VN Ren'Py Friends in Need [Mini-Sode: Blue Valentine] [NeonGhosts]

[Pr0GamerJohnny]

If NeonGhosts follow the patron's advice, it'll be like, "Hey, how is it going? Are you coming over tonight?"

Small differences, but you can feel how stiff and unnatural it is.

A lot of it is I think machine translations, without having a natural language proofreader.

I dunno man, perhaps here, but even when games are normally machine translated, the innate style so many have strongly suggests what phil101 was saying before (meaning it goes beyond just word choice, it's a broader style of conversation) - that's fine on its own, but when it's juxtaposed with any kind of theme I can't imagine a speaker like that doing in 1000 years......

Or said plainly, I don't mind the narrative speaker sounding like a huge dork. I do mind the speaker sounding like that when the story portrays mc as a cooldude.jpg, or chad mcthundercock.

 

[U330661]

A lot of it is I think machine translations, without having a natural language proofreader.

I think you're probably right with the machine-translated idea. It's almost a feature of 'bad' translation systems if the characters still carry over the original pacing and structure, even if it doesn't work in the new language

 

[KGpride5]

You're all mad I tell ya!

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Facts

 

[PHIL101-YYouPPHard]

Or said plainly, I don't mind the narrative speaker sounding like a huge dork. I do mind the speaker sounding like that when the story portrays mc as a cooldude.jpg, or chad mcthundercock.

Oh, man, that's a classic lmfao Nothing worse than when the game's universe and characters are portraying MC as the coolest dude ever, meanwhile it's so apparent to anyone playing that he's a huge dweeb. It blushes me right out of the game to take it off my harddrive. That's a hugely necessary quality for a writer imo, self-awareness and knowing what you can and can't write. Like, don't try to write a funny character if you're not very funny, for example, you're just going to make your audience roll their eyes and move on to something else.

 

[soldano]

The first thing I want to say is that it seems to me a better option for the characters to speak in slang, or with abbreviations, or whatever else suits them.
But as a non-native, I must admit that sometimes it is difficult for me to understand some expressions or non-formal forms.
I don't really remember that happening to me in Friends in Need, but I do remember it happening in some games. Now I don't remember the game name, but there was one in which the MC was black that I found unreadable. I imagine there was some racism there, since it seems very stereotypical to me that a black American has to speak as if he has facial paralysis. But anyway, that's another topic.

 

[Ragnar]

I think the best option is a mix of both. Irl some people use slang while others don't.

 

[Samuel Hidayat]

I think the best option is a mix of both. Irl some people use slang while others don't.

The best option is character dependent. You can't expect Ashe to talk like Carolina, and vice versa.

 

[NeonGhosts]

I probably should've clearly stated that I have no intention of changing the way I write. Honestly, I don't even know that I could. The characters' voices are so cemented in my head that it's hard to write them any other way.

Anyhow! Here's a little teaser for the next installment. <_<

 

[Machete]

I probably should've clearly stated that I have no intention of changing the way I write. Honestly, I don't even know that I could. The characters' voices are so cemented in my head that it's hard to write them any other way.

And i think you shouldn't. Different characters should speak in a different way, i think it's called poliphony, technically As long as the narration has a consistent style character should espress themselves through their speaking registries too.

Time ago i read The First Law trilogy by Abercombie, which is a good reading indeed, but he literally used a completely different registry for each pov chapter on the base of which character the chapter focused on. Cool, but insane Kinda tiresome on the long run.

 

[RC-1138 Boss]

I probably should've clearly stated that I have no intention of changing the way I write. Honestly, I don't even know that I could. The characters' voices are so cemented in my head that it's hard to write them any other way.

Anyhow! Here's a little teaser for the next installment. <_<

View attachment 2683611

Guy is adjusting the camera for doing a OF video?

 

[Rasturac]

Scene looks like it's straight from one of Joey Diaz stories:

We started snorting coke eating ass i mean it was filthy!
I'm waking up, she was naked ,ripped apart ,
i got dressed and got the fuck out ,never saw her again,
even robbed the money ,took everything.

 

[GamerMcGameFace]

Normally when I play a game where you have the option to be a depraved maniac, I play that route. But the “nice” route in this game is actually more interesting. There’s more intrigue and you get extra info out, like Pepper suggesting that the manager is a druggie. She’s actually a sweet girl and makes me feel bad about having the MC brutally rape her the first go around.

 

[allanl9020142]

I had a very nice patron reach out and say I should change some of my weird contractions and verbal abbreviations (it’ll, that’ll, gotta, oughtta, etc.) to the more accurate, grammatically correct versions (it will, that will, got to, ought to) for readability. And like, I get it! But I kind of try to write the way the characters would actually sound in my head.

I'd argue that depending on the context, NOT contracting things reads super awkwardly. At a certain point, it just doesn't sound like real people speaking. Especially when everything else about the sentence is informal.

