Based on V0.3a
I read and understood this your 1st attempt so please accept these comments as constructive. Some are my opinion some are cock-ups/typos. Overall, I think you've got off to a great start and looking forward to more. I like the different POV, I personally think there needs to be more female protagonists.
Now on with the waffling -
Intro - the red on the orange clashes making it difficult to read in places
Yes, you got me on Alex being a female not a male
hehe
<rant> My number 1 issue - after sending him away for what he did with Eva there is no way on Earth, ever, unless the the mother was one truly warped individual or so thick as to be a dangerous parent would she go anywhere near the 1st option. To make that sort of comment you would need such a strong relationship with your child and know fully his response would be the classic kid thinking of parent sex - "Ewww Mum!!!" </end rant>
1st flashback - Alex is in the pictures, Bethany is talking.
Bethany love how she is a fuller figure without being overly exaggerated unlike the massive boobs and bum like on some motherly figures. So often in media in general same sex is portrayed as binary and nothing more, "how could he marry her and have a child knowing he had feelings for him?" so, I love how through the thread you have been reinforcing her being bi-sexual rather than binary one way or the other.
1st meeting with Cpt Barrett the cars change during the close ups in the conversation from the distance view just before.
Shower scene TBinc...couldn't you reuse the morning pictures or is there more text needed or is it....with Alex :heartcoveredeyes: or is it the lead into the Eva opening scene? To me, that came a little out of the blue.
To me, Eva looks a lot younger than 21 (closer to 16). Please don't ask what could help, I can't put my finger on it. And no I don't think bigger boobs would automatically help, maybe just keeping an eye on what she wears could do it. Sorry this is one of the real intangibles when you get girls of 14 looking mid-20's when dressed up and mid-30's looking like high school girls (Stockard Channing - Grease
)
Typo in the shopping scene - shows should be shoes.
Too late I know but:
Alex's hair - the vote closed but I was going to try for the Alternate Version of Alex
Bethany's hair - she could wear it up at work and other ways in her own time.
