VN Ren'Py Abandoned HoloLewd Manager [v3.1 + Christmas Special] [AkkaSenpai]

[Alias Unknown]

Everything in this game before 3.1 makes AkkaSenpai is a sex addict just chasing the high, skipping everything in between and not letting the scenes build to a sex scene. 3.1 fixes that problem but the 420 scene made me focus on that and made it more painful.

Spoiler: 420 Scene

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Spoiler: Some problems with arms

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Finally, there needs to be some in game explanation for why all the girls are so horny.

 

[Karnewarrior]

I definitely think a do-over of the earlier bits would be good, particularly for better justifying the fact that all these girls are horny as fuck even when it would be wildly OOC for them to be. If you want a smut scene early on it's gotta be a girl you could believe would ride a cock she just met, and Fauna's not really that. Or you could hint at what makes the MC special enough to basically have an aura of pussy magnet.

 

[Alias Unknown]

Some ideas I've been stewing over

- When Ereshkigal is very dismissive of the MC's life when sending he to a different world it feels like it goes against what she trying to do, perhaps instead she sends him to "A world where he can get a harem, so don't complain how much this hurts." Still dismissive of the MC's well being but fits more with her reason for isekia-ing him and with intention behind it Kronii is right to suspect foul play.

- A scene, before the Fauna scene, where Kronii visits the MC in hospital where he tries to touch her and she grabs his hand and tells him not to try. After leaving the room she leans against the wall and says to herself, "If I had let him.." as her hand trails down her stomach before slapping herself in the face with both hands and says "Focus, why is he here?" before walking off.
This combined with the above scene gives reason to the horniness while leaving it a mystery. Is it something Ereshkigal did or is it something about this world?

- If you want to do impregnation, you could have one character want to get pregnant by the MC and help him breed other Hololive Members. I will suggest Baelz since I think she's set up well enough. Have her approach the MC in his office wanting to know what her friends find him, basically jumping on him. During the sex scene, she mentions that unlike everyone else she's not on birth control and she is ovulating tomorrow, so today and tomorrow are the best chance to knock her up. The player has the option to cum inside her, enabling pregnancy or pull out, disabling pregnancy. If the player cums inside her, she will turn up at the MC's room and have another sex scene after which Kobo turns up and Baelz explains that someone has to have the MC's kids and since everyone else is on birth control it might as well be her, goading Kobo to stop taking birth control, the player can allow or put a stop to this.
If you want to limit the number of pregnant character to render, you could have Baelz use the 7 sugar pills of birth control to get others off birth control, making it one character every 3 ingame months with Baelz offering a small selection because "[She's] the one breaking into her friends room and swapping their birth control, so the only choices are the people [she] willing to make mothers."

- Finally, make the time jump after the counsel meeting a week rather than a month. Smaller time jumps are easier to accept nothing progressing than longer ones and in general it is better to avoid time jumps all together.

 

[Karnewarrior]

So, suggesting that the lewds themselves are tied to the plot and the horniness of the girls is something about the Isekai? I kinda like that. Gives some good opportunity for some of the girls to have some depth and crisis - Ina going "Why do I want to fuck him so bad? I'm not usually like this!" or something.

Could also be used to develop a bit of factionalism, for the *~D~R~A~M~A~*. A faction of girls who are torn between the horni and their rational "WTF" reactions, and the girls who don't give a damn and embrace the lewd.

 

[A-chriss]

RI really don't know if you're going to read this but let me tell you it's the best 3D game (I say this because I don't like them very much)I hope you can get kronii and there in the scenes, I loved the game!

 

[AkkaSenpai]

RI really don't know if you're going to read this but let me tell you it's the best 3D game (I say this because I don't like them very much)I hope you can get kronii and there in the scenes, I loved the game!

Thanks, but my favorite might be a bit far, I get an email notification if someone posts in this thread so I read all of them. I have put a lot of work into this game in the past and it still feels like I failed. The game itself was made with no skills and slowly did make it better but the story and art need an upgrade. (It went through a lot of changes and people won't stick around for that). I had no skills in doing that beforehand.

