VN Ren'Py Onhold Hot Sand of Antarctica [v0.09] [Grinvald]

[PapaPhat]

This was a fun visual novel that ticks a lot of boxes for me. I can see BESEV put a lot of work into this project, but the English is really the main weak point. Yet, I enjoyed my first playthrough enough to do something I've never done before. I went through the files of chapter 1 and fixed up the English to hopefully give players a better idea of what this game could be with a better translation.

Correcting the grammar was the bulk of the work. Other than that, some alternate word choices for a smoother flow. Like cartridge to round (and ammo where appropriate), canister to fuel can, etc. Some dialogue was difficult to understand and didn't lend itself well to the sentence structure it was originally in, so I tried my best to rewrite them. I didn't add or remove any lines, so the number of lines should be 1:1 with the original files.

Drop the game folder in the attached file into the main game's folder. No changes to variables, or anything else besides dialogue, so it should be 100% save compatible.

Maybe by the next update I'll get around to polishing the text for the rest of the chapters. Oh and BESEV, feel free to incorporate this into your next patch if you want, I don't mind.

Thanks for the file, friend. I'll give it a go! Thanks also for saving me the effort of editing all that text myself.

Adventure ever on, Phat

 

[BESEV]

This was a fun visual novel that ticks a lot of boxes for me. I can see BESEV put a lot of work into this project, but the English is really the main weak point. Yet, I enjoyed my first playthrough enough to do something I've never done before. I went through the files of chapter 1 and fixed up the English to hopefully give players a better idea of what this game could be with a better translation.

Correcting the grammar was the bulk of the work. Other than that, some alternate word choices for a smoother flow. Like cartridge to round (and ammo where appropriate), canister to fuel can, etc. Some dialogue was difficult to understand and didn't lend itself well to the sentence structure it was originally in, so I tried my best to rewrite them. I didn't add or remove any lines, so the number of lines should be 1:1 with the original files.

Drop the game folder in the attached file into the main game's folder. No changes to variables, or anything else besides dialogue, so it should be 100% save compatible.

Maybe by the next update I'll get around to polishing the text for the rest of the chapters. Oh and BESEV, feel free to incorporate this into your next patch if you want, I don't mind.

Thanks a lot! I'll definitely include your corrections in my text. Also, it will be useful for me as a guide for learning English

 

[Havik79]

Ambivalent, the renders are good, the story is certainly unique and interesting, the girls are mostly pretty, especially Jane, she is super cute and sweet, really good quality renders, but what the fuck so at the start there was the whole schpeel about karma, then just like truth in mainstream media it disappeared like a fart in the wind, while I hate sex scenes being locked behind points, normal story stuff could have been cool, how much food was in the bunker or was saving the savage girl like karma and we just going to pretend it didn't happen, also why do devs put in pointless choices, who the fuck would pick cake over sex with 2 young virgin redheads, well other than the obvious but why would they play a game with only pussy in it.

Props for making the MC Aussie.

That opening though is a girl being constricted by a python while hyenas watch on, in Antarctica.

 

[Drafox]

Rini was interesting until she started talking about how death is better than being in a harem because she experienced it first hand...We already had the blonde with the same backstory and now her? Come on

 

[LewdLewy]

Thanks a lot! I'll definitely include your corrections in my text. Also, it will be useful for me as a guide for learning English

You're quite welcome. I have since updated my post with a new file for chapter 2. It also includes some corrections to mistakes I made in chapter 1 because I accidentally some words .

Here's how I was able to more easily make my edits. The Ren'Py SDK has the ability to extract dialogue from the game's .rpy files (Bottom right of the main screen). I then selected and copied all the text, and pasted into Word with the

You must be registered to see the links

extension (you can paste it directly into the website as well).

Here is a pic of everything:



Grammarly underlines words and parts of sentences to offer suggestions to fix them. It also explains why it thinks it should be changed like the note about removing the comma after the word "villages". There is a lot it won't catch and it often suggests wording to be more concise and professional. Which isn't always what you want because people don't speak with perfect grammar.

