VN Ren'Py Finding Mia [v0.1] [Untitled-Goons]

[kuraiken]

You should probably get someone to proofread the writing. There's lots of mistakes and syntax errors, such as missing points.

I'd also advise you to remove the AI-written introduction at the start of the game. It's vague, nebulous, doesn't do anything to create interest or anything and just makes people hyper-conscious of AI usage. There's no benefit to it. It's not well-written, but it's clearly different enough from the other writing for someone like me to easily spot that it was AI written.
No need to "buffer" your story with it, just jump straight into it.

 

[Saugado]

looking good

 

[Dessolos]

of course my favorite model ends up being the Bitchy sister , when she looks like the shy type lol. But I will say I like this game for what it is still a game I put in the play when bored pile tho.

 

[grossegon]

thx

 

[echizen128]

The good news is the renders and character designs are nice, which is probably the most important thing to gain popularity.

The writing is really rough. Errors, a questionable intro device, clunky conversations...it's not good. Fortunately this is something that can be corrected if an effort is made or the right people are brought into the project.

One small thing that would absolutely get me to stop playing is the "head bobbing" effect during conversations by alternating slightly rotated images. Please get rid of that, it's nauseating and unnecessary. If you're concerned that your scenes are flat, get better dialogue or shot composition. There are no substitutes.