yeah if that is your example than its not beating in a context of 3d porn (interesting move involving real life in this, doesnt work though), and Im pretty sure looking at actual scene it would be clear as day that author's intent was to show humiliation. and again that is the difference, bottr doesnt show humiliation, it shows person being brutally injured, gradually, and finished after there is nothing left of her.
Real life was involved from the start, since if you remember the original point was the real life sex of DL - you assumed that cannot be a woman because your parameters say that a woman cannot be so violent to another woman in a fantasy, thus, you actually bridged the reality with fantasy as well.
Plus, past a certain level, violence is violence, you are free to try to differentiate it if it makes you feel better, for me what matters is that this is a fantasy world and not the real one.
I may have my taste, so one of the endings of BOTTR I liked because there was the "premonition"/"dream" aspect, otherwise, I am not in guro and I think DL did not use fully the sexual potential in favour of the hitting, and I preferred other endings or would have made mine - but that has to do with taste, not with my sex (to go back to your reasoning), I am a man.
Effectively, you are just trying to force others (me, in this case) to align to what you say and take it as truth because you decide it is, although what you have been doing was only going in circle - you decided it is a man, and therefore are considering everything as a proof.
I have no problems with you and others wanting DL to be a man, but you have provided no information that contradict the information I had received that is a woman.
The "psychological" argument I read till now for that, seem more based on stereotypes and maybe even a bit of political correctness than on background knowledge and experience, and without considering that for DL this is a business - whether a she or a he, makes what knows sells.
When the author is someone that gets a 10USD "buy me a coffee" once every six months or less, it is for fun and self-enjoyment, when it is worth thousand a month over years, it is a business and must be considered as such.