For example, the sentence:

"If you find a flayed corpse with organs cut off, it immediately becomes clear that there were savages here."

I changed it to:

"If you find a flayed corpse with the organs cut out of it, it immediately becomes clear that there were savages here."

Grammarly wants "here" changed to "there" which would make the sentence more awkward. It also can't understand nuance like the part about organs. While Grammarly isn't perfect, it can help find a lot of simple stuff like missing words, comma issues, and misspellings. Obviously, a native speaker would be needed for the rest.

Anyways, this is a great project and I am happy to help you out.

 

[BESEV]

You're quite welcome. I have since updated my post with a new file for chapter 2. It also includes some corrections to mistakes I made in chapter 1 because I accidentally some words .

Here's how I was able to more easily make my edits. The Ren'Py SDK has the ability to extract dialogue from the game's .rpy files (Bottom right of the main screen). I then selected and copied all the text, and pasted into Word with the

You must be registered to see the links

extension (you can paste it directly into the website as well).

Here is a pic of everything:

View attachment 2150083

Grammarly underlines words and parts of sentences to offer suggestions to fix them. It also explains why it thinks it should be changed like the note about removing the comma after the word "villages". There is a lot it won't catch and it often suggests wording to be more concise and professional. Which isn't always what you want because people don't speak with perfect grammar.

For example, the sentence:

"If you find a flayed corpse with organs cut off, it immediately becomes clear that there were savages here."

I changed it to:

"If you find a flayed corpse with the organs cut out of it, it immediately becomes clear that there were savages here."

Grammarly wants "here" changed to "there" which would make the sentence more awkward. It also can't understand nuance like the part about organs. While Grammarly isn't perfect, it can help find a lot of simple stuff like missing words, comma issues, and misspellings. Obviously, a native speaker would be needed for the rest.

Anyways, this is a great project and I am happy to help you out.

I'll try Grammrly, thanks for the hint!

 

[ifss]

Will Katie get a pet "dog"?

 

[PapaPhat]

I'll try Grammrly, thanks for the hint!

Grammarly is only part of the solution, my friend. You also need a native speaker to interpret the Grammarly output. Grammarly is great for catching most errors in spelling and sentence structure but will all too often make your characters sound sterile, more like a text book than actual human people. People use slang and expressions that Grammarly will see as errors and correct them. To give an example, a rural person might say, "I ain't goin' there!" That makes sense for the character but Grammarly turns that into, "I am not going there." which totally changes the nature of the character. I immensely enjoy your characters. It would be a shame to have them sterilized. Grammarly will also interpret Mongol as the Mongols of the northeastern Steppes of Asia rather than a character, another challenge that a human editor will notice and fix. Bots are only as effective as the humans that control them. You would do well to have LewdLewy aid you as editor. That would be my best suggestion as a native English speaker myself. When I tried his edited version from his patch, I immediately saw the improvements he had made. There were a few things that Grammarly and his initial edit had missed so he is making his second pass to perfect everything now. A good native English speaking editor can make a huge difference in the overall quality of your AVN title. You would do well to engage his help.

LOVE this story! LOVE the renders! It's reminiscent of Mad Max, only better! The grammar needed some work from the beginning. It wasn't nearly as bad as much of what I see from these titles but it did need some healthy editing. Grammarly alone is only half a solution. With good English editing, this could easily a top ten AVN of all time, IMHO. It has already made a prized addition to my collection and I am chomping at the bit like a prized stallion for more! Thank you for sharing your story and vision in Hot Sand of Antarctica!

Adventure ever on my friend, Phat

 

[DiTo]

Newest Progress Update:

v0.07 Development progress

• Renders - 10%
• Animations - 0%
• Rendering post-processing - 10%
• Music & Sounds - 0%
• Translation - 0%

 

[rogokin]

Was wondering will we go back to the MC's original bunker and get the woman we saved out and take her with us when the group leaves?

 

[PapaPhat]

Was wondering will we go back to the MC's original bunker and get the woman we saved out and take her with us when the group leaves?

