No problem. Here's some more! (with any luck there won't be any more corrections needed for my corrections...
)
Edit: Nope, my corrections needed corrections. Thanks 44Tom
Note to self: read touch-typed stuff properly before submitting.
During Jennifer's scene where she gives you a tour of the new room:
"I certainly looks very noble and I like that it has a tub. *smiling*"
would be better as (noble doesn't really work here)
"It certainly looks very luxurious and I like that it has a tub. *smiling*"
or, if you are wanting it to mean fit for a king (though I don't personally like this use either):
"It certainly looks very regal and I like that it has a tub. *smiling*"
During Delizia's asleep in the clinic scene:
"I've dreamed about becoming a doctor since I've been 15 years old"
would be better as
"I've dreamed about becoming a doctor since I was 15 years old"
and
"Yes, wouldn't it. *winks*"
should be
"Yes, wouldn't it? *winks*"
and
"Joy helped me get into the distance learning program at the university of Phoenix."
should be
"Joy helped me get into the distance learning program at the University of Phoenix."
and
"I'm sure you'll be doing great."
should be (depending on which tense you were going for)
"I'm sure you'll do great." or "I'm sure you're doing great."
During Yumiko's scene at the bar when it's empty:
"After a tasteful sip, she sits down on the stool beside you."
would be better as
"After savouring a sip, she sits down on the stool beside you."
During Miriam's 3rd beach walk scene:
"I loved the swim training and how to get an even struggling person to safety."
would be better as
"I loved the swim training and how to get a struggling person to safety."
and the second sentence of the following doesn't really make sense:
"They're not just girls. Let's just say could blend in perfectly. *grins*"
During Delizia's first clinic scene after speaking to Joy:
"Get off your pants!"
would be better as
"Get your pants off!" or "Get out of your pants!"
During Delizia's clinic collection scene:
"Before you hard-on rips it open. *smirks*"
would be better as
"Before your hard-on rips them open. *smirks*" or "Before your hard-on rips your fly open. *smirks*"
and
"We better dress now. I'm horny enough as it is."
would be better as
"We'd better dress now. I'm horny enough as it is."
or
"We'd better get dressed now. I'm horny enough as it is."
