VN Ren'Py Broken Promises [v0.34] [Light Cavalry]

[Rinbael]

I chose to compliment her (I might be wrong, but I think the option was to compliment her, not flirt with her, which is not the same thing) and she brings it up when you tell them about the group chat or whatever that was and they laugh about the MC's "pick up lines".
I took it as a joke, but I guess some people think she was serious about it and in that context I can see how she can come off as pretentious. To me it was just a bunch of young girls being immature and the MC let it slide, because it was his first day there and there was no reason for him to make "enemies" right away.
Now if this end up being a recurring (bad) joke, that will be a different story and I'll agree they're acting like cunts, but so far I don't see why that would be a thing.

*I'm talking about Afina and Alice. Brie can fuck off. She's probably the token bisexual who's already after one of the other LIs (in this case Alice) and comes as a "package deal" with her anyway, so I'm not interersted in her in the slightest.

I just checked and your right the choice is to compliment her not flirt with her. I can see why people might get annoyed with her reaction and I agree that she can come across as pretentious to some people by assuming the MC is trying to flirt with her but going as far as wanting a choice to plan revenge is too much in my opinion though I agree it was just young girls being immature.

Them joking about the MC's pick up lines was just banter to me but I can see why people might get annoyed by it though I don't agree with them.

I'm only really interested in Tianna so far anyway so I don't really give a shit about the other characters.

 

[Knight_BP]

Didn’t expect this to well become a thing haha, I put that choice there because I wanted to show that the girls won’t jump on you straight away. You were not meant to compliment Alice right away, my intention was that you should save your flirting for later and get to know her.

I’m adding some of the feedback I’ve gotten and rewrote a few parts to make the LI’s more likeable.

After reading everyone’s feedback I’m gonna have to add more scenes from by the looks of it and add depth to the love interests. I didn’t expect Ch.1 especially as this is the first time writing for my game.

 

[xinkala]

Didn’t expect this to well become a thing haha, I put that choice there because I wanted to show that the girls won’t jump on you straight away. You were not meant to compliment Alice right away, my intention was that you should save your flirting for later and get to know her.

I’m adding some of the feedback I’ve gotten and rewrote a few parts to make the LI’s more likeable.

After reading everyone’s feedback I’m gonna have to add more scenes from by the looks of it and add depth to the love interests. I didn’t expect Ch.1 especially as this is the first time writing for my game.

Oh we were not supposed to flirt with her?
Oops..

 

[Canto Forte]

We are right to assume that girls do bad boy stuff with bad boys. We are also right to assume unless MC shows bad boy behavior, they will stick to their drug dealing bad boys/girls oooops, spoiler and play MC for a fool.

Just as was discussed, girls in that group punch+grope+molest+bad mouth other girls to get into their pants,
so if that is the only way to show interest or affection, MC has to fit in, be like them and act the part, or else.

 

[Rinbael]

Didn’t expect this to well become a thing haha, I put that choice there because I wanted to show that the girls won’t jump on you straight away. You were not meant to flirt with Alice right away, my intention was that you should save your flirting for later and get to know her.

I’m adding some of the feedback I’ve gotten and rewrote a few parts to make the LI’s more likeable.

After reading everyone’s feedback I’m gonna have to add more scenes from by the looks of it and add depth to the love interests. I didn’t expect Ch.1 especially as this is the first time writing for my game.

It's your game and you are the one in charge of it. So all I want to say to you is don't get bogged down going back and rewriting previous parts or adding stuff in to previous parts based on people's feedback and instead focus on future content or you are going to end up with a mess of a story and get stuck in a loop messing with previous chapters and never moving the story forward.

I've seen it happen to so many VN's before and it will be worse for you because of all the problems you have had before. By all means use these forums to get an idea of where people think the story is but don't change things because a few people didn't like something.

 

[DetroitAfterDark]

How's the reworked version? Wasn't too fond of the original version, it felt more like a multi protagonist game and to me most of the time the MC felt like a background character with most of the story focusing on shit that had nothing to do with the MC.

