VN Ren'Py Friends in Need [Mini-Sode: Blue Valentine] [NeonGhosts]

[Machete]

That could easily mean that he's just fucked her well right now...

Yes, it can be. I took that into consideration. But by the contest i think it actually wants to imply she's an easy girl, a bit on the slut side. Since the Dev visits the forum i would love, out of curiousity, what the line actually meant. I hope we get the answer

 

[ImperialD]

Yes, it can be. I took that into consideration. But by the contest i think it actually wants to imply she's an easy girl, a bit on the slut side. Since the Dev visits the forum i would love, out of curiousity, what the line actually meant. I hope we get the answer

well as long as she's being slutty just for me ..... i won't complain

 

[NeonGhosts]

Yes, it can be. I took that into consideration. But by the contest i think it actually wants to imply she's an easy girl, a bit on the slut side. Since the Dev visits the forum i would love, out of curiousity, what the line actually meant. I hope we get the answer

Master of Puppets has it right, it’s meant more to convey you just fucked Ashe senseless.

One thing about writing sex scenes — you’ve gotta come up with a lot of different adjectives and turns of phrase to describe an act that’s fairly basic (and repetitive) in execution. :’D So, I try out different turns of phrase to keep things fresh. Given that some people are more literal-minded, some people don’t speak English as their first language, and that there exist all kinds of idioms and colloquialisms among the English speaking population, not everything’s going to really translate for everyone.

I had a very nice patron reach out and say I should change some of my weird contractions and verbal abbreviations (it’ll, that’ll, gotta, oughtta, etc.) to the more accurate, grammatically correct versions (it will, that will, got to, ought to) for readability. And like, I get it! But I kind of try to write the way the characters would actually sound in my head.

So tldr; I’m just a quirky writer.

But to drill down on Ashe for a minute, her whole character is kind of meant to be both super kinky, and weirdly conservative. For instance, she’s happy to blow MC in the alley, but doesn’t want to swallow. Odd, that!

This is actually based on a girl I was involved with for a bit who was always thrilled to do anal, but never let me give her a facial or come in her mouth. Like, that was her hard line for what she saw as ‘slut’ behavior. I always found that dichotomy super interesting, and in the next update we’ll learn a bit more about why Ashe is the way she is.

 

[HSHS1111]

a girl I was involved with for a bit who was always thrilled to do anal, but never let me give her a facial or come in her mouth.

Good ol' poophole

You must be registered to see the links

 

[Ottoeight]

I had a very nice patron reach out and say I should change some of my weird contractions and verbal abbreviations (it’ll, that’ll, gotta, oughtta, etc.) to the more accurate, grammatically correct versions (it will, that will, got to, ought to) for readability. And like, I get it! But I kind of try to write the way the characters would actually sound in my head.

You know, I'm a huge Henry James fan, and I've been comparing old versions of his tales/novels with the latter New York edition revised texts and I found out that he consistently introduced grammar contractions when he revised his tales. So, older versions always had "you are", "she could not", "it is" and so on, while the New York edition has "you're", "she couldn't", "it's".

So, since the Master of American literature did it, I guess you can do it too.

 

[Samuel Hidayat]

So far she was just kinda there. Nothing to talk about yet. It's crazy how low they are putting Mason. Not to mention how high Ashe is. Com'on! In her first sex scene she's is literally defined as a very used vagina. She's basically the local cumdump.

Where do you even get this idea of her being the town's bicycle?

 

[Samuel Hidayat]

View attachment 2680817

Well-used
adjective (well used when postpositive)
used or employed often or for a long time; well-worn

Ah, just saw this.

Bruh, "well-used" in that context is MC fucking her senseless.

 

[TigerWolfe]

I had a very nice patron reach out and say I should change some of my weird contractions and verbal abbreviations (it’ll, that’ll, gotta, oughtta, etc.) to the more accurate, grammatically correct versions (it will, that will, got to, ought to) for readability. And like, I get it! But I kind of try to write the way the characters would actually sound in my head.

Dear God please don't listen to that patron! So many AVNs that are in English as their primary language and ostensibly set in America fail to read like anything you'd ever hear a native American English speaker actually say, it's one of the worst immersion killers imo.

 

[Samuel Hidayat]

I had a very nice patron reach out and say I should change some of my weird contractions and verbal abbreviations (it’ll, that’ll, gotta, oughtta, etc.) to the more accurate, grammatically correct versions (it will, that will, got to, ought to) for readability. And like, I get it! But I kind of try to write the way the characters would actually sound in my head.