A: "Can you go to the grocery store?"
B: "Yea, I will go after I beat my meat."
or
B: "Yea, I'll go after I beat my meat."

I don't anyone who speaks like that normally unless they're trying to emphasize the verb.

A: "Did you go the store?"
B: "Yes, I have."

On the flipside, some people take it too far and contract EVERYTHING.

A: "Did you go to the store?"
B: "Yes, I've." (Like what?)

 

[Krynh]

There’s more intrigue and you get extra info out, like Pepper suggesting that the manager is a druggie. She’s actually a sweet girl and makes me feel bad about having the MC brutally rape her the first go around.

So you went to her "Hey Pepper, wanna date? Sorry I raped you in an alternate timeline/unvierse"

 

[Deleted member 2093814]

Good game with some interesting paths in it. Look forward to the next update!

 

[soldano]

And i think you shouldn't. Different characters should speak in a different way, i think it's called poliphony, technically As long as the narration has a consistent style character should espress themselves through their speaking registries too.

Time ago i read The First Law trilogy by Abercombie, which is a good reading indeed, but he literally used a completely different registry for each pov chapter on the base of which character the chapter focused on. Cool, but insane Kinda tiresome on the long run.

"If Glokta had been given the opportunity to torture any one man, any one at all, he would surely have chosen the inventor of steps. When he was young and widely admired, before his misfortunes, he had never really noticed them. He had sprung down them two at a time and gone blithely on his way. No more. They’re everywhere. You really can’t change floors without them. And down is worse than up, that’s the thing people never realise. Going up, you usually don’t fall that far. "

A great saga indeed. I haven't read anything else by Abercrombie, but "The First Law" is painfully good.

And yes, a good character should be distinctive. And the way each one speaks is a distinctive feature. So it's a good design decision to give your characters a way to talk. Even repetitive own expressions that become "catchphrases".

 

[Ottoeight]

I probably should've clearly stated that I have no intention of changing the way I write. Honestly, I don't even know that I could. The characters' voices are so cemented in my head that it's hard to write them any other way.

Anyhow! Here's a little teaser for the next installment. <_<

View attachment 2683611

Bro, did you make an updates' storyline plan?
I'm just wondering whether you've already planned new events/chapters involving our favourite cutiepies Brittani and Pepper.

Just asking for a friend (myself)

 

[Joshy92]

I'm gonna be honest guys Ashe doesn't really do it for me.
I much prefer Nicki, Brittani & pepper they are my favourites
Of course I think we all know who my number 1 of those girls is lol
I still want to help Ashe but as a friend.

 

[NeonGhosts]

"If Glokta had been given the opportunity to torture any one man, any one at all, he would surely have chosen the inventor of steps. When he was young and widely admired, before his misfortunes, he had never really noticed them. He had sprung down them two at a time and gone blithely on his way. No more. They’re everywhere. You really can’t change floors without them. And down is worse than up, that’s the thing people never realise. Going up, you usually don’t fall that far. "

A great saga indeed. I haven't read anything else by Abercrombie, but "The First Law" is painfully good.

Man, I've had The Blade Itself sitting on my shelf for months. I need to get on that.

Bro, did you make an updates' storyline plan?
I'm just wondering whether you've already planned new events/chapters involving our favourite cutiepies Brittani and Pepper.

Just asking for a friend (myself)

Brittani's storyline is pretty well-plotted, because of how many characters she'll potentially intersect with. There's wiggle room, but I basically know how it goes beginning-to-end.

Pepper is a little less defined. I know what happens next for her, and what happens after that.. And I've got an idea to tie her into another storyline. But, it's a little murkier.

For all the girls, I basically have a list of story points that are general, good, and evil. With each update I kind of sit down and see what's on the list, and how I can string them together for a cohesive update.

So, here's an example of what Pepper's story-points list looks like (with sum omissions for spoilers).

General

• Writer. Ashe local artist collection? Collab with Gabby? [X's] project?
• Asshole dad. Siblings? Family affair.
• Crappy apartment. Viola neighbor? (Too coincidental?) Crappy but it's hers.

Good

• Guy lobbies to get her writing job.
• Pay increase, flexible schedule at Lawful Waffle?
• Sometimes you have to break the bully's nose.
• If she won't move to a better place, maybe Guy brings the better place to her.
• Needs to feel safe to really open up.

Bad

• Blackmail via office tape?
• Moody sugarbaby.
• Cutting hours to apply pressure.
• After-hours restaurant sex.
• She's more afraid of [X] than Guy - protect or exploit?

Stuff like that!

 

[PHIL101-YYouPPHard]

I imagine there was some racism there, since it seems very stereotypical to me that a black American has to speak as if he has facial paralysis.

Maybe, but ebonics is an actual way of speaking for a lot of black people in the USA. I've definitely seen it exaggerated into ridiculousness to insult and make fun of, though, which is fucked up. But if that wasn't his intention, maybe he was just trying to show a real perspective? I didn't actually play it, so hard to say ofc