I don't think the woman from the savage tribe would ever be amicable to traveling with MC or anyone else he knows. She views them all as enemies. After what MC's people have done to her and her kind, I do not blame her one bit for that assessment. They are, after all, at war. The type of relationship you suggest would take months to establish if it ever happened at all and that is time MC does not have to invest given his current status as a fugitive. In the same token, MC has every reason to see the savage woman as a hostile enemy as well. As far as I can tell from what the story has told us thus far, he plans to bring the doctor to heal her, interrogate her and eventually release her back to her people as he and those who will be traveling with him depart that area for good. The woman has shown nothing but hostile intent since MC saved her from that constrictor snake and does not seem like the type to ever crack and give up information about her people. That is highly unlikely, as is the possibility that she will even consider any offer to join with MC. MC offering to take her along with them is even less likely, IMHO. The whole scenario seems to me to be set up for MC to score some points with Eve and the possibility of obtaining information regarding safe paths of escape or even a bargain to aid in the safe passage of MC and his own burgeoning tribe.

But, there are some other possibilities as well, like maybe the other girl that was with Eve is now with this savage tribe and the woman MC freed from the snake and jackals is instrumental in rejoining them so Eve can have her sister back. So, I am not saying that only doom and gloom can arise from having the savage woman under MC's care at present, just that there are more potential negative outcomes than there are positive ones. If there is to be a positive outcome, I'm willing to bet that Eve and maybe the doctor will play a significant part in that. All of this is merely speculative. We will just have to wait and see what actually happens.

Adventure ever on friend, Phat

 

[quiboune]

I don't think the woman from the savage tribe would ever be amicable to traveling with MC or anyone else he knows. She views them all as enemies. After what MC's people have done to her and her kind, I do not blame her one bit for that assessment. They are, after all, at war. The type of relationship you suggest would take months to establish if it ever happened at all and that is time MC does not have to invest given his current status as a fugitive. In the same token, MC has every reason to see the savage woman as a hostile enemy as well. As far as I can tell from what the story has told us thus far, he plans to bring the doctor to heal her, interrogate her and eventually release her back to her people as he and those who will be traveling with him depart that area for good. The woman has shown nothing but hostile intent since MC saved her from that constrictor snake and does not seem like the type to ever crack and give up information about her people. That is highly unlikely, as is the possibility that she will even consider any offer to join with MC. MC offering to take her along with them is even less likely, IMHO. The whole scenario seems to me to be set up for MC to score some points with Eve and the possibility of obtaining information regarding safe paths of escape or even a bargain to aid in the safe passage of MC and his own burgeoning tribe.

But, there are some other possibilities as well, like maybe the other girl that was with Eve is now with this savage tribe and the woman MC freed from the snake and jackals is instrumental in rejoining them so Eve can have her sister back. So, I am not saying that only doom and gloom can arise from having the savage woman under MC's care at present, just that there are more potential negative outcomes than there are positive ones. If there is to be a positive outcome, I'm willing to bet that Eve and maybe the doctor will play a significant part in that. All of this is merely speculative. We will just have to wait and see what actually happens.

Adventure ever on friend, Phat

He never said anything about taking her along in a friendly or even willing way though. Hogtying and dragging the savage through the sand still counts as "getting her and taking her with us". More importantly, not every relationship needs to be amicable, mind breaking enemies is one of the most popular tropes in every porn media. Hope the Dev will consider this path for that character.

 

[PapaPhat]

He never said anything about taking her along in a friendly or even willing way though. Hogtying and dragging the savage through the sand still counts as "getting her and taking her with us". More importantly, not every relationship needs to be amicable, mind breaking enemies is one of the most popular tropes in every porn media. Hope the Dev will consider this path for that character.