Thing is, spoken English is usually more casual than written English, especially since the game mostly set in casual settings anyway. Only use the grammatically correct ones if:

• it's a formal/semi-formal setting
• the character(s) loves being proper and polite, like Carolina

Making everyone speaks "correctly" just removes their individuality and worsen your writing in general. Don't follow that guy's advice blindly. Imagine someone like Gabby or Ashe say "ought to" instead of "oughtta." Jarring, ain't it?

 

[Thr3L]

please game dev, in the future, i need to marry nicki, have children with her and live happy ever after <3

 

[Machete]

One thing about writing sex scenes — you’ve gotta come up with a lot of different adjectives and turns of phrase to describe an act that’s fairly basic (and repetitive) in execution. :’D So, I try out different turns of phrase to keep things fresh. Given that some people are more literal-minded, some people don’t speak English as their first language, and that there exist all kinds of idioms and colloquialisms among the English speaking population, not everything’s going to really translate for everyone.

Honestly you are doing a great job so far, on writing style, plot and characterizations, absolutely nothing to complain here The story is enticing, the characters are very distinctive, they work and they have chemistry and each of them has an appropriate registry. No wonder it's one of the games i wait for updates the most.

But i'm curious now. Was i the only one who read the 'well-used cunt' as if Ashe was a slutty girl?

 

[TigerWolfe]

Honestly you are doing a great job so far, on writing style, plot and characterizations, absolutely nothing to complain here The story is enticing, the characters are very distinctive, they work and they have chemistry and each of them has an appropriate registry. No wonder it's one of the games i wait for updates the most.

But i'm curious now. Was i the only one who read the 'well-used cunt' as if Ashe was a slutty girl?

Statistically speaking probably not.
I didn't parse it that way, for what that's worth.

 

[Ragnar]

Honestly you are doing a great job so far, on writing style, plot and characterizations, absolutely nothing to complain here The story is enticing, the characters are very distinctive, they work and they have chemistry and each of them has an appropriate registry. No wonder it's one of the games i wait for updates the most.

But i'm curious now. Was i the only one who read the 'well-used cunt' as if Ashe was a slutty girl?

You have to keep in mind the context of the scene and the overall story. She doesn't react well if you go full flirt on her since the beginning, so she is definitely not a slut. I mean Guy has money and all that but still she only agrees to have sex if he treats her well or if he blackmails her. A slut would fuck Guy the moment she found out he's loaded which is not the case with Ashe.

 

[SlapE]

Honestly you are doing a great job so far, on writing style, plot and characterizations, absolutely nothing to complain here The story is enticing, the characters are very distinctive, they work and they have chemistry and each of them has an appropriate registry. No wonder it's one of the games i wait for updates the most.

But i'm curious now. Was i the only one who read the 'well-used cunt' as if Ashe was a slutty girl?

I didn't take it in the way you're thinking, but I definitely see her as the MC's personal slut, while still being in a loving relationship with each other. (depending on the path of course)

Things that happen in the bedroom aren't always indicative of a person outside of the bedroom. Some people are freaks under the sheets and seemingly very "normal" and reserved elsewhere.

So no I didn't take "well-used cunt" as she's a whore/slut, in the literal sense at least. It's simply just dirty talk, that was conveyed in the midst of passionate rough sex, that's how I perceived it at least.

edit: Yes I know she blew him in an alley-way, but that's after they had already connected to a certain degree and agreed to go back to his place. Also public sex is just another kink after all, and she is a kinky girl as we know.

 

[PHIL101-YYouPPHard]

I had a very nice patron reach out and say I should change some of my weird contractions and verbal abbreviations (it’ll, that’ll, gotta, oughtta, etc.) to the more accurate, grammatically correct versions (it will, that will, got to, ought to) for readability. And like, I get it! But I kind of try to write the way the characters would actually sound in my head.

Dear God please don't listen to that patron! So many AVNs that are in English as their primary language and ostensibly set in America fail to read like anything you'd ever hear a native American English speaker actually say, it's one of the worst immersion killers imo.

Yes, pls, what this guy said! No offense to that patron, but I hate when an AVN has characters speaking like proper english gentlemen from the 18th century or w/e. I've even come across ones where they have children speaking that way It is by far the most jarring, irritating thing that a writer can do with dialogue imo; ffs, I'll take bad bobby's terrible grammar over that any day of the week! This isn't meant to offend or shame anyone or anything, but I have a high suspicion that the writers that do this have some degree of autism and are just hyper-focused on proper grammar because "it's correct", failing to realize that they've actually compromised their dialogue altogether in the process; in other words, missed the forest for the trees! The only situation I could believe someone would speak like that in real life is maybe an uptight grammar teacher or something. Or, again, maybe someone with autism who is focused on grammar.

