VN Ren'Py Intertwined [v0.12.3] [Nyx]

[MrFriendly]

Hey guys,
I would like to get your feedback for future and already released episodes to improve them.
What do you like about them, what don't you like, what can be changed/improved on.

I know the "animations" (looped pictures as of now) need lots of work and I'm going to slowly improve them one by one. I'll also make the scenes longer by adding more renders. I have a hard time with the conversation/text during sex. What would you like to see/read there.. More of an explanation what's going on or rather inner thoughts, or something else?

Okay, let me preface this by saying this is all just my opinion....

The animations (sex scenes) do need improvement though I honestly don't need them during sex scenes. A lot of games just show pictures and, if the renders are high enough quality, I don't care if they are just an image. Not here for the sex (I know I am weird but there are better sites to find fapping material).

As to writing the scenes focus on what they are doing, how it feels, what they want the other person to do or keep doing. Don't overthink it because sex doesn't involve a lot of thinking.

A mix of explanation, inner thoughts, "vocalization" of what is happening works. I feel that you've done well with Alexis and her inner thoughts. Describe the position, environment, how they feel, then have them think about those things, and also have them talk to each other about what is happening. I'd suggest reading some erotica to get some ideas...

What do you think of the smaller "animations".. For example, Layla kissing you on the cheek in the park or Alexis kissing you in the bathroom,.. Does it "enrich" the scene or more like meh..

I love them, they are a nice surprise when I see them and I would like to see more. Definitely enriches the scene

Music? I'll probably look into it once I make improvements in the coding/story/scenes (But for now enjoy the great mod by KoGa3)

I play the games muted and don't listen to music or sound unless I know the game has high quality music. As my posts in this thread have been edited or deleted when talking about other games I will leave it at that.

Scene transitions, black screen with next day, a few hours later, after class, ...

Scene transitions, fades, etc would be helpful in closing out scenes and starting a new one... The idea of making them cinematic would be a good one. Letting us know how long the MC has been in town and how much time has passed since he met Cara/Nikki would be great. You could even have a small persistent day/date/time stamp in the corner of the screen that allows us to see the passage of time.

Choices on how you react to certain questions/situations. For example: You can answer jokingly or seriously.. It changes how the other character reacts but ultimately comes to the same conclusion.. Do you like them or think they are pretty much useless?

I love choices, the closer to a choose your own adventure you can make it the happier I am. Even inconsequential choices or choices that have tiny impacts on the story. I like sarcasm and jokes, it would be great to have the MC respond in that manner too. However, I also think that if the MC were to respond in a joking manner at the wrong time it should impact their relationship with whoever they are talking to..

Story-wise: What do you want to see more of, what less?

Two things:
1) More side stories, more going on besides the Alexis "mystery". Weirdly I'd like to see the MC doing track and field... Maybe even a track meet. No one has done that before (that I am aware of) and it would be great to see people show up and support him (or not). Just a scene that isn't typical like all the beach, bar, bedroom, and school scenes that are in all VN's.
2) I really liked the concert scene and would like to see more dates where the MC and whoever go out to various events versus just a dinner date.

These were just a few things I had on my mind, so if you have any feedback, please share them in the comments here or in my Patreon post or message me..

Thank you,
Nyx

And finally, considering the whole "Move on" or "Confront her" choice, I think you should remove it since the MC doesn't confront her right there. Instead have him think about it, decide to wait until later, and have that choice when he actually is in the moment where you will let him confront her. Right now so many people seem to be confused or upset by the choice because the MC doesn't actually confront her. Also, I could be wrong, but IIRC the "Confront Her" choice is the only one that impacts the relationship points with Erynn. I don't feel that makes sense as both choices effectively end up being the same.

I'm enjoying the whole VN and if you didn't change anything I would be happy (I am already). It is nice to see you asking for some valid criticism and hopefully you will get some good advice/ideas from what is offered by everyone.

