VN Ren'Py Intertwined [v0.12.3] [Nyx]

[Deleted member 596203]

Hey guys,
I would like to get your feedback for future and already released episodes to improve them.
What do you like about them, what don't you like, what can be changed/improved on.

I know the "animations" (looped pictures as of now) need lots of work and I'm going to slowly improve them one by one. I'll also make the scenes longer by adding more renders. I have a hard time with the conversation/text during sex. What would you like to see/read there.. More of an explanation what's going on or rather inner thoughts, or something else?

What do you think of the smaller "animations".. For example, Layla kissing you on the cheek in the park or Alexis kissing you in the bathroom,.. Does it "enrich" the scene or more like meh..

Music? I'll probably look into it once I make improvements in the coding/story/scenes (But for now enjoy the great mod by KoGa3)

Scene transitions, black screen with next day, a few hours later, after class, ...

Choices on how you react to certain questions/situations. For example: You can answer jokingly or seriously.. It changes how the other character reacts but ultimately comes to the same conclusion.. Do you like them or think they are pretty much useless?

Story-wise: What do you want to see more of, what less?

These were just a few things I had on my mind, so if you have any feedback, please share them in the comments here or in my Patreon post or message me..

Thank you,
Nyx

 

[kameohawk]

When I said layla sister it's with the other theorys included made more plausible that the being married or sugar daddy's or whatever.

The theory I "believe" more it's alexis being the other girl in eryn group and with that she know everything about the mc and don't say anything till now .
But not sure maybe dev will surprise us

Perhaps, they're certainly similar ages but I'm still unsure how that revelation would result in the MC cracking up at her. Eryn didn't know the MC was coming back so it's not like Alexis was sent to get close to the MC or anything so Alexis turning round and going "I actually know who you are through the girl you used to fancy" doesn't seem to have the explosive potential she seems to act like it will have, after they sleep together.

Logically being married seems the best bet, but it potentially ruins Alexis as a character as why would you choose her over others when she's obviously taken. Same for there being a sugar daddy. If she did have either a husband(or wife?) or a suger daddy the MC could just easily go "oh, well bye then". He's got no dog in the fight to keep him around her after that point. Like an arranged marriage or something perhaps? She's some guys beard? Seems a bit convoluted though.

Alexis having a kid would make sense as it's an obvious trope and would certainly make her worried cause she could have previous with men running away when they find out

 

[Sesinho]

If this game had cheap writing i would be ranting a bit about those misteryes that are hanging there like whos Alexis living with, and the secret that his mother is keeping from the Mc, or what else happened between him and the "sisters", cause he seemed to love, at least one of them. But since character development is a thing in this game and characters kind of feel real people i wouldnt even dare to complain about a 0.4 version not goin all out solving everything.

Theres so much detail in writing and visuals already.

 

[Sngo]

Perhaps, they're certainly similar ages but I'm still unsure how that revelation would result in the MC cracking up at her. Eryn didn't know the MC was coming back so it's not like Alexis was sent to get close to the MC or anything so Alexis turning round and going "I actually know who you are through the girl you used to fancy" doesn't seem to have the explosive potential she seems to act like it will have, after they sleep together.

Logically being married seems the best bet, but it potentially ruins Alexis as a character as why would you choose her over others when she's obviously taken. Same for there being a sugar daddy. If she did have either a husband(or wife?) or a suger daddy the MC could just easily go "oh, well bye then". He's got no dog in the fight to keep him around her after that point. Like an arranged marriage or something perhaps? She's some guys beard? Seems a bit convoluted though.

Alexis having a kid would make sense as it's an obvious trope and would certainly make her worried cause she could have previous with men running away when they find out

Well in the though of Lexi being in the eryn group at that time can go bad with the mc in the meaning she knows who he his, what happened to him especially after he told her his history too in the plane and she still keeps quiet about knowing him or being upfront and said after his history in plane that she know him and all that. Could go bad in that line.

The married or sugar could be more plausible but since dev is keeping his vn away of any kind of ntr(thank God) or something very close to that it's why I don't think thats a possible reason

The kid is a really plausible option too, didn't even think that even I'm not being a fan of dating girls with a gift(kid) in rl for longer relationship. I don't see that as a big no for mc especially since its only the 4date I think .

Or she is overreacting or it's something very bad. That why so many theories and I'm not really sure in any.