Nah... MC is more likely to kill her while Eve is not looking and tell Eve a tale of how the savage tried to murder him during an escape attempt. If not for Eve's pleas, the savage woman would be dead already. MC already said as much and even attempted to sway Eve to that viewpoint. MC does NOT want the savage woman around. Death is how MC's tribe deals with these savages... the ONLY way. They don't keep them as prisoners, hostages or slaves. The savages will not be controlled in that manner. The savage is only alive right now because of Eve. I don't think that Eve would stand for MC hogtieing the woman and dragging her along. She would plead for her release after the first few miles. It is really quite the conundrum, really, taking that savage along. That savage woman would be no end of grief if taken along in any capacity. You just want to see MC fuck her. That may or may not happen right there in the bunker but I highly doubt she will be around for the next act regardless of what happens. There is no logical reason to take her along. She is just dead weight and another mouth to feed. Resources will be scarce enough on the road.

What does make sense if for MC to at least attempt to win over the savage woman explaining how MC is no longer part of the enemy tribe that she hates, how a new leader has murdered the last and that a new head has taken his place who is even more vicious and insane than the last and encourage her to propose to her tribe that they join forces once MC returns with reinforcements and better weapons. THAT actually makes logical sense beyond some porn trope ploy to fuck the wild woman in captivity. What you have failed to realize is that this is a great story first and foremost, not just a weak porn plot. The sex flows forth from the story in a natural way. It need not be contrived with porn tropes and ploys. This is a story of a man of action who is embarking on a great adventure wanting to protect his family, those he loves. He is seeking allies, not captives or slaves. So, I don't think you get the plot, the MC or what's going on here if all you see is porn. This is NOT just a porno fuck romp title. This is a grand adventure story that just so happens to have some really hot sex.

I have stated my honest opinions on this matter twice. I will not argue or discuss them further because they are just that, opinions. Those opinions are based on the story we have seen thus far but I am speculating and cannot prove my point to "win" any debate. So, this is the last I will say on the matter for now until we see another update or two. We shall both just have to wait and see what comes next.

Adventure ever on friend, Phat

 

[BESEV]

Will Katie get a pet "dog"?

Quite possibly

 

[BESEV]

Grammarly is only part of the solution, my friend. You also need a native speaker to interpret the Grammarly output. Grammarly is great for catching most errors in spelling and sentence structure but will all too often make your characters sound sterile, more like a text book than actual human people. People use slang and expressions that Grammarly will see as errors and correct them. To give an example, a rural person might say, "I ain't goin' there!" That makes sense for the character but Grammarly turns that into, "I am not going there." which totally changes the nature of the character. I immensely enjoy your characters. It would be a shame to have them sterilized. Grammarly will also interpret Mongol as the Mongols of the northeastern Steppes of Asia rather than a character, another challenge that a human editor will notice and fix. Bots are only as effective as the humans that control them. You would do well to have LewdLewy aid you as editor. That would be my best suggestion as a native English speaker myself. When I tried his edited version from his patch, I immediately saw the improvements he had made. There were a few things that Grammarly and his initial edit had missed so he is making his second pass to perfect everything now. A good native English speaking editor can make a huge difference in the overall quality of your AVN title. You would do well to engage his help.

LOVE this story! LOVE the renders! It's reminiscent of Mad Max, only better! The grammar needed some work from the beginning. It wasn't nearly as bad as much of what I see from these titles but it did need some healthy editing. Grammarly alone is only half a solution. With good English editing, this could easily a top ten AVN of all time, IMHO. It has already made a prized addition to my collection and I am chomping at the bit like a prized stallion for more! Thank you for sharing your story and vision in Hot Sand of Antarctica!

Adventure ever on my friend, Phat

I agree with you about a native speaker. That's why I try to write in short sentences to convey the meaning of what's going on. I would like to improve the quality of the translation, but I don't want to bother anyone with this work. I'll try Grammarly - maybe that will be enough.

 

[BESEV]

Was wondering will we go back to the MC's original bunker and get the woman we saved out and take her with us when the group leaves?

I didn't forget about her The line of Savage will continue.

 

[Onetogo]

You just want to see MC fuck her.

This! This is the only thing that mattered at all in any of the back and forth I read between PapaPhat and quiboune.

I've known PapaPhat for some time now and I have to admit I never really read everything that was said. I can without any hesitancy state that PapaPhat also wants to have the MC fuck that hot looking Trissa(savage). PapaPhat is a pervert like me...the only times I've seen him state he doesn't want to hit it is the women who are crazy and fugly(example: Barb from Long Road Home).

