less lore but it's enjoyable I hope.

Yeah as long as they are going to be reduced I think it will be fine. I can only speak for myself but I personally prefer story over anything else and when a game has so much pointless story that a person like me just closes the game I think it could be an issue.

Being a Dik level in regards to inner monologues is a good level to aim for I think. In my opinion I don't think it makes the game "shorter" if you trim a lot of the pointless fat from the story like the monologues that do nothing but drag the story out and bore people playing the game.

I personally think it takes away all suspense from the story if the MC is like Professor Xavier and can read every characters thoughts and see everything happening even if he isn't there.

 

[sdawg1234]

Man, this game has been plagued with setbacks since the start. Credit to Knight for sticking with it through all of it but, it will also be released at a slower pace than it already was on. Sucks because I really enjoyed what was already there and looking forward to the update soon. Best of luck to you Knight all we can do is wait and see what happens in the future.

 

[Osamabeenfappin]

Knight_BP

The inner monologue's aren't a problem for me. It's when they repeat the same ideas,but with different words that it gets .... aggravating. Like we get it every LI,you're going through some things.

Honestly I'd leave chapter 1 alone right now,and concentrate on moving forward.

 

[Knight_BP]

Knight_BP

The inner monologue's aren't a problem for me. It's when they repeat the same ideas,but with different words that it gets .... aggravating.

Honestly I'd leave chapter 1 alone right now,and concentrate on moving forward.

Okay, That's what I'm planning to, I plan to finish Chapter 2 first and then adjust a few things in Chapter 1. Shouldn't take that long I hope

 

[Sngo]

Just right now I’m kind of in anxious because I’m doing this solo but I have a feeling of relief too. Since even my writer didn’t like how I stepped in and wanted him to change a few things he was too stubborn.

But now I can put my ideas and my original vision of Chapter 1. Granted my writing might not be A class. But I’d he doing it with love of my characters and by experience of playing a lot of AVN’s and understanding how a game is good. Granted I will probably miss the mark a lot or a few times but at least i’m trying

Honestly would not mind giving another try at it, i had already put the game on ignore and would continue like that if the writer was the same but since it isn't I'm willing to try again.

Still would like to ask if teacher being a slut and the other(Grace?) the lawyer that loves to think about being plowed by the old fart will be changed too or will keep the same because that was the breaking points for me.

I do like inner monologues of LI if it does not goes overboard, it's interesting to see what his in their minds sometimes but inner monologues like the ones from the two i mentioned above are just a turn off and not fun.

You do your game in your own vision, I'm not asking to change anything but since the writer was changed my question is only to know if I will give a second oportunity to it or not because that 2 "broke" the game for me .

Regardless of the answer I wish you the best luck in your vn even if I decide to play it or not.

 

[Nurikabe]

You know what they say about opinions...

That being said, the inner monologues add detail and a level of sophistication that most VNs lack. There are games that take it too far, as well. One of my favorite VNs, Summer Scent, uses the inner monologue and quite literally repeats the entire day or scene — as if the author thinks the reader isn't going to understand the subtle parts of the story. That is obviously too far.

In this VN, the major gripe regarding inner monologue (or phone conversations) is understanding when each is occurring. There are some people that don't like it at all. [Although, my guess is they prefer to not read longer text or exposition (as a generalization).]

From demo to the first update, there were significant improvements in the text, including the improvement of inner thoughts and differentiation of types of text (thoughts, verbal communication, phone conversation, etc.). Reading the positive reviews, the majority of them mention the high-quality story. That says a lot about the difference between a 3-star and a 5-star VN.

It is impossible to please everyone, especially in this community. My opinion, for what its worth, would be to caution against dumbing down the story. A person can always skip past text they don't want to read. But you will not get another chance to tell the story you want. This VN currently sits firmly in the top dozen or so VNs available on this site. That is due to the story, exposition, and character development, as well as excellent visuals. After all, they are called Visual Novels.

 

[Havenless_]

Okay, That's what I'm planning to, I plan to finish Chapter 2 first and then adjust a few things in Chapter 1. Shouldn't take that long I hope

I'm glad to hear that.
You know what they say:

If you want something done right...

 

[ZagorTeNay]

I’ll edit chapter 1 but the question however is when can I? I’m currently trying to get the next update out but the dialogue of chapter 1 will change that’s for sure.


Now I’d like for you guys to actually give criticism here so I can understand much better why you guys didn’t like the dialogue more. I know monologues from love interests and such will be toned down. Also making the MC more of a man instead of a kid.

Did you play "Chasing Sunsets"? ( MC in both games, are very similar...but they probably use mostly unmodified Daz Model, like in False Hero).
Imo it's one of the better written VNs here, and kind of similar in how main characters all have strong personal/emotional issues to overcome, but it delivers it more naturally through dialogue, more slowly and occassionally showcasing scenes from the past ( "flashbacks").
This way there is a sense of mystery and better sense of "build up" with the characters.
So instead of Alice having that long scene in the apartment where through her monologue she directly narrates about being neglected by her mother, you'd first show some hints of this through dialogue with MC and other characters ( and reactions through facial expressions), flashbacks of her past, and then later on, it would be more directly revealed.
This gets readers more "hooked" into characters, instead of telling them everything all at once ( like with Alfina).

 

[Knight_BP]

Did you play "Chasing Sunsets"? ( MC in both games, are very similar...but they probably use mostly unmodified Daz Model, like in False Hero).
Imo it's one of the better written VNs here, and kind of similar in how main characters all have strong personal/emotional issues to overcome, but it delivers it more naturally through dialogue, more slowly and occassionally showcasing scenes from the past ( "flashbacks").
This way there is a sense of mystery and better sense of "build up" with the characters.
So instead of Alice having that long scene in the apartment where through her monologue she directly narrates about being neglected by her mother, you'd first show some hints of this through dialogue with MC and other characters ( and reactions through facial expressions), flashbacks of her past, and then later on, it would be more directly revealed.
This gets readers more "hooked" into characters, instead of telling them everything all at once ( like with Alfina).

That actually helps me quite a bit, thanks for the feedback!

 

[Ragnar]

I don't get the appeal of characters like that in a harem themed game...

No Harem tag here so you have to stick to one girl.

 

[EJW]

That actually helps me quite a bit, thanks for the feedback!

I would go to their chat and look up flashback. Not everybody likes the flashbacks. Especially sex scenes without mc. I know it is not NTR, but people will say something. Just a heads up.