But i'm curious now. Was i the only one who read the 'well-used cunt' as if Ashe was a slutty girl?

I may have actually, but I honestly don't remember. Really, though, it makes sense to me why someone would interpret it like that, so nothing to worry about Ashe does come off as pretty easy regardless. I mean, yeah, she won't sleep with you unless you make her wet for you, but geez, she sleeps with you the very same night you make her 'giny tingle Porn game logic and necessary pacing are to blame here for sure, but still

 

[Samuel Hidayat]

But i'm curious now. Was i the only one who read the 'well-used cunt' as if Ashe was a slutty girl?

Yes.

Ashe, for now, is a kinky woman who acts slutty for MC or an unwilling victim of MC's abuse.

 

[Pr0GamerJohnny]

Yes, pls, what this guy said! No offense to that patron, but I hate when an AVN has characters speaking like proper english gentlemen from the 18th century or w/e. I've even come across ones where they have children speaking that way It is by far the most jarring, irritating thing that a writer can do with dialogue imo; ffs, I'll take bad bobby's terrible grammar over that any day of the week! This isn't meant to offend or shame anyone or anything, but I have a high suspicion that the writers that do this have some degree of autism and are just hyper-focused on proper grammar because "it's correct", failing to realize that they've actually compromised their dialogue altogether in the process; in other words, missed the forest for the trees! The only situation I could believe someone would speak like that in real life is maybe an uptight grammar teacher or something. Or, again, maybe someone with autism who is focused on grammar.

It's either this or a ton of "Johnny-san what should we do"/"fufufufuufufuf"/"tch tch tch"/"uwuwuwuw"

I'd just prefer games to be like "hey hows it going, you coming over tonight?"

 

[Samuel Hidayat]

It's either this or a ton of "Johnny-san what should we do"/"fufufufuufufuf"/"tch tch tch"/"uwuwuwuw"

I'd just prefer games to be like "hey hows it going, you coming over tonight?"

If NeonGhosts follow the patron's advice, it'll be like, "Hey, how is it going? Are you coming over tonight?"

Small differences, but you can feel how stiff and unnatural it is.

 

[PHIL101-YYouPPHard]

If NeonGhosts follow the patron's advice, it'll be like, "Hey, how is it going? Are you coming over tonight?"

Small differences, but you can feel how stiff and unnatural it is.

"Good evening sir! Might we take a walk on this fine night? Oh, but we ought to finish before supper or mother will have my head!" *crinkles nose into a laugh*

Ok, so, I kinda realize after the fact that my rant on grammar and dialogue was a tad over the top xD But, I genuinely have come across games where the characters speak like that, and that "ought to" from Neon is what triggered that dreadful memory xD It seems to be a favorite among these bad writers.

I've also come across one where a main LI spoke exactly like a robot. And she wasn't an actual robot, btw, it wasn't sci-fi or fantasy or anything like that; nor was it done for quirkiness or a laugh or anything. She just flat out had the most robotic, off-putting, boner-killing dialogue. Really made me feel like I was trying to cyber with the dev. Which in a way is kind of what every AVN is

Anyways, some writers just really have me scratching my head furiously I feel like I've discovered an oasis with this game.

 

[TigerWolfe]

"Good evening sir! Might we take a walk on this fine night? Oh, but we ought to finish before supper or mother will have my head!" *crinkles nose into a laugh*

Ok, so, I kinda realize after the fact that my rant on grammar and dialogue was a tad over the top xD But, I genuinely have come across games where the characters speak like that, and that "ought to" from Neon is what triggered that dreadful memory xD It seems to be a favorite among these bad writers.

I've also come across one where a main LI spoke exactly like a robot. And she wasn't an actual robot, btw, it wasn't sci-fi or fantasy or anything like that; nor was it done for quirkiness or a laugh or anything. She just flat out had the most robotic, off-putting, boner-killing dialogue. Really made me feel like I was trying to cyber with the dev. Which in a way is kind of what every AVN is

Anyways, some writers just really have me scratching my head furiously I feel like I've discovered an oasis with this game.

A lot of it is I think machine translations, without having a natural language proofreader.