 

[Deleted member 596203]

Two things:
1) More side stories, more going on besides the Alexis "mystery". Weirdly I'd like to see the MC doing track and field... Maybe even a track meet. No one has done that before (that I am aware of) and it would be great to see people show up and support him (or not). Just a scene that isn't typical like all the beach, bar, bedroom, and school scenes that are in all VN's.
2) I really liked the concert scene and would like to see more dates where the MC and whoever go out to various events versus just a dinner date.

Seriously... Sometimes I think you've read the script already.

"Well get used to it."
"Training camp is coming soon.. So you'll be seeing a lot more of me."
"Oh joy!"

I want to put the track and field scenes in there but I haven't found a good asset yet which I can use. But don't worry, they'll be put in once I have something.

Thanks for all your input!

 

[Nakathor]

I just played it right now, starting with this v0.4 and... wow, that's so good ! Really, I like all the characters, the story is really nicely wrote, it's a pleasure to play ! And damn... if I had to choose between Alexis and Layla I would prolly can not pick one, they aren't at all the same kind of girl but I enjoy them both (pretty sure it will go back in my face later, never a good choice to go with multiple girls at once).
So congratulation and I'll wait the next update with pleasure !

 

[Dripping]

Yeah I agree, I wasn't even thinking about that I use them at the end too. I'll change it from Ep5 onwards and change the other episodes once I revisit them to change stuff.

I also see that you use Matt as the MC's name and if I remember correctly, I named the vocalyst of Yellow Snow Matt.
That must've been a bit confusing no?
You know what, as a small favour for your input, I will change it.

So this is for everyone:
If you have a name for the guy, here's your chance.

Well, in the eighties till the late nineties, it was quite common for bands to use nicknames for members, like: Sting, Bono & "The Edge", Ginger & Baby & Posh & (forgot the last one). So, to reduce the chance at making it the same as some other players name, I'd suggest going for a nickname. Like uhmm.. "Screw" or "Screw Joe".

 

[Faptime]

Well, so far the serious choices and consequences are purely love interest/who the MC fucks related. I am not saying there won't be more going on in the game but we haven't gotten to it yet.

I'm curious whether people went with Cara or Nikki. I'll be honest, I am usually team redhead but this time I went Nikki, the older but wise girl for me...

I played both and Cara's route just felt more right to me. But that decision was killer, man. Nikki is definitely the more attractive to me (Cara's bangs are not flattering, IMHO) but Cara and MC just clicked better.

 

[ShadowThrone]

I also see that you use Matt as the MC's name and if I remember correctly, I named the vocalyst of Yellow Snow Matt.
That must've been a bit confusing no?
You know what, as a small favour for your input, I will change it.

So this is for everyone:
If you have a name for the guy, here's your chance.

Well, in the eighties till the late nineties, it was quite common for bands to use nicknames for members, like: Sting, Bono & "The Edge", Ginger & Baby & Posh & (forgot the last one). So, to reduce the chance at making it the same as some other players name, I'd suggest going for a nickname. Like uhmm.. "Screw" or "Screw Joe".

As he tried to kiss Alexis, and asked her to go back stage after the show, I suggest something like Scum or Sleaze

 

[MrFriendly]

Seriously... Sometimes I think you've read the script already.

Don't want that many spoilers! I am good with proofreading it right before release

"Well get used to it."
"Training camp is coming soon.. So you'll be seeing a lot more of me."
"Oh joy!"

I want to put the track and field scenes in there but I haven't found a good asset yet which I can use. But don't worry, they'll be put in once I have something.

Thanks for all your input!

Well, I hope you can find something... It would be great to see some Track and Field. Just rather different from everything else.

And I am always happy to help. One of my favorite games, if not the favorite right now.

As he tried to kiss Alexis, and asked her to go back stage after the show, I suggest something like Scum or Sleaze

Yellow Snow Joe sounds pretty nasty already... But yeah, Scummy Joe would work too.

 

[Faptime]

Alexis theory time!

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Can't wait for the next update to see how close I am.

Oh, extra theory...

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[MrFriendly]

Alexis theory time!

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Can't wait for the next update to see how close I am.

