So like what was done with Christina scene where he mentioned that she looks concerned? But avoid the part where Kira (the blue haired girl) mentions somethin as a thought?
I just replayed a raaaandom scene (ok, it was the "threesome" with Kira) to look for an example and found one: At the end she says she won't mention this to Judy, but then you can immediately read her thoughts that state her intention to break her promise.
In my opinion this would be way more impactful if you'd realize she's telling Judy when she actually does so at a later point in the game (though maybe you suspected it before).
Right now there's no moment of relieve that she won't tell Judy because you immediately afterwards are told that she will. The actual scene where she tells now also will likely be more boring, after all we already know how it will go.
The same points go for many of these thoughts, the reason for this could be the update-based nature of this game:
You have this amazing story and you want to show it, but there's only so much you can code so you want to tell stuff that you didn't have time to program yet, after all you don't want people to go "this story is boring and 1-dimensional".
By telling stuff that's going to happen though it means that in future updates where this happens you'll have to tell about more stuff that's going to happen in the future as to not bore the player.
Could just be me, but I prefer plot-twists and unexpected events that I maybe guessed from scarce hints.
Not sure whether changing this style now would make much sense, you're probably better off finishing the story as planned. But please keep this in mind for your next game, I really like your characters and think you could make not only good but great games!