 

[Vidal the king of Pervert]

Didn’t expect this to well become a thing haha, I put that choice there because I wanted to show that the girls won’t jump on you straight away. You were not meant to compliment Alice right away, my intention was that you should save your flirting for later and get to know her.

I’m adding some of the feedback I’ve gotten and rewrote a few parts to make the LI’s more likeable.

After reading everyone’s feedback I’m gonna have to add more scenes from by the looks of it and add depth to the love interests. I didn’t expect Ch.1 especially as this is the first time writing for my game.

I knew it I knew I was right and you guys made me doubt myself but I was right

Knight_BP I was right I was right you see I was right

score one for me

I'm sorry I'm just never right about anything

 

[Vidal the king of Pervert]

How's the reworked version? Wasn't too fond of the original version, it felt more like a multi protagonist game and to me most of the time the MC felt like a background character with most of the story focusing on shit that had nothing to do with the MC.

really can't say the game is just getting started
but I would say play it and just give it a chance and see how the story develops

 

[MisterNephilim]

Didn’t expect this to well become a thing haha, I put that choice there because I wanted to show that the girls won’t jump on you straight away. You were not meant to compliment Alice right away, my intention was that you should save your flirting for later and get to know her.

I’m adding some of the feedback I’ve gotten and rewrote a few parts to make the LI’s more likeable.

After reading everyone’s feedback I’m gonna have to add more scenes from by the looks of it and add depth to the love interests. I didn’t expect Ch.1 especially as this is the first time writing for my game.

Personally, I don't think that you "need" to add more scenes to Ch.1, maybe expand on the LI in later episodes, but at the moment they are basically strangers that you just met on day 1 of college, so I doubt that they will tell all their hopes and aspirations on the first 15 minutes of meeting.

But that's just me.

 

[Vidal the king of Pervert]

Personally, I don't think that you "need" to add more scenes to Ch.1, maybe expand on the LI in later episodes, but at the moment they are basically strangers that you just met on day 1 of college, so I doubt that they will tell all their hopes and aspirations on the first 15 minutes of meeting.

But that's just me.

exactly Knight_BP episode 1 was good you don't need to know everything about the girls in episode 1

I mean it would be kind of creepy if a girl tells you her entire life story after we only know her for

one day take your time and enjoy writing the story

and have the relationship build up naturally over time

writing a good story is a marathon not a race

and for me I'm not into girls that are instantly in love with me


don't forget taking feedback is good but it doesn't mean anything if you're not happy with the story you're writing

as long as you are happy with the story that's all that matters

 

[UncleFredo]

exactly Knight_BP episode 1 was good you don't need to know everything about the girls in episode 1
...
...
writing a good story is a marathon not a race

and for me I'm not into girls that are instantly in love with me

don't forget taking feedback is good but it doesn't mean anything if you're not happy with the story you're writing

as long as you are happy with the story that's all that matters

Agree with most of these - but be honest brother. If she's the RIGHT girl you'll be as accepting of instant love as I am.
I know it's a cliche but sometimes love at first sight is a real thing.

 

[Knight_BP]

It was my poor planning, I do my best with feedback, but sometimes some of the feedback hurts haha

But it's necessary and running away from isn't gonna fix the problem. I am slowly building the story

Because of everyone feedback I feel more motivated to work on my story

 

[Vidal the king of Pervert]

It was my poor planning, I do my best with feedback, but sometimes some of the feedback hurts haha

But it's necessary and running away from isn't gonna fix the problem. I am slowly building the story

Because of everyone feedback I feel more motivated to work on my story

Knight_BP
ooh do not misunderstand me my beloved brother

I am a die-hard romantic

I actually believe in love at first sight

more than anything in the entire world

from the very first moment I saw Bri I was like I'm going to marry you and have babies with you even if it kills me

but on a side note I'm not into threesomes

please tell me I won't have to share Bri with anyone else I want to keep her all to myself


and yes I do believe you answer this question already but I have a bad memory

 

[Knight_BP]

Vivat Imperatoris Cheers for the feedback again, I'm currently rewriting that part, it's bothered me not gonna lie, because that's out of charachter even for Alice, the ones that are supposed to be a bitch is Brie not Alice

I made a simple mistake that i'm gonna fix, my intention was to well you know show that she isn't easy, but I found a different way to show that without her being an asshole, not the MC parts I'll sort that out next chapter, I have a few scenes in mind that shows that the MC isn't submissive

You probably wondering if I'll rewrite more, I won't. This is the only exception because of how I wrote Alice as a charachter, don't want her to be seen in that light, my inspration for Alice was from Jill from Being a DIK. I also want to edit this because I don't want the future players to see Alice in a bad light of course you haven't seen a lot of her but still this first impression is bad.