That's a better theory than the whole "she's obviously married" conspiracy. I doubt that Lexi would be married and living at her parent's house when she is working at the bar (her sister was the one who interrupted them in the shower per the text conversation with the MC) or at a Sorority House when at school. Of course we don't know the last part is 100% true, she could have been lying. What if their not blood sisters but are "sisters" in a Sorority? What if she knows about the MC because Erynn told that story one night while drunk? Perhaps she isn't the girl who watched/participated in the MC's humiliation as a 12 year old. She just knows the whole story because she knows Erynn.

 

[Englen]

Some of these Alexis theories are kinda out there and some aren't even remotely believable if you go off of the information that is given and hinted at in the game. Most of them are just pure speculation based of tropes seen in other games, shows and movies. There is nothing in the game hints at Alexis being married/in a relationship already, having a sugar daddy or having a kid, keep in mind she is a 20 year old college student with a job as a bartender.

Now my own theory on Alexis is all based on things that are shown or said in-game, and thats not to say that i think im 100% right and every other theory is dumb/bullshit or anything, this is just the theory that makes the most sense to me with the information that has been giving in the first 4 episodes.

Okay here we go...

Alexis is Layla's sister. Alexis has the same complexion and hair color as the sister when she is shown in Laylas room (her sister just came out of the shower so her hair seems darker than it actually is, but she is still a brunette). Conveniently Layla says she has a sister but she is not named ever and the one time she shows she has her back towards the camera. It is revealed that it was a female who interrupted MC and Alexis in the shower, was it Layla? i think so. Alexis is also the brunette girl who was present when MC confessed his love to Erynn by giving her a flower. hmm who seems to have a weird thing about flowers? oh yeah Alexis does, she talk about not being given flowers ever on the plane and almost cries when MC gives her flowers on their date(if you choose to give her them) What is the thing Alexis is afraid of telling the MC? Alexis was/is friends with Erynn since she was the brunette present when MC confessed, Alexis had feelings/felt bad for MC when he was rejected and she was directly involved in the event that ruined MC and Erynn's relationship, she obviously feels terrible about that. She also knows MC's address, how? from Erynn of course. MC's mother? thinks she looks familiar? probably because she has seen her hang out with Erynn back then or recently.

 

[LordCorwin]

Thoughts:

• This guy is a Chad among Chads, he seriously doesn't need to do much besides look like a magazine model and act casual and the girls hop on his dick like it is the cool thing to do. Fun. It is nice to see a really well defined male protagonist, not just with a tiny backstory and same old same old appearance.
• Drama: This felt more like playing an episode of Big Brother UK or Love Island. People fucking everywhere, relationships mixing together, and everything is getting... interweaved. (there must be a better work for this, if only I could think of it)
• Sleep sex: It doesn't exist. Played through to the end right now, and the closest is when you find the next door neighbor topless. However after having finished this current version, I don't see this tag fitting. The guy is not a creeper or a huge pervert, he doesn't need to pork his mom while she's passed out, he can simply walk into a bar and suddenly there's a girl sucking him off. Maybe remove the tag, unless the content is actually incoming.

 

[ImperialD]

That's a better theory than the whole "she's obviously married" conspiracy. I doubt that Lexi would be married and living at her parent's house when she is working at the bar (her sister was the one who interrupted them in the shower per the text conversation with the MC) or at a Sorority House when at school. Of course we don't know the last part is 100% true, she could have been lying. What if their not blood sisters but are "sisters" in a Sorority? What if she knows about the MC because Erynn told that story one night while drunk? Perhaps she isn't the girl who watched/participated in the MC's humiliation as a 12 year old. She just knows the whole story because she knows Erynn.

hmm ok heres my theory of Alexis ... she is bi and living with her girlfriend ..... and don't know quite how to tell you .. she feels that you would leave her if she does ....

 

[Johnny Bravo.]

Some of these Alexis theories are kinda out there and some aren't even remotely believable if you go off of the information that is given and hinted at in the game. Most of them are just pure speculation based of tropes seen in other games, shows and movies. There is nothing in the game hints at Alexis being married/in a relationship already, having a sugar daddy or having a kid, keep in mind she is a 20 year old college student with a job as a bartender.