I feel like I can make better stuff, and that's why I'm planning to redo it, but f95zone won't have that, or an update anytime soon because I don't know anything yet. (I'll update it when I have a clear thought ahead) There are probs more info on my

You must be registered to see the links

if you view the "Dev log" TAG or so my Patreon, otherwise, I post a lot of porn I make. (The recent art of now and....probs future porn? on Pixiv is the way the game itself will look if you want an upgrade of what I'd made before)

Just right now, I'm just planning to create porn to upload to

You must be registered to see the links

and Patreon, not focusing on the game since I have no idea where to start, and I want to redo with a clear thought ahead of where and what to do so the game(s) itself are good and worth playing instead of games that cash and grabs or so.

And yes, I have seen the threats above (Page 18, default thread number?), I don't plan to reply to all, but I have also thought of redoing the images again, but it is just better to remake itself with a new story and images. But that won't happen soon, but thanks for the feedback of good and bad If not stated otherwise, since without it, I can't grow as a creator.

If do plan to start something, I am planning to create something other than Hololive like a Genshin Impact adult game or stuff (I do in fact have a description of that game, but mostly likely isn't final since it was the heat of the moment thing, no thought ahead)

 

[Karnewarrior]

Well, pretty sure this is the only Hololive lewdness on F95 anyway, in the games section, so it hardly needs to be perfect.

If you're doing a rewrite though, I advise making a roadmap for it: the plot, start to finish, and all the features you'd like to include. It can be digital or stickynotes on a wall. Then you can color code each feature based on how important it is - I advise splitting features into components too so that you can do stuff like make the UI as a general element a critical feature but the ~*~sparkly~*~ UI not-so-important - and make it a rule that every update has to include a core or important feature, and anything added after you finalize the roadmap is a low importance feature.

Having a roadmap helps streamline the process since you sit down and think about what you actually need to do, it provides motivation because you can see the progress you make every day, and it helps avoid feature creep because it makes you painfully aware of all the crap you already were planning on putting in when you go to put in that 1000 page long Nijisanji sidestory.

Roadmaps are good.

 

[legonix]

Well, seems like either AkkaSenpai has thrown the towel, unless he's still here posting/lurking, but the patreon page itself has been eliminated.

Edit: Okay massive miss on my end, checking his twitter, seems like patreon itself just deleted AkkaSenpai's page, and currently seems to going either to SubscribeStar, FANBOX, his discord server is also still active thankfully, and has most (if not all) his content on Gumroad, still seems that he's alive somehow. Don't know what that means for Hololewd Manager though, oh well it is what it is.

 

[AkkaSenpai]

Well, seems like either AkkaSenpai has thrown the towel, unless he's still here posting/lurking, but the patreon page itself has been eliminated.

Edit: Okay massive miss on my end, checking his twitter, seems like patreon itself just deleted AkkaSenpai's page, and currently seems to going either to SubscribeStar, FANBOX, his discord server is also still active thankfully, and has most (if not all) his content on Gumroad, still seems that he's alive somehow. Don't know what that means for Hololewd Manager though, oh well it is what it is.

Yeah, my Patreon got suspended, I'm going to substar but I'm still waiting for them to verify me. Fanbox/Gumroad is for my works ONLY and Fanbox was about to get rid of me because my profile picture wasn't my own or something dumb but I clearly made it. I'm just not focusing on HLM, I haven't done much but I plan on redoing it. I haven't done much for the transcript but I don't have any motivation for it, at least right now...

 

[Karnewarrior]

Redos are usually a death knell on their own, so I'd caution against it, but I have seen them work occasionally.

If you really do want to redo the whole game, I might suggest you keep a sort of Lorebook. Inside the book you should keep:
-A general overview of the plot including scenes you want and how the VN should end
-A count of the girls you want to be major players (you're a madman if you think all of hololive or even just HoloEN will fit as mains. Some of 'em are going to have to be downgraded)
-Some lore and personality notes for each girl

Keeping it all centralized and next to each other will help streamline it and alert you to blindspots or inconsistencies.

 

[RoninKai]

First the good. Love the concept of being in a world where HoloLive are real people and that you become a manager. Love the models, they all look cute/sexy and they all seem to match their actual personalities pretty well (aside from everyone being hyper sexual but meh, porn game) and personally I love the references but they could be better if they didn't feel quite so forced.