 

[maninx]

The reason i like this VN is there are no unnecessary dialogues and the dialogues don't get boring either.
And no incessant fuck scenes its more story based than MC trying to repopulate the world with his genes.
I like it this way that is what make this game unique in plot wise and also hits closer to reality.
I have seen a lot of game with only baseless sex. It's good to get something good once in awhile with the scenes being toned down a bit and rather enjoy the story.
Keep up the good work dev.
GOODLUCK.

 

[M!]

What do you think of the smaller "animations".. For example, Layla kissing you on the cheek in the park or Alexis kissing you in the bathroom,.. Does it "enrich" the scene or more like meh..

I certainly loved those and like to see more of them.

Music? I'll probably look into it once I make improvements in the coding/story/scenes (But for now enjoy the great mod by KoGa3)

I'm a wrong guy to answer this as I almost always mute RenPy games as music very rarely matches my feelings of the game.
Only exceptions that comes to my mind are games from PhillyGames which have great sounds and music. But i'm probably minority here and maybe i should try that mod?

Scene transitions, black screen with next day, a few hours later, after class, ...

I'd like some mentions how much time pasts between scenes. Now the time living with Dad, Haley, Nikki and Cara feels really short, like only a couple of weeks?

Choices on how you react to certain questions/situations. For example: You can answer jokingly or seriously.. It changes how the other character reacts but ultimately comes to the same conclusion.. Do you like them or think they are pretty much useless?

I do like these kind of choices, little things that make MC feel more like "you"

Story-wise: What do you want to see more of, what less?

Thank you,
Nyx

What i'd like to see more? Sienna maybe? Though there is already a rush hour on great girls section...
And thank YOU! Keep up the good work!

 

[dolfe67]

Hey guys,
I would like to get your feedback for future and already released episodes to improve them.
What do you like about them, what don't you like, what can be changed/improved on.

I know the "animations" (looped pictures as of now) need lots of work and I'm going to slowly improve them one by one. I'll also make the scenes longer by adding more renders. I have a hard time with the conversation/text during sex. What would you like to see/read there.. More of an explanation what's going on or rather inner thoughts, or something else?

What do you think of the smaller "animations".. For example, Layla kissing you on the cheek in the park or Alexis kissing you in the bathroom,.. Does it "enrich" the scene or more like meh..

Music? I'll probably look into it once I make improvements in the coding/story/scenes (But for now enjoy the great mod by KoGa3)

Scene transitions, black screen with next day, a few hours later, after class, ...

Choices on how you react to certain questions/situations. For example: You can answer jokingly or seriously.. It changes how the other character reacts but ultimately comes to the same conclusion.. Do you like them or think they are pretty much useless?

Story-wise: What do you want to see more of, what less?

These were just a few things I had on my mind, so if you have any feedback, please share them in the comments here or in my Patreon post or message me..

Thank you,
Nyx

Sorry but the double full stop ".." at every sentence grinds my gear, it's not a valid style. One is enough, or 3 to indicate some sort of blank.

The sex animations are too slow and kinda jerky, but I like them and with proper additional work will be good. The smaller animations are meh, don't add much imo, and can even be distracting. I like the "tracking shots" of the girls though, this is the opportunity to make a pause and admire them; the black sides are a bit weird though.

Music would be cool if it fits the action of the story, but it's a low priority.

I like having choices in how to answer sometimes, even if it's just that with no impact on the story. Keeps me engaged.

I love the story, not much to say here. Keep up the good work. Maybe put the english translation in parentheses next to the line of text when the characters speak in spanish, even if it's not complicated spanish.

 

[Mgan]

I'm glad you did enjoy it.

But I have to disappoint you though.. Harem won't be added to the game. But there might be something else coming in a future episode that might peak your interest.

Don't worry about your English.. It's fine.. Mine isn't great either, just ask MrFriendly who does the proofreading.. I'm giving him lots of work..

Oh Thank you for noticing me Mr. Dev its such a great honor you know other Dev like you are not to notice your message to him just ignore the guys because he think hey thats my story not you if you want to then create your story what a asshole like that but anyway I'm really disappointed if you not put my suggestion and its depends you that your story not mine but keep it up mind that other reader like that and it still wait for that because you said that ``something`` I can't wait for it. I hope its good that not dissapointed.

 

[Deleted member 596203]

Sorry but the double full stop ".." at every sentence grinds my gear, it's not a valid style. One is enough, or 3 to indicate some sort of blank.

The sex animations are too slow and kinda jerky, but I like them and with proper additional work will be good. The smaller animations are meh, don't add much imo, and can even be distracting. I like the "tracking shots" of the girls though, this is the opportunity to make a pause and admire them; the black sides are a bit weird though.