Anwyays, I'll be releasing a edited updated for Alice dialouge and the classroom

 

[Bhaiyajii19]

Blackeye. Can you port this game??

 

[Yeronimo_22]

Blackeye. Can you port this game??

he already did port this one, go to his discord

 

[DeUglyOne]

Vivat Imperatoris Cheers for the feedback again, I'm currently rewriting that part, it's bothered me not gonna lie, because that's out of charachter even for Alice, the ones that are supposed to be a bitch is Brie not Alice

I made a simple mistake that i'm gonna fix, my intention was to well you know show that she isn't easy, but I found a different way to show that without her being an asshole, not the MC parts I'll sort that out next chapter, I have a few scenes in mind that shows that the MC isn't submissive

You probably wondering if I'll rewrite more, I won't. This is the only exception because of how I wrote Alice as a charachter, don't want her to be seen in that light, my inspration for Alice was from Jill from Being a DIK. I also want to edit this because I don't want the future players to see Alice in a bad light of course you haven't seen a lot of her but still this first impression is bad.

Anwyays, I'll be releasing a edited updated for Alice dialouge and the classroom

This one had been on my ignore list since reading the comments on the first release. Spied it again on the updates page and noticed the "Rework" so I thought I'd take another look. I read through the entire thread and man, you've been through some shit. It's good to see that you've taken back control and have changed it back to your original vision for the game.

I'm one of those that "once it's been seen, it can't be unseen", so I'll be downloading and trying it once you've done the edits.
From the sounds of it so far it sounds like I should enjoy it. Thanks!

 

[Knight_BP]

This one had been on my ignore list since reading the comments on the first release. Spied it again on the updates page and noticed the "Rework" so I thought I'd take another look. I read through the entire thread and man, you've been through some shit. It's good to see that you've taken back control and have changed it back to your original vision for the game.

I'm one of those that "once it's been seen, it can't be unseen", so I'll be downloading and trying it once you've done the edits.
From the sounds of it so far it sounds like I should enjoy it. Thanks!

I hope you enjoy it, I understand some things can’t be unseen but the least I can do is fix it

this project means a lot to me so I’ll do what I can to make this likeable but at the end of the day it’s my vision now, not any writer will take control over the game ever again

 

[Vivat Imperatoris]

Vivat Imperatoris Cheers for the feedback again, I'm currently rewriting that part, it's bothered me not gonna lie, because that's out of charachter even for Alice, the ones that are supposed to be a bitch is Brie not Alice

I made a simple mistake that i'm gonna fix, my intention was to well you know show that she isn't easy, but I found a different way to show that without her being an asshole, not the MC parts I'll sort that out next chapter, I have a few scenes in mind that shows that the MC isn't submissive

You probably wondering if I'll rewrite more, I won't. This is the only exception because of how I wrote Alice as a charachter, don't want her to be seen in that light, my inspration for Alice was from Jill from Being a DIK. I also want to edit this because I don't want the future players to see Alice in a bad light of course you haven't seen a lot of her but still this first impression is bad.

Anwyays, I'll be releasing a edited updated for Alice dialouge and the classroom

Gladly! I'm looking forward to seeing how you've changed Alice, and I hope the MC really does become a little less submissive in future updates.

I don't think you need to change anything else either. The MC needs to be a bit more dominant (e.g. Grace scene or classroom) and Alice should be different.

I think it's good that you're making these changes because first impressions are often crucial.

I look forward to seeing what you can achieve in the future! With the next updates.

 

[DetroitAfterDark]

Here's a heads up the android version is broken(pun intended) it's just text with a black screen and no images.