Now my own theory on Alexis is all based on things that are shown or said in-game, and thats not to say that i think im 100% right and every other theory is dumb/bullshit or anything, this is just the theory that makes the most sense to me with the information that has been giving in the first 4 episodes.

Okay here we go...

Alexis is Layla's sister. Alexis has the same complexion and hair color as the sister when she is shown in Laylas room (her sister just came out of the shower so her hair seems darker than it actually is, but she is still a brunette). Conveniently Layla says she has a sister but she is not named ever and the one time she shows she has her back towards the camera. It is revealed that it was a female who interrupted MC and Alexis in the shower, was it Layla? i think so. Alexis is also the brunette girl who was present when MC confessed his love to Erynn by giving her a flower. hmm who seems to have a weird thing about flowers? oh yeah Alexis does, she talk about not being given flowers ever on the plane and almost cries when MC gives her flowers on their date(if you choose to give her them) What is the thing Alexis is afraid of telling the MC? Alexis was/is friends with Erynn since she was the brunette present when MC confessed, Alexis had feelings/felt bad for MC when he was rejected and she was directly involved in the event that ruined MC and Erynn's relationship, she obviously feels terrible about that. She also knows MC's address, how? from Erynn of course. MC's mother? thinks she looks familiar? probably because she has seen her hang out with Erynn back then or recently.

Well damn man my brains hurts reading that lol, but very good theory and not to mention if Alexis is Layla's older sister oh boy is she in for the surprise of her live when she shows Alexis a picture of them at the beach.

 

[Englen]

not to mention if Alexis is Layla's younger sister oh boy is she in for the surprise of her live when she shows Alexis a picture of them at the beach.

Alexis is 20 and Layla is 18 so Alexis would be Layla's older sister.

 

[Johnny Bravo.]

Alexis is 20 and Layla is 18 so Alexis would be Layla's older sister.

Corrected it sorry about that.

 

[kameohawk]

It is revealed that it was a female who interrupted MC and Alexis in the shower, was it Layla? i think so.

I get the MC was all hot and bothered with dick in hand when he was interrupted but there's no way he wouldn't have recognised Laylas voice. Unless he's an idiot but there's been nothing to suggest that's the case, indeed quite the opposite.

I could believe Alexis and Eryn are friends but if they were friends when the MC professed his love then he would know her. If the object of your love starts hanging out with other people you take note of who they are. Unless he's forgotten and we go back to the "MC is an idiot" idea

 

[dolfe67]

I get the MC was all hot and bothered with dick in hand when he was interrupted but there's no way he wouldn't have recognised Laylas voice. Unless he's an idiot but there's been nothing to suggest that's the case, indeed quite the opposite.

it's totally believable, he heard a female voice from behind a door and he completely didn't expect to hear someone familiar there, she only says 1 or 2 sentences. Also he was a little bit shocked so he didn't recognize the voice

 

[Dripping]

...

Oh, extra theory...

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My theory on that:

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[Sesinho]

Thoughts:

• This guy is a Chad among Chads, he seriously doesn't need to do much besides look like a magazine model and act casual and the girls hop on his dick like it is the cool thing to do. Fun. It is nice to see a really well defined male protagonist, not just with a tiny backstory and same old same old appearance.
• Drama: This felt more like playing an episode of Big Brother UK or Love Island. People fucking everywhere, relationships mixing together, and everything is getting... interweaved. (there must be a better work for this, if only I could think of it)
• Sleep sex: It doesn't exist. Played through to the end right now, and the closest is when you find the next door neighbor topless. However after having finished this current version, I don't see this tag fitting. The guy is not a creeper or a huge pervert, he doesn't need to pork his mom while she's passed out, he can simply walk into a bar and suddenly there's a girl sucking him off. Maybe remove the tag, unless the content is actually incoming.

Thats the thing with the MC he doesnt have to be a creep, he is a chick magnet, but when he has to step up, he does the right thing, so he values his relationships and sees the girls for more than just their goods. Also he doesnt go asking for favors in return for good deeds.
He Is really likeable.

 

[kameohawk]

My theory on that:

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Shit lad.... now you're talking. To hell with the other possible theories, I want this one.