My experience is probably non-typical, but I find that once intercourse starts, it tends to be the overriding means of intimate relations. I
much prefer the stuff outside of intercourse (oral (both ways), masturbation (multiple ways for both partners), and general closeness/holding/kissing). From my perspective, intercourse kind of means the end/lessening of the real fun stuff, so I don't mind it taking longer to be gotten to.
Hopefully whenever it does happen in the game, it's just another choice and not the
overriding choice for intimacy, then.