Except I'm not trying to open it in a browser. I'm on an android device. I installed the .apk, "browser doesn't support WebGL". Downloaded the .exe version to use with JoiPlay, "browser doesn't support WebGL". wtf gives?
What gives is that you found something relating to a problem you're having, but you're responding to something not directed at you, and from last year.
To make matters worse, you didn't try looking past that where you'd have seen there was more to it than that part where Breadman replied.
Try a search (search engine of your choice, not here) for "webgl android", and see if the results give you an idea of how to fix your issue.