 

[PapaPhat]

This! This is the only thing that mattered at all in any of the back and forth I read between PapaPhat and quiboune.

I've known PapaPhat for some time now and I have to admit I never really read everything that was said. I can without any hesitancy state that PapaPhat also wants to have the MC fuck that hot looking Trissa(savage). PapaPhat is a pervert like me...the only times I've seen him state he doesn't want to hit it is the women who are crazy and fugly(example: Barb from Long Road Home).

No, my friend. The savage is dead last on my list of desired LI in Hot Sand of Antarctica. If it were solely up to me (which it is not, obviously) I would rather go find Eve's sister or fuck my own family. If you would have read a bit more of what I wrote earlier, you would have seen that I have a rather dark view of the savage woman and if it were NOT for Eve, I would've gladly left her die in the grasp of the snake.

You know that I love a good harem, my friend. I am also rather choosy on who gets into that harem. I would rather spend our precious time and resources finding Eve's sister than give the time of day to the savage woman. But, something tells me that the savage woman still has a part to play in this story of good or ill, just like Gandalf said of Gollum in the Lord of the Rings films. But, I don't find Trissa all that attractive. I would much rather spend time with the women MC already has.

Spoiler: ...And, the other thing...

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Adventure ever on my friend, Phat

 

[Onetogo]

No, my friend. The savage is dead last on my list of desired LI in Hot Sand of Antarctica. If it were solely up to me (which it is not, obviously) I would rather go find Eve's sister or fuck my own family. If you would have read a bit more of what I wrote earlier, you would have seen that I have a rather dark view of the savage woman and if it were NOT for Eve, I would've gladly left her die in the grasp of the snake.

You know that I love a good harem, my friend. I am also rather choosy on who gets into that harem. I would rather spend our precious time and resources finding Eve's sister than give the time of day to the savage woman. But, something tells me that the savage woman still has a part to play in this story of good or ill, just like Gandalf said of Gollum in the Lord of the Rings films. But, I don't find Trissa all that attractive. I would much rather spend time with the women MC already has.

Spoiler: ...And, the other thing...

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Adventure ever on my friend, Phat

I have yet to play 0.06 I only have access to 0.05. Eve is in the new update or are we speaking about Ava(default name before change name)? Or is my memory not serving me well. I'm fine with being wrong. Sophie is the sister taken by the ghost and attacked Hawk the MC's mentoree.

Just saw that one quote and I was like I find Trissa attractive and didn't come across as a evil bitch she just had a hard life and although she is hostile to Mongol or anybody associated with him I figured through a show of kindness and lack of of animosity would whittle away at her distrust over the long run. Turn her loose after she has been helped would go a long way.

 

[PapaPhat]

I have yet to play 0.06 I only have access to 0.05. Eve is in the new update or are we speaking about Ava(default name before change name)? Or is my memory not serving me well. I'm fine with being wrong. Sophie is the sister taken by the ghost and attacked Hawk the MC's mentoree.

Just saw that one quote and I was like I find Trissa attractive and didn't come across as a evil bitch she just had a hard life and although she is hostile to Mongol or anybody associated with him I figured through a show of kindness and lack of of animosity would whittle away at her distrust over the long run. Turn her loose after she has been helped would go a long way.

You are correct, my friend, Ava is the default name for the woman in question here. I didn't change her name, just suffering from CRS... can't remember shit. Hahaha I just reloaded to check since you asked. Sophie is her sister who stays with Hawk and gets taken.

I also took another look at the savage woman... I didn't read her dialogue this time, just looked into her beautiful blue eyes... She is much more attractive than I had initially assessed. It had to have been her foul attitude that turned me off so hard. TBH, it still does. Since we are helping her thanks to Ava's encouragement, we'll just have to see what happens.

Why no 0.06 for you yet, my friend? It is available in Win/Linux, Mac and Android on the OP here, page one of this post, along with a fresh updated version of the incest patch. It is well worth the DL!

Adventure ever on, Phat