Now for the bad. Everything feels rushed like someone who skips pages in a book to get to the good parts. Even when I take the game at it's own pace it feels like someone telling a story by saying "This happened then this happened and then this and this and this" without ever really allowing us to get absorbed into the scene. There's no point where I feel "Ok I like where this is going" It's like if a movie had a guy line up for a race but then skip the race itself and only showing the end result. This also makes all the interactions feel awkward. A good example is the meeting "Kronii: This guy could be a threat, here are all your jobs now go" it would be better if Kronii had asked Sana and Fauna what they thought of him, does he seem like a threat, has he done anything suspicious, what are your impressions since you have spent the past month with him. Some of them could say he's a good guy someone else could say that might just be an act and they go back and forth sharing their thoughts and opinions so that Kronii could make a proper plan on how to deal with him. And then all of a sudden he becomes a manager as if they did investigate him and decided he could be trusted but we never get to see that. I suppose him being a trainee manager could be part of that investigation but it just seems like there should have been more before he got to that point. Him becomeing a trainee manager should have happened after he passed a few small tests like "Ok we released him from the hospital and we allowed him to explore and do his own thing for a bit and he didn't do anything stupid so we can allow him a bit more" again it feels like there were things that did happen in between but were cut out. The solution to this would be to let the charaters interact with each other, when Marine shows up she immediately takes him to his room and sure they joke around a bit but they don't really talk and get to know each other. We never get to see their personalities play off each other. The MC should have been all "So like you guys are all real and you stream to Earth that's kind of weird" "Marine: Is it? It's just natural for us so I never really thought about it that way" "MC: I mean how do you even stream to Earth in the first place it's in another dimension" "Marine: I don't really know that's not my specialty so you'd have to ask someone else" "MC: Right I forgot your specialty is being horny and dancing badly lol" "Marine: Hey I'm not that bad at dancing!" "MC: So not going to deny being horny?" "Marine: Oh not at all, btw what do you think is the best anime and why is the correct answer anything from the 80's?"

And then there's the worst part, the MC. When he's introduced he's set up as kind of pathetic. The type of guy who sits around playing games and watching Vtubers all day and yet within seconds of waking up from a coma he has Choco wrapped around his finger seemingly willing to do anything he wants. When he went for that first kiss she should have pushed him back down and said "Hold it you're moving a bit to fast for an injured person" which implies that he is actually hyper competent. So which is he? Is this supposed to be about a looser who learns to be better or is he a super capable person that is exactly what the HoloLive people need to fix some problem? He's a super pervert who is more than willing to take advantage of girls against their will because of "charm" but he didn't even do anything to earn that power, the next moment he says "Oh this girl is super cute and heals me" as if it's supposed to show that he's actually a good guy. So again which is he? A guy that cares about the girls and wants to make them happy or a creep that uses magic to corrupt and manipulate the girls? He can't be a bumbling good guy who is kinda of lame but has a heart of gold AND be a master manipulater that corrupts everyone, you have to pick one or the other. It's like you are trying to make him Deku from MHA and Light Yagami from Death Note. Hell a month after recovering from a coma he is doing 10,000 one handed push ups like he's trying to be Saitama and yet he was a gaming nerd who probably got winded everytime he opened the fridge. Is that because the gravity on that planet is different? If so it makes his 10,000 pushups worthless so why try to make him seem like a badass? If he is the kind of person who is badass enough to do 10,000 pushups a month after recovering from a coma why set him up to be a nerd in the first place? If he is a creep who takes advantage of women why even try to make him seem like a decent person? If he is a good person why does he take advantage of women without ever questioning if what he is doing is right or wrong? Look I know this is a porn game and the lewd stuff is ultimately the goal but even if you watch the worst porn on the planet people are still consistant. The solution: Decide who the MC is going to be. Is he a good guy or a bad guy? Is he a super competent badass or a looser that learns and grows? Is he someone who cares about the girls or a creep who just wants to get his dick wet. Do you want a sweet and hearwarming story then make him a good guy who is kinda pathetic but tries to do the right thing, do you want a raunchy story where the MC gets all the women then make him a super capable manipulative bastard who doesn't ever try to be a nice guy. Either way he has to earn it by being the best or worst he can possibly be, jumping from a decent guy to a total creep gives me whiplash. Just remember, Deku or Light who is he going to be? And if you really can't decide then you can make him both, just give us choices that can shape him either way so at the very least we can see the type of charter we want to see.

