Filipis I played your remastered version for a few minutes. Disclaimer:
- English is not my first language, so take whatever I say with a pinch of salt
- I don't understand a single word of Russian, so I can't compare your English version to the original in Russian.
The English is much better in your version than in the original. I can't even imagine the amount of time and effort it took to do it. Kudos!
So far I noticed the following errors or things I'd state differently:
- There seems to be a Ren'Py mod installed; it popped up the first time I booted the game.
- & → and (e.g. Val: [...] consolidating & centralizing [...], and Val: [...] days & nights).
- Val: And, out of spite - or sheer hubris - had all the imperial [...] → And, out of spite or sheer hubris, had all the imperial (italic inside dashes is too much emphasis IMO).
- Val: [...] So much so, that few even believed [...] →
- Few even believed
- A few even believed
- So much so that a few even believed
- So much so that some even believed (if the people who believed something are few in number (1, 2 or 3), I don't think it would warrant the use of "so much so").
- Val: [...] large army of malcontents from all across the Empire →
- large army of malcontent people from all across the Empire
- large army of dissatisfied people from all across the Empire
- There are quotation marks at the end of some dialogue boxes (e.g. Val: [...] large army of malcontents from all across the Empire." and Val: [...] acquiesce to this future.")
- Val: Thousands of swords and spears pierced thousands more bodies → Thousands swords and spears pierced thousands bodies
- Val: The Emperor was soon found mortally wounded in his chambers by his youngest son Regis - who blamed his elder brother for the patricide → The Emperor was mortally wounded in his chambers. He was found in his death throes by his youngest son, Regis, who accused his elder brother of patricide
- Val: And with the support of a small group of nobles threw him into the dungeon, overnight becoming the closest thing to the crown of the new Emperor → With the support of a small group of nobles, Regis threw his elder brother into the dungeon and almost became the new Emperor overnight
- Val: The trial went as expected: Regis condemned his brother to death, depriving him of his right to the throne according to the ancient laws → A trial was held and his brother was found guilty. In accordance to the ancient laws, Regis stripped him of his right to the throne and sentenced him to death
- Val: A vast majority of the nobles and clergy →
- The vast majority of the nobility and clergy
- The vast majority of nobles and clerics
Please let me know which suggestions you found acceptable and which ones you didn't, so I can learn what to filter out next time