Bit on feedback from where I got (the bar, so probably not the furthest). As far as overall presentation goes, it feels like you've got a unique artstyle that's a bit rough around the edges, but with a bit of polish it could genuinely be pretty neat. Also, the Bartender is the best girl. No, I'm definitely not saying that due to her having nice legs and pantyhose (for real though, cute).
1. I really would recommend you to consider a proofreader and/or writer, especially if people are offering to help you for free. It is admirable that you don't want to receive help without compensation, but it really isn't much, plus it could genuinely really help your presentation. After all, if a porn game didn't have text in its lewds, what more would it be than an overly complex CG set to just look up on Sad Panda?
2. It feels like, in its current setup, the prologue is too empty (with the NPCs you can't interact with not really helping), and even exploring the map before spooks doesn't get rewarded enough. How about some NPCs you can interact with that would tell you a tip about the area's purpose in the main game, ex. people mentioning how good the bath house is? That way when you're told to go there, you think "oh shit, I explored the map before and remembered people telling me about the bath house near that wooden-looking building, that's probably the one I have to go to", yet it's a hint that you're totally able to miss for not actually looking through the map.
3. Kinda leads me to my next point, the game feels like you
have to play with the guide on the side, due to a lack of information. It is understandable not to wanna lead a player by the hand, but you totally can do it with dialogue that would make sense organically. The bar is a good example; you've said yourself that the orbs aren't really necessary at this point, and the equipment doesn't feel useful by that point (on top of being purchaseable with the prior rewards alone), so I wouldn't think to grind it 11 times without any knowledge. Nothing really stops you from adding at least a bit of advice in to keep someone pushing, even something like "hey you're doing pretty well, if you keep working hard I might have a fun little bonus for you, if you catch my drift
", same with the big reward before that.
4. Think it's already been mentioned, but the monster spawns in that part of the game are honestly ridiculous, to the point you've pretty much gotta savescum to go anywhere. Handgun ammo probably won't save you from a far too tight path where dodging the enemy is basically RNG (could spot you or walk vertically just as you're passing by, even when you try to time it), and failure could mean a 3-enemy spawn that'll instakill you if you don't escape on your first try.
5. The first part of the game actually has the opposite problem; you keep mentioning how the shadows are dangerous and you should run in the guide, yet you drop them in two hits with the bat, and sometimes don't even take any damage from them, which kinda makes them feel trivial.
6. A lot of the story aspects come so suddenly that they feel like they make no sense. The transition between going down to the basement with your dad and immediately transporting to the spooks was confusing, and it took me a surprisingly long time to realize what was even happening during the first quest that the trader gives you. Some stuff also makes no sense, like how for some reason there's people wearing full-on fantasy armor in the bar (I'm guessing it's RPGM assets, it just doesn't give off a very thematically consistent vibe), but that's more of a minor detail that could get ironed out in later updates even without this.
7. Minor personal issue, but the stock RPGM BGM feels goofier more than anything (especially with the pitch); I'd recommend swapping it out for some better-fitting royalty-free music. I wouldn't recommend Western repositories, mostly since they tend to be so overused in internet media we consume that they'd make it feel like a shitpost more than anything (ex. Kevin MacLeod, as respectable as his work is). I'll admit that it isn't as easy as it sounds to go for those, as a lot of JP royalty-free repositories will actually ban porn games from using their work (if you see restriction of "violating public morals" in the ToS, that's the kiss of death), or will require a usage report (which only puts their eyes on your work, which they might just say no to). I've done research on a bunch for a potential project, and I think the perfect starter is
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. No restrictions, you can use them in commercial products for free, no usage reports, no bullshit; it's also been used by some popular RPGM/WRPGE horror games like Mad Father, so it seems like it could have some fitting stuff.
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is really good too. They require you to credit them if you wanna use it for free, but they specifically allow usage in porn games, and they were used by Succubus Prison (arguably the best horror eroge out there), so they're absolutely gonna have something good.
8. Last issue, but it's so tiny and personal that it might as well be a showcase of my very smooth brain. When you're supposed to move the shelf in the kitchen, it felt really confusing that you'd push it to the left by pushing from the bottom tile, to the point I needed the guide to confirm that. It feels like it could be more logical if you set the trigger to the black mark (more likely to be investigated) with a step back, so that you're dragging it back to the left instead.