So I know it seems like I came down pretty hard on you but I want to make it clear that your game isn't trash, I actually played it through to the end of the current content which actually says alot for me. I see this game having a ton of potential and could really be great if you polished up some of the rough edges and gave it some clear direction. Pace things a bit better and let us get to see the interactions between characters. And for gods sake spend some time working on making your MC someone we actually care about, if you allowed us to choose which type of MC he was going to be it would be even better. I hope you continue to work on the game and improve your skills and I whish you the best of luck!

 

[AkkaSenpai]

First the good. Love the concept of being in a world where HoloLive are real people and that you become a manager. Love the models, they all look cute/sexy and they all seem to match their actual personalities pretty well (aside from everyone being hyper sexual but meh, porn game) and personally I love the references but they could be better if they didn't feel quite so forced.

Now for the bad. Everything feels rushed like someone who skips pages in a book to get to the good parts. Even when I take the game at it's own pace it feels like someone telling a story by saying "This happened then this happened and then this and this and this" without ever really allowing us to get absorbed into the scene. There's no point where I feel "Ok I like where this is going" It's like if a movie had a guy line up for a race but then skip the race itself and only showing the end result. This also makes all the interactions feel awkward. A good example is the meeting "Kronii: This guy could be a threat, here are all your jobs now go" it would be better if Kronii had asked Sana and Fauna what they thought of him, does he seem like a threat, has he done anything suspicious, what are your impressions since you have spent the past month with him. Some of them could say he's a good guy someone else could say that might just be an act and they go back and forth sharing their thoughts and opinions so that Kronii could make a proper plan on how to deal with him. And then all of a sudden he becomes a manager as if they did investigate him and decided he could be trusted but we never get to see that. I suppose him being a trainee manager could be part of that investigation but it just seems like there should have been more before he got to that point. Him becomeing a trainee manager should have happened after he passed a few small tests like "Ok we released him from the hospital and we allowed him to explore and do his own thing for a bit and he didn't do anything stupid so we can allow him a bit more" again it feels like there were things that did happen in between but were cut out. The solution to this would be to let the charaters interact with each other, when Marine shows up she immediately takes him to his room and sure they joke around a bit but they don't really talk and get to know each other. We never get to see their personalities play off each other. The MC should have been all "So like you guys are all real and you stream to Earth that's kind of weird" "Marine: Is it? It's just natural for us so I never really thought about it that way" "MC: I mean how do you even stream to Earth in the first place it's in another dimension" "Marine: I don't really know that's not my specialty so you'd have to ask someone else" "MC: Right I forgot your specialty is being horny and dancing badly lol" "Marine: Hey I'm not that bad at dancing!" "MC: So not going to deny being horny?" "Marine: Oh not at all, btw what do you think is the best anime and why is the correct answer anything from the 80's?"

