Quite a lot of positives today. The community came through.
I had been a sometimes “creeper” on these forums at rare times over the last 3 years or so. Never imagined I would want to register nor engage in any conversation within it. Just lookin for links, man - hunting down some sort of cosmic freak I suddenly thought I might need to have to solve my boner. I like art, I like 3D, I like oversized things and overwhelming odds. And I like shit that’s hard to find. I like Led Zeppelin.
I think it was when I began to legitimately fuck with Daz Studio - that I soon recognized, “All that usable material is at F95ZONE. If I wanna fart around with this program, I’m gonna need to bite that bullet. I’m not gonna purchase all this crap before I even know how to USE it for god’s sake. Free me up to FUCK with it!”
So then I got in. And quite quickly I recognized… “This is not some sort of asshat organization. It’s actually a notably fluid and supportive union of idiots like me - who wanna build UP from zero”. Maybe I got lucky with whatever posts I saw early. Maybe I was supposed to get that lucky, eh. But it all looked far more positive than quite a lot of whatever else I’ve seen in recent years. And I felt that magnificently surprising and important to act upon.
-I’m a failed Musician. And a failed Writer. When I say “fail” I mean, I never made no money from any of that. I’ve always been paycheck to paycheck with other things. Swinging the goddamn bat as hard as I can to hit the more valuable ball WELL beyond the fence (which is generally how you strike out, for the record).
Zandalari has afforded this thread the most excellent post possible - and I will not attempt to match it - but yeah, I’ve known that, brother. I’ve been up against the curve since I was born and I do NOT give a flying fuck about “popularity”. I care about etching something that lasts, beyond whatever I am. That’s all I’ve ever tried to do. It’s the only thing worth doing.
And there’s a LOT of other fuckin’ people out there - Picasso’s - just dying to wipe the blackboard clean and go, “Look at this awesomesauce!! Let’s all get renewed!!”
Ya gotta give those people a chance.
“What the fuck are you doing?! There’s two eyes on the same side of the face?!”
“Uh huh. That’s how I want it.”
“Why in the hell would you WANT it like that? Yer a fucking moron. Draw me a night sky with stars, you goddamn idiot.”
And all it cost him was an ear, eh. Now he’s the guy you wish you had met at the party. To include yourself in his “magnificence”, on any level…
-I’m getting long-winded here (as I’m prone to do) so I’ll try an’ stop.
I am not Led Zeppelin. And I’m not Starry Night.
I’m just another dude with an overactive pecker and a strong imagination. I’ve had a fuckton of willpower over the years, and you could not convince me that I will get nothing done. But I have not, in general. Nothing I can hang my hat on and go, “Indisputable. That worked. On a level I can be satisfied by myself. I can point at that, and not be embarrassed.”
In recent years I’ve learned some how to “let all that go,” cuz I’m beginning to become a geezer now. So ya gotta. And there have been some interesting lessons there. Some GOOD ones. About allowance for the cosmos, let things have a chance to work the way they might be meant to - before you insist upon managing all that shit yourself.
-This will be my last effort given out. It’s all I’ve got left (this project). So I certainly want that to matter some, eh. Yup.
Very much appreciate some uplifting support today. Cuz I was generally down in the dumps about it.
-cheers