Well, here I was just doing the same as the above poster! I'll leave what I have right here for you. It only covers the 'pre intro' portion of the game, but should help you to standardize your English. I'm happy to do more if you find this useful. If you don't, I'll just stop.
Opening scenes:
"Never rise your sword..." should be 'raise'
"Almost five hundred years ago now, I've made a mistake..." should be 'I' (So if you want to know why, 'I've' is a contraction for 'I have', present tense. You are using past tense, and you must keep your tense consistent. You could have used 'I'd' for 'I had' but it would feel awkward. Just use 'I made a mistake.')
'...poison in shape of faith.' Should be 'in the shape'
'Five hundred years ago, I've fought...' again, just use 'I' or if you want to emphasize the 'past action', use 'I had fought'
This next isn't strictly incorrect, but it risks people misunderstanding your meaning. In English, pronouns generally refer to the last noun in the previous sentence. So for this one:
'We believe in what we wish to believe, but belief is not what makes you spill blood. It should be comfort...' I *think* you mean to be referring to the word belief, but the phrase 'spill blood' is closest, so some readers will assume you mean 'to spill blood should be comfort.' To avoid that, replace 'it' with 'belief' again.
'But as my wounds got me closer...' You want 'brought me closer' here.
'For what are we but pawns in a larger game, mad whims...' This would read better if you were consistent with the characterization here. 'Pawns' are physical things, 'whims' are ideas. Try 'For what are we but pawns in a larger game, victims of the mad whims of gods..'
'I thought I'd despise my god, but in truth I've despised myself.' The contractions make this unnecessarily awkward. "I thought I despised my god, but in truth I despised myself' is much cleaner.
'For what kind of fool would rise his sword...' Should be 'raise.'
'It was well known that gods commune with their chosen often, but in the end all my god communed to me, was despair.' This sentence is misusing the word 'commune.' Try, 'in the end all my god left me was despair.'
'We often wonder what happens when we die, where do we go? The answer would be nowhere, and nothing.' The answers here are out of order with the question. It's a small thing, but it reads awkwardly. So put them in the order of the questions. 'nothing, and nowhere.'
I'm not gonna bother mentioning my electricity, or the sums I put into purchasing assets from DAZ shop. ( Which in case someone doesn't know, you actually fucking need! )
