I'm not too sure what to make of this one...
On one hand, it looks fine, and the interactions between characters are written well.
On the other hand, it mostly feels like one infodump after another. Learning in detail about like 20 people you're likely to never meet is a bit... well, boring.
There are some small grammatical issues: word order in questions, choice of article ("the", "a", or none), and odd prepositions.
Also, the "devotion < -5 means game over" rule is imo problematic. I found myself disagreeing with Chandra a lot, so in order to just keep playing, I disabled the game over condition in the script. Though setting it to -6 or -7 would have sufficed... What I'm getting at is that (1) it feels silly for any of the girls to abandon the group just because the MC doesn't go along with every silly thing they do, and (2) it severely limits player choice; having a neutral relationship with Chandra seems almost impossible with this restriction.
I don't know what I'll do with this game. Probably have another look when it's done, then toss it in the bin once I've driven Chandra away again... Anyway, good luck, Dev.