- Thread starter skirtchaser
- Start date
- Jul 30, 2020
- 44
- 121
Thank you, it's rare for me to giggle out loud but when I came across that asset I just knew it had to be done
- Aug 23, 2017
- 18
- 10
A Scifi space lesbian story ? I usualy don't go for female protagonist but i am down.
Let's check it out.
Let's check it out.
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- Jul 30, 2020
- 44
- 121
Finally someone who understands me...Hell, amiga, that's pretty much everyone's type -- even hopeless heteros like me! Especially if they're independent, strong, kick ass women. OH, my...
- Aug 23, 2017
- 18
- 10
Good writing, charaters are nice and their personnality come across well even in the few short scenes. My only nitpick would be the use of past time in naration. Tought it fit nicely the soldier journal theme it seems to kill the tension of the scenes for me. Don't know it might just be an acquierred taste. Also maybe a bit more introduction on the MC to help relate to her.
Hangar image is missing, not loading and not in folder, not sure if it's just my download though.
That's good stuff, for a introduction it is plenty good in my book. I will definitly keep an eye out for what comes next.
Good job dev
Hangar image is missing, not loading and not in folder, not sure if it's just my download though.
That's good stuff, for a introduction it is plenty good in my book. I will definitly keep an eye out for what comes next.
Good job dev
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- Jul 30, 2020
- 44
- 121
Thanks for the nice words!Good writing, charaters are nice and their personnality come across well even in the few short scenes. My only nitpick would be the use of past time in naration. Tought it fit nicely the soldier journal theme it seems to kill the tension of the scenes for me. Don't know it might just be an acquierred taste. Also maybe a bit more introduction on the MC to help relate to her.
Hangar image is missing, not loading and not in folder, not sure if it's just my download though.
That's good stuff, for a introduction it is plenty good in my book. I will definitly keep an eye out for what comes next.
Good job dev
I'm torn about the past tense issue, I guess you are right, on the other hand I really like this "noir style" type of writing with foreshadowing and inner monologue.
I will do more writing / rendering on this chapter in v0.2 to flesh things out, I like the idea about the introduction. Actually my plan was to use the party talks to get to learn the characters better, right now it's very linear and I wanted to use that chance to learn more not just about the MC but also the other character backgrounds.
- Aug 23, 2017
- 18
- 10
Yeah it's not without it's merit. It does add the kind of gritty atmosphere of a war story. Maybe try to use more dialogue instead or shorter narative texte in tension and action scenes, to renforce immersion and let action flow more smoothly. Just a suggestion tought.
- Nov 14, 2019
- 111
- 152
OK, Dev, sorry to do this but I spent over 30 years wearing those Goddamn tree suits.
You are creating really good officers. Minimum BS, treat their soldiers well and like adults, zero chickenshit, pretty low egos. Now, for God's sake, give 'em the right rank. LT(s) would not wear what -- in just about any unit in the known universe -- is unmistakably an NCO's chevrons. A black bar (US style) or a couple of black pips (UK and others). See, Sir, you'll get a number of ex or retired military as fans and crap like that just makes us take you less seriously. A little research into the military portion would serve you well. As I said, as a retired officer I really like both LT. Tooth and the Admiral. Both are loose but in control and are secure enough not to have to try and lord that commission over their troops. Your conversation choices are excellent. You've nailed that part, IMO.
I'm also laughing at the fact that these "Space Marines" (a guess) are using weapons that I used 20 years ago. I get it -- assets available in the programs you have. We're used to using 50-60 year old equipment in the military anyway.
I know I'm pickin' fly shit out of pepper but I had to vent. There are other things that make it less than accurate but, hell, artistic license need be recognized to some extent!
You've got a good start here I just want to see it as good as can be.
OK, I feel better: Good Game!
You are creating really good officers. Minimum BS, treat their soldiers well and like adults, zero chickenshit, pretty low egos. Now, for God's sake, give 'em the right rank. LT(s) would not wear what -- in just about any unit in the known universe -- is unmistakably an NCO's chevrons. A black bar (US style) or a couple of black pips (UK and others). See, Sir, you'll get a number of ex or retired military as fans and crap like that just makes us take you less seriously. A little research into the military portion would serve you well. As I said, as a retired officer I really like both LT. Tooth and the Admiral. Both are loose but in control and are secure enough not to have to try and lord that commission over their troops. Your conversation choices are excellent. You've nailed that part, IMO.
I'm also laughing at the fact that these "Space Marines" (a guess) are using weapons that I used 20 years ago. I get it -- assets available in the programs you have. We're used to using 50-60 year old equipment in the military anyway.
I know I'm pickin' fly shit out of pepper but I had to vent. There are other things that make it less than accurate but, hell, artistic license need be recognized to some extent!
You've got a good start here I just want to see it as good as can be.
OK, I feel better: Good Game!
- Jul 30, 2020
- 44
- 121
Haha I get itOK, Dev, sorry to do this but I spent over 30 years wearing those Goddamn tree suits.
You are creating really good officers. Minimum BS, treat their soldiers well and like adults, zero chickenshit, pretty low egos. Now, for God's sake, give 'em the right rank. LT(s) would not wear what -- in just about any unit in the known universe -- is unmistakably an NCO's chevrons. A black bar (US style) or a couple of black pips (UK and others). See, Sir, you'll get a number of ex or retired military as fans and crap like that just makes us take you less seriously. A little research into the military portion would serve you well. As I said, as a retired officer I really like both LT. Tooth and the Admiral. Both are loose but in control and are secure enough not to have to try and lord that commission over their troops. Your conversation choices are excellent. You've nailed that part, IMO.
I'm also laughing at the fact that these "Space Marines" (a guess) are using weapons that I used 20 years ago. I get it -- assets available in the programs you have. We're used to using 50-60 year old equipment in the military anyway.
I know I'm pickin' fly shit out of pepper but I had to vent. There are other things that make it less than accurate but, hell, artistic license need be recognized to some extent!
You've got a good start here I just want to see it as good as can be.
OK, I feel better: Good Game!
I never served (Germany where I live stopped conscripting people three months before I left school ) but even I can see the old guns and uniforms available are meh at best. Actually the bodysuit uniforms that they wear on the ship are all female uniforms adapted to the male characters because that was the best I could find. I'm actually glad that I could at least find a cool uniform for the admiral that seems to fit the space setting quite well. Oh well, I'll have to see if I can do something about rank insignia and stuff, lots to do on all fronts I see
Thanks for the feedback and the nice words!
- Aug 22, 2018
- 25,908
- 89,380
Old saying, never stick your dick in crazy ..... fortunately I don't have a dick so Sarah will be mine.
Writing this as I play so excuse my jumping about. Hanger_1_Denoised seems to be missing. I'm liking what you have here so far, I have a thing for short haired soldier girls so this will definitely be something I keep an eye on. I agree that when you're going with military fiction it's always best to do your best to nail your military details, but that's not a dealbreaker atm.
Welcome to the forum, I'll be interested where you go.
Welcome to the forum, I'll be interested where you go.
- Aug 22, 2018
- 25,908
- 89,380
The lack of dick keeps me out of the loop.FFS Avaron, it's ALWAYS stick your dick in crazy, get it right
Nobody ever tells me what we're sticking things in, I feel so left out of the conversation.
- Jul 30, 2020
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Thank you for the nice words! Yes, I'll do my thing and especially follow my story idea, but there has been lots of great feedback so far that i can think about and implement
- Nov 14, 2019
- 111
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Oh, STWAdev, it's absolutely not a deal-breaker. But the rank thing is a minor fix and in no way impacts the story arc nor the Dev's vision.