Music would be cool if it fits the action of the story, but it's a low priority.

I like having choices in how to answer sometimes, even if it's just that with no impact on the story. Keeps me engaged.

I love the story, not much to say here. Keep up the good work. Maybe put the english translation in parentheses next to the line of text when the characters speak in spanish, even if it's not complicated spanish.

A little explanation about the ".." or how I see it.

A "..." is if someone is thinking or doesn't wanna say anything.
I use the ".." as a small pause between sentences or a breath.

For example:

Do you like spaghetti?
or
Do you like.. Spaghetti?

To me it's a huge difference how I read basically the same sentence. But others may not so I see your point.
If there are many people who dislike it, I can change it.

About the Spanish. I tried to keep it very simple, so people who don't speak it, will still understand it.
But if requested, I can put the translation next to it.

Thank you for all your input!

 

[xxTHESTYGIANxx]

Yeah, I am seriously questioning Alexis. Something is there...the secrecy the inner monologue then what she said at the end of this update something isnt right there. As far as the mom, I am confused she is wondering if she is jealous but she hasnt really been a big part of the story as of yet. Erynn? Well after the story he told I am left wondering why be " The nice guy " to her? She treated it like a joke laughed at the MC but still wants things to be like they were? She needs to get a damn puppy then. I like the story so far and will be supporting this next month, the above mentioned things just got me riled up for good reason. For the most part it is outstanding, then there are some question marks that as of this point kind of don't fit the story ya know.

 

[desmosome]

Hey guys,
I would like to get your feedback for future and already released episodes to improve them.
What do you like about them, what don't you like, what can be changed/improved on.

I know the "animations" (looped pictures as of now) need lots of work and I'm going to slowly improve them one by one. I'll also make the scenes longer by adding more renders. I have a hard time with the conversation/text during sex. What would you like to see/read there.. More of an explanation what's going on or rather inner thoughts, or something else?

What do you think of the smaller "animations".. For example, Layla kissing you on the cheek in the park or Alexis kissing you in the bathroom,.. Does it "enrich" the scene or more like meh..

Music? I'll probably look into it once I make improvements in the coding/story/scenes (But for now enjoy the great mod by KoGa3)

Scene transitions, black screen with next day, a few hours later, after class, ...

Choices on how you react to certain questions/situations. For example: You can answer jokingly or seriously.. It changes how the other character reacts but ultimately comes to the same conclusion.. Do you like them or think they are pretty much useless?

Story-wise: What do you want to see more of, what less?

These were just a few things I had on my mind, so if you have any feedback, please share them in the comments here or in my Patreon post or message me..

Thank you,
Nyx

It's good you are reaching out. Just want to point out that no one person will have all the answers, because... well people like different things. You should take any advice with a grain of salt and ultimately do what you feel is best.

So on with my opinion on the matter.

1) About animations, smaller non sex scene animations are always a nice touch in my opinion. As for the sex animations, I am of the camp that prefers variaty of positions and angles with still shots, rather than like 1 smooth animation. First, it saves rendering time while adding much more action and dynamics to the scene. Secondly, it dodges the VERY common pitfall where devs pat themselves on the back after making a 4k 6 second loop and then neglect everything else that goes into a scene.

However, I am probably in the minority lol. People swear by animations these days :/ Either way, your scenes are very lacking at the moment in both quality of animation and the quality of the scene as a whole (build up, foreplay, dialogue, variety, situations, cumshot..!).

Not every dev is good at everything, or has their interest in the same areas, but if you are drawing lots of blanks in regard to the scenes, maybe you could take a look at some of the popular and highly recommended games (probably of the romance type since that seems like what you are going for).

2) Scene transitions are more than just adding *2 hours later* or something like that. You could add those at some points, but the bigger issue is in the sudden cuts and start to scenes. I am not a film student or anything, but I guess try to mimic how scene transitions happen in movies...? Sorry for the vague advice lol.

3) Music/sound. This should be done with care or not at all. If you are thinking about adding one monotonous track in the background that loops the entire time, forget about it~ If you want to get more engaged and look for tracks that would compliment the tone of the scene in question, that might be worth your time. Although, music is usually very low on people's priorities, so the effort that goes into doing it right may not be worth it from the dev perspective.

4) Choices. The thing you suggested is something I personally like. I like flavorful choices that might not have some big impact. Not everyone does though. They will complain that choices don't matter, etc etc.