And then there's the worst part, the MC. When he's introduced he's set up as kind of pathetic. The type of guy who sits around playing games and watching Vtubers all day and yet within seconds of waking up from a coma he has Choco wrapped around his finger seemingly willing to do anything he wants. When he went for that first kiss she should have pushed him back down and said "Hold it you're moving a bit to fast for an injured person" which implies that he is actually hyper competent. So which is he? Is this supposed to be about a looser who learns to be better or is he a super capable person that is exactly what the HoloLive people need to fix some problem? He's a super pervert who is more than willing to take advantage of girls against their will because of "charm" but he didn't even do anything to earn that power, the next moment he says "Oh this girl is super cute and heals me" as if it's supposed to show that he's actually a good guy. So again which is he? A guy that cares about the girls and wants to make them happy or a creep that uses magic to corrupt and manipulate the girls? He can't be a bumbling good guy who is kinda of lame but has a heart of gold AND be a master manipulater that corrupts everyone, you have to pick one or the other. It's like you are trying to make him Deku from MHA and Light Yagami from Death Note. Hell a month after recovering from a coma he is doing 10,000 one handed push ups like he's trying to be Saitama and yet he was a gaming nerd who probably got winded everytime he opened the fridge. Is that because the gravity on that planet is different? If so it makes his 10,000 pushups worthless so why try to make him seem like a badass? If he is the kind of person who is badass enough to do 10,000 pushups a month after recovering from a coma why set him up to be a nerd in the first place? If he is a creep who takes advantage of women why even try to make him seem like a decent person? If he is a good person why does he take advantage of women without ever questioning if what he is doing is right or wrong? Look I know this is a porn game and the lewd stuff is ultimately the goal but even if you watch the worst porn on the planet people are still consistant. The solution: Decide who the MC is going to be. Is he a good guy or a bad guy? Is he a super competent badass or a looser that learns and grows? Is he someone who cares about the girls or a creep who just wants to get his dick wet. Do you want a sweet and hearwarming story then make him a good guy who is kinda pathetic but tries to do the right thing, do you want a raunchy story where the MC gets all the women then make him a super capable manipulative bastard who doesn't ever try to be a nice guy. Either way he has to earn it by being the best or worst he can possibly be, jumping from a decent guy to a total creep gives me whiplash. Just remember, Deku or Light who is he going to be? And if you really can't decide then you can make him both, just give us choices that can shape him either way so at the very least we can see the type of charter we want to see.

So I know it seems like I came down pretty hard on you but I want to make it clear that your game isn't trash, I actually played it through to the end of the current content which actually says alot for me. I see this game having a ton of potential and could really be great if you polished up some of the rough edges and gave it some clear direction. Pace things a bit better and let us get to see the interactions between characters. And for gods sake spend some time working on making your MC someone we actually care about, if you allowed us to choose which type of MC he was going to be it would be even better. I hope you continue to work on the game and improve your skills and I whish you the best of luck!

Thanks for the feedback, I don't mind the paragraph, I can't grow without feedback, but It will probably be a while before any update is here. I had no knowledge of making anything (and still do) and looking back, I don't really like where it went. I was thinking of redoing and putting thought into it (like I didn't try before) but it's on hiatus. The only thing done right now (saying that as the last worked thing was months and months ago) is just a new description and 1-2 minutes of dialogue. It's safe to say that it'll be a while before everything new...

 

[Karnewarrior]

You might try opening things up a bit more. Allow the player to explore, ala Corrupted Kingdoms.

That would add very little in terms of content - really just some pictures of places in Koitatsu that don't have any models, and MAYBE some sprite design for the girls - but would definitely help pad the feeling of the game a bit.

I think perhaps reconsidering who the MC meets first would help too. Fauna isn't the most Seiso hololive but she's definitely not ready to jump dick the minute she sees a viable dude either (unless she's wildly different IRL). Someone like Marine though would probably be a perfect first 'target' for the player since you can make her nearabouts as slutty as physically possible and it'll fit with her presented character.
Already went over that though.

just jumping on the bandwagon. This is a nice game and I really enjoy the concept and the obvious passion that went into it, it just needs some retooling to really make the best list.

 

[MegaPiggy]

It's safe to say that it'll be a while before everything new...

I can wait

 

[BarkBarkBandicoot]

full save???

 

[Karnewarrior]

How goes it, Akkasenpai? Still on Hiatus?

 

[tuuri]

How is this remotely legal?
I guess his patreon already got slapped lol

Everything in this game before 3.1 makes AkkaSenpai is a sex addict just chasing the high, skipping everything in between and not letting the scenes build to a sex scene. 3.1 fixes that problem but the 420 scene made me focus on that and made it more painful.

My guy this is a 3d doujin who gives a shit about the writing

 

[muschi26]

My guy this is a 3d doujin who gives a shit about the writing

My guy, just because the primary reason people are here is to fap doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy other things.

Maybe you think story isn’t necessary in porn, but surely you can agree that a good story can make good porn even better?

 

[Karnewarrior]

Nah, we only like terrible story. Can't get it up unless it's bad enough to make Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way cringe.

If Voldemort isn't handing me a glock why even play

 

[muschi26]

Nah, we only like terrible story. Can't get it up unless it's bad enough to make Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way cringe.

If Voldemort isn't handing me a glock why even play

“Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.”

It sends shivers down my spine every time.