- May 11, 2017
- 3,109
- 10,931
This is a witch joke thread now? Why don't witches wear panties? To better grip the broom!
Anyways, about the game... Time for some tough love baby! Not writing this to be an asshole. Writing this to help you: There is currently very little content. Judging by the tags I thought that there would be more content such as oral sex, and footjob. In the currently released form there is no oral sex or footjobs or any sex of any kind.
I find the tags misleading:
The closest to oral sex in the current version: A quick kiss on the lips
The closest to footjob in the current version: A single render of a female leg on a male lap where the calf makes contact with the penis.
The closest to lesbian in the current version: I didn't even get that vibe at all yet. No female on female kiss or flirting at all.
Such tags should be removed until a future release includes such content. Gotta fix those tags, I checked it out because it had those tags and I thought it had such content. Denied... Tags are NOT for "Future content", but for "Existing content". For the most part anyway. For instance, I didn't mention incest in the tags being erroneously labeled. You can include that if a romantic or sexual interest is a family member, but you haven't fucked them yet if you have started at least some flirting at least which I believe there was.
There was one thing I found particularly off-putting more than anything else about this game. Before you see even a single render after a handful of black screens the text reads: "That was one of the best and worst nights of my life. Maybe the Developer will recreate it for the visual novel if he gets some love from some patrons!"
As a creator myself, I get it dude if you are making your game for money. I can respect that, and it's understandable. I don't find anything wrong with that at all. Good for you. I personally make mine for fun. However, opening like that is REALLY bad to do. You don't even get how bad of an opening that is. If you want that message in there put it at the very end, or have a link in the menu or something. It's like a waitress bringing you the bill before you have had a bite of food. It's an unwritten rule.
Coming out the gates with "I won't include this important scene unless I get some money to do so!" is not a good way to get people to want to give you money. In fact it's probably the absolute WORST way to go about doing that. Especially because you admit you don't have a writer.
To get the most money you have to at least make your audience believe it's not all about money for you.
Beyond that here are some ways you can improve the game:
1) Have choices. In it's current form without a single choice this tech demo is a "Kinetic Novel". That's a tag you didn't include. Gotta put choices or it's kinetic. Because of the phone having relationship meters I believe that it will not be a kinetic novel. Mom only loves you 10 and sis loves you 100 though? How come mom hates you?
2) Writing, you are looking for a writer. Not gonna knock that. You know your limitation. If you do hire a good writer they are likely going to rewrite your entire story if you want to make money. It's unclear what if anything you offer to pay them, and how much creative control you offer them. It would be wise to clarify that with writers if they choose to contact you. It seems as if the girls are already battling to get at your dick willing to throw one another off a boat and drug your fiance. If you make it THAT easy it's likely to draw little support. Very few females are willing to drug a woman so that she can sleep with her brother. She can have a lot of hidden passion there sure, but being so upfront about it is not realistic behavior. Unless you add some sort of sci-fi / fantasy / mind control element or some other real good reason for it I'm not buying it.
3) Text size: At least once in the story your large text size has scooted text to be under the screen because you wrote too much. Gotta either lower the font size, or lower the number of characters in a line. This is more of a renpy flaw than you fucking up to be fair.
4) Render Quality: Something is definitely off about the renders in my opinion, and they could do with some photoshopping or a changing in the Daz settings. Maybe a little too much saturation, and a lack of moisture around the mouth area. No shine on the lips makes them look dry and unappealing. The mom's red cheeks also bad too, way too much blush.
Well, good luck with your game.