More importantly, I would like you to try and use more flags when appropriate. Let's say you decide to leave Layla at the park after she snaps at you. Set LaylaSorry = True. Now during school when we bring her a coffee, you can check this flag and modify some dialogue to address it. It's obviously not necessary for every little thing, but some things do need to be addressed with modified dialogues, and just relying on point totals is not going to cut it in most cases.


5) As for the story, that's up to you my friend I think you are doing a fine job.


Hope this helps a little. Good luck.

 

[dolfe67]

For example:

Do you like spaghetti?
or
Do you like.. Spaghetti?

Your example is totally valid, but you're not using it like that in the game, i.e. making a pause in a full sentence.

I don't remember a sentence ending with a single full stop, at least in 0.4. We make a natural pause after a full stop, 3 to indicate a longer pause.



double full stop before a question mark ?



The first 2 are ok, even if the consensus would be 3 full stops. But at the end of this text a single full stop is enough

If all your sentences end by 2 full stops, it's not really different than a single full stop.

 

[Deleted member 596203]

Your example is totally valid, but you're not using it like that in the game, i.e. making a pause in a full sentence.

I don't remember a sentence ending with a single full stop, at least in 0.4. We make a natural pause after a full stop, 3 to indicate a longer pause.


View attachment 816263
double full stop before a question mark ?


View attachment 816269
The first 2 are ok, even if the consensus would be 3 full stops. But at the end of this text a single full stop is enough

Yeah I agree, I wasn't even thinking about that I use them at the end too. I'll change it from Ep5 onwards and change the other episodes once I revisit them to change stuff.

I also see that you use Matt as the MC's name and if I remember correctly, I named the vocalyst of Yellow Snow Matt.
That must've been a bit confusing no?
You know what, as a small favour for your input, I will change it.

So this is for everyone:
If you have a name for the guy, here's your chance.

 

[dolfe67]

I also see that you use Matt as the MC's name and if I remember correctly, I named the vocalyst of Yellow Snow Matt.
That must've been a bit confusing no?
You know what, as a small favour for your input, I will change it.

Yeah lol I didn't understand right away that she was talking about the singer

But it's not the first time it happened in an AVN I played, even though it's pretty rare.

I propose Levon.

 

[ilon55]

So I'm kinda late to the party, what's the thinking on what Alexis is hiding? I'm guessing married

She has a girlfriend named... Eryn

 

[kameohawk]

She has a girlfriend named... Eryn

That would certainly fit the bill, especially once the MC starts to relate more to her about his past relationship with her.... but it suffers from the same issue mentioned; it makes Alexis a very unlikeable character because she's a cheater who can't keep it in her pants (out of her pants?). Perhaps not entirely but she has only really known the MC for like... 3 days by this point? Maybe 4. There's next to nothing stopping the MC from telling her to do one and she becomes a non-character

 

[Johnny Bravo.]

I'm curious though, why does this have a corruption tag?

Might be a secret in the near future.

 

[Sesinho]

She has a girlfriend named... Eryn

At first I thought that she actually lived with Eryn, kind of made sense the secrecy and the inner dialogue like saying sorry for wanting him and stuff. Since the name is Intertwined, the twist made sense.
The twist came later with the sister thing.

 

[Ceesko]

Story-wise: What do you want to see more of, what less?


Thank you,
Nyx

The thing that differentiates this VN from the rest of the hundereds of VNs in this site is the choice and consquence. That is the strength of the VN and you should put more emphasis into it. A good VN with multiple C&C allows for multiple playthtoughs to explore different stuff you missed. Other than that keep up the good work.

 

[Johnny Bravo.]

Overall nice game I like it.
Nice renders, the sex scenes need more effort in it, they are short and lack a variety of positions that expose more the penetration as it is right now they aren't sexy or interesting, should have more detailed foreplay and penetration if I'm making myself clear in what I mean.

Alot of secrets as it seems right now for me.

Didn't like to have to chose between nicky or cora too, if it's for having hard decisions, decisions that matters and do something, the other decisions need to be like that too, because right now to me that is just to chose wich girl your probably want to see content again when for example in the confront or forgive eryn that should be a decision with immediate effect and not chosing confront her and the outcome for now still is the same that forgiven. If mc is that mad for what happen after the confession and had been still thinking about that when you chose confront it should be straight forward . Mc isn't mad for the rejection or the lack of that but with the way eryn and friends acted in my understanding.
She seems that don't even realize why he had done what he had done.

Really liking alexis sure hope that the secret don't ruin her for me.
Layla is cute and I like her but pending more to elena than her right now.
Eryn right now only taught about her is that she is hot and nothing more.
Tori trash tier.
Want more sienna .

